Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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crybaby 02/26/2017

trying to be good mum under 'normal' cicumstances is tough.....trying to be a good mum when you are a single parent is really tough.....trying to be a good mum when you are not only a single parent but have no family or friendship support is so tough you feel like you are on the edge of coping.....add in sexual abuse and all that means....being a good mum is nearly impossible.

I always have a wee proof sheet on our bed, but I had been doing the washing, and just for one night it wasn't on....yes you guessed....all through the mattress and everything....never mind washing, drying stuff in the uk at this time of year is soooo hard....I didn't snap, I just said "it's ok honey...it's an accident...snuggle up with mum on the airbed in the sitting-room". But please don't think I am always like this, oh no.....I can, and do snap....I feel terrible, but the pressure is so immense....my daughter and I even physically fight.....I am pulling myself back from this, as I start to calm down, now I am in this community and feel understood.....it takes time, allow the time, step back/out for a while, don't attempt to be 'normal'...dance to your child's and your tune, not to others.

hopefulmama 02/26/2017

My daughter and I argue daily,I have to throw adolescent hormones in that mix.I don't know what is normal teenage stuff and what isn't.I try to let things go but then I think am I going to encourage bad behavior?ugg

ashley73 02/26/2017

It is so tough!! I was a single mom with my two oldest and can definitely relate. Although I didn't have the sexual abuse to deal with. :-( Now I am not single, but wish I was due to situation with my husband. Anyway, kids can test every one of our last already frazzled nerves and I think it's normal to not handle it well every time. I lose it weekly. I just always go back and apologize, letting kids know that I over reacted and didn't handle things well by raising my voice. I let them know I love them and will try to do better. At the same time, not letting them totally off the hook for the really poop behavior that led to my meltdown! It sure is hard. Just know you aren't alone in losing your cool. Forgive yourself and try to learn from each experience. Our kids need to see that we aren't perfect and then to see us working on or through our own shortcomings will help them work through theirs at some point. Hugs to you!!

crybaby 02/27/2017

That sounds just like me......my breaking point has been between 10pm and 2pm, when I finally tried to calm my daughter down and go to sleep.......she starts attacking me.....I try to restrain her.....she is very big and strong for her age.....it has turned real nasty on numerous occassions. She is terrified of going to sleep because of the nightmares she gets.....she forces herself to stay awake all night even though we sleep together!!!! She is out of school at the moment so I have given up.....I let her stay awake for as long as she likes.

ashley73 02/27/2017

I would probably do the same given everything she has been through and all that you are going through trying to get her to sleep (let her stay up as long as she wants to in order to keep the peace). I can't believe she is attacking you. Ugh. I wonder what would happen if you just left the room and didn't try to restrain her?! To give the two of you time and space to cool down? Would she flip out even more? Gosh, what a horrible thing to be dealing with. I responded to your other post about sleep and gave you all these ideas on what you might try. Please know that I'm really good at giving advice. I don't always take it myself. I want to support you without you feeling bad about not doing x, y and z. We are all human and can only endure so much! I have a LOT to work on as a mother. Right now I should be playing with my son, but I'm typing on here while he's on the Kindle. : - /

Eeyore 02/28/2017

We are all amazing mums our mum roles are different to most mums walking around out there, we have a special strength no one else can see. Even though at times we don't see it ourselves.
I totally get this more because my son suffered from nocturnal enuresis until he was 16 and we still have the occasional wet night now (he's 18) so it'd don't the bedding washing in the UK :( I have 3 sets of bedding including bed mat so I can rotate it at any hour. Puppy pads are cheap and a great spare though that you can just slip on the bed if you ever forget.
I am so miserable if I'm tired so that's my bad time. Lol
Keep smiling ladies it's what we do lol xx

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