Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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HelpHealMom 01/28/2017

I just joined this group Thursday night and wanted to share a little about my daughter. As you know she was molested by my brother when she was 4 but that was only the biginning of what her life would be. At 16 she got pregnant and had an abortion. At age 19 she married and later had a little girl who was born blind and had other disabilities. She was the light of our lives. Then 16 months later she had another little girl and she was born with Down Syndrome, she only lived for 6 weeks. Another child a son was born later and was healthy in every way. She and her husband divorced. Jumping ahead, our granddaughter who was blind was the most amazing child you would ever want to meet. She loved everyone and always wanted to be a missionary. She taught us far more than we could have ever taught her. In 2013 she was crowned Miss Amazing North Carolina, it was the highlight of her life. Two weeks prior to crowning the new Miss Amazing at 25 yrs old, almost 3 yrs ago, God took her home. We are still trying to recover from losing her and it's so very hard. Along with all of this, all the nightmares of the abuse has just made things impossible. My daughter has suffered more than any young person should have to. She has definitely learned the disassociation technique. She would explain it to me like she was there, she was funtioning but she really wasn't there. She thought she was going crazy, it just got to be more than she could bear. All along in the midst of everything else she has tried to cope with the effects of the abuse. I, as her mother, do not know how she has gotten thru all of this, except by the grace of God. This weekend she went back to Florida to revisit her past, the place where the abuse occurred as well as other tramas in her life. She felt in order to have a productive life she had to do this. It was as if she needed to visit it so she could try to leave it all there. I don't know if that will happen but when I spoke to her she said Mom it was good that I did this. She will still continue with her therapy as she should and my deepest prayer is that she and I both will really begin to heal. Thank you all so very much for giving me an outlet for my pain.

Eeyore 01/28/2017

Sending you both a hug xx my daughter also describes it as thought it was her body there but not her.
Your family have been through so much and you and your daughter clearly are amazing mums.
Your granddaughter sounds like an inspiration to everyone you must have been so proud of her.
Take care of each other xx

HelpHealMom 01/28/2017

Yes we were very proud of her and she touched more lives than I could count. She was the most forgiving, loving person, she was taken suddenly one night and getting a phone call like that is devastating. But the one thing that has brought us the most peace is that she went out on a high. She was so excited to be crowning the new Miss Amazing, she was bubbly and happy. On the computer just hrs before, she was sharing her excitement with everyone. It was as if she just closed her eyes and God took her. Her purpose on earth was completed. Heather was the center of my daughter's life, she required so much care and I think with her gone, my daughter just fell in a deep depression and the memories of the abuse came flooding back.. Sending hugs back to you!

Naive1.2 01/28/2017

I am so sorry for your many losses. Outliving a child is said to be the most painful emotional experience imaginable, and your daughter has outlived two. Outliving one's grandchildren can only be a very close "second" to the pain of losing one's own child, and it must bring with it the additional pain of watching your daughter suffer terribly. Now, to know about this additional suffering....I can't imagine. But just as you could not prevent the deaths of your grandchildren, you could not prevent what your brother decided to do. If revisiting the scene of the crime has helped your daughter in any way, that's a blessing. Your daughter is stronger than I am. I know I would not be able to revisit my old neighborhood without ramming my car into the Nazi's front door.

Come here anytime and post whatever you must to reduce the internal pressure these feelings create. You, too, are strong....but you also need support.

HelpHealMom 01/28/2017

Thank you so much. It feels good to know that I have somewhere I can go to get support and help.
I will share more of my story with all of you next time.

Have a blessed night!

HelpHealMom 01/29/2017

Am I doing my posts right? I have just been posting the things on my heart but don't know if I am posting in the right places. Thank you for your help.

HelpHealMom 01/29/2017

My daughter just got home from her journey to her past and she said she knew this was what she was suppose to do, face her demons. She still has a ways to go but to her this was a step in the right direction. My brother as I have said , passed away before she disclosed the abuse but she did return to the place it happened. She could feel the pain that was left there. She sounds better and sounds much more hopeful, praise God. As soon as she arrived home she left for her grief support group to help her cope with the loss of her daughter. Now I have to focus more on myself because I realize that I still have alot to work on. Thank you to everyone for your support.

Naive1.2 01/30/2017

Anytime! And yes, you're doing your posts "right" -- there's no wrong here! :D

Eeyore 01/30/2017

You are doing an amazing job of supporting her, she has had so much happen to her, it's so hard when you loose someone so close, you never get over that loss you just learn to live your life with that loss in it.
I'm glad he's journey back may have helped a little only time will tell.
Take care both of you xx

Naive1.2 01/30/2017

I second Eeyore's remarks. I'm also glad your daughter found some healing in her visit. Several years ago, without knowing about my daughter's abuse, I took my children back to our old neighborhood. For me and my other child, it was a wonderful visit, but I remember how my daughter kept glancing at our neighbor's (I would later learn it was her abuser's) house. He still lives there. He still walks free. He could have come out at any moment and I would have greeted him politely. The rest of the weekend, which was a family gathering, my daughter was sullen and excused herself from activities. I thought it was because she was unhappy that we had moved from such a wonderful place!!!!

Lesson: It is vital that the survivor to be the one who choses to make such a journey to the past. It probably helps if the perpetrator is dead or has moved, preferably to prison.

HelpHealMom 01/30/2017

Yes Naive1.2 I agree, It needs to be the choice of the survivor, It's very hard reliving those memories in person. I am so proud of my daughter for the strength she had to do this.

crybaby 02/27/2017

I only just read this and I am crying my eyes out........SO COMPLETELY UNFAIR......your poor poor poor little girl....and you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bandmom5 02/27/2017

I missed this somehow too. My heart is breaking for all your daughter and family have had to endure, but her strength and healing gives hope that things will be ok one day. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers...

ashley73 02/27/2017

HelpHealMom - I can't imagine what you and your daughter have had to endure. What a warrior she is. And you too! I'm glad that you will be doing some healing of your own and it's a blessing that your daughter has the wherewithal to take the steps she has to start her healing process. You must have done a lot right to have her be such a strong young lady. So many hugs and prayers sent to you and your daughter.

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