Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
It's been eight and a half years since since disclosure and as of lately it's been going pretty smooth here for the most part. Though we still have things that trigger from time to time (at least for me there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about it on some level).
It's no secret that my mom and my relationship is volite at best as she doesn't believe it happened and has taken the perps side (my sisters husband). She doesn't answer my calls and only communicates with me by text. Including deaths in the family (including a messages saying she'll forward info regarding arrangements & never does). I haven't seen her on a Mother's Day since it happened as she has spent it every year since with my sister and her demon of a husband. Well, their normal plans fell through and low and behold she invited my boys out to eat with her and my grandmother (soon to be 100 yrs old) for lunch on Mother's Day. I've done my best to hide the animosity of my mom from my boys. They know the relation is torn, but I've always said her anger is towards me not you (and she's always managed to come across that way). While she may say horrible things to me about my children she has to date always managed to hide it from them. So.. I've continued to support their relationship with her.
I've put on my happy face plenty of times and endured many a visit with my mother for sake of my children. But this...this was different...different for me. My grandmother said I should come, my children said I should come. I. Just. Couldn't. Do. It.
So. I put on my happy face and told my children they should go. And I meant it. Keep in mind my boys we're 8, 10 & 12 at the time of disclosure, they are grown or almost grown now). So they went. I have to say it was like someone stuck a knife in my heart, twisted and pulled it out. I sat and sobbed like I haven't sobbed in years. I wanted to drive far far away & start a new life where where someone cares (yes, I know this is ridiculous-my kids care. It's my own fault for telling them to go. I told them to & meant it. I don't know how much longer their great grandmother will be around & I know she loves seeing them). But still...it HURT like hell! Any way I managed to have a good obsurdley obnoxious cry & pull myself back together complete with happy face (I think) before they got back an hour and half later.
The madness never ends...
It's no secret that my mom and my relationship is volite at best as she doesn't believe it happened and has taken the perps side (my sisters husband). She doesn't answer my calls and only communicates with me by text. Including deaths in the family (including a messages saying she'll forward info regarding arrangements & never does). I haven't seen her on a Mother's Day since it happened as she has spent it every year since with my sister and her demon of a husband. Well, their normal plans fell through and low and behold she invited my boys out to eat with her and my grandmother (soon to be 100 yrs old) for lunch on Mother's Day. I've done my best to hide the animosity of my mom from my boys. They know the relation is torn, but I've always said her anger is towards me not you (and she's always managed to come across that way). While she may say horrible things to me about my children she has to date always managed to hide it from them. So.. I've continued to support their relationship with her.
I've put on my happy face plenty of times and endured many a visit with my mother for sake of my children. But this...this was different...different for me. My grandmother said I should come, my children said I should come. I. Just. Couldn't. Do. It.
So. I put on my happy face and told my children they should go. And I meant it. Keep in mind my boys we're 8, 10 & 12 at the time of disclosure, they are grown or almost grown now). So they went. I have to say it was like someone stuck a knife in my heart, twisted and pulled it out. I sat and sobbed like I haven't sobbed in years. I wanted to drive far far away & start a new life where where someone cares (yes, I know this is ridiculous-my kids care. It's my own fault for telling them to go. I told them to & meant it. I don't know how much longer their great grandmother will be around & I know she loves seeing them). But still...it HURT like hell! Any way I managed to have a good obsurdley obnoxious cry & pull myself back together complete with happy face (I think) before they got back an hour and half later.
The madness never ends...
Are their eternity of grief they suffer as consequences of their own actions.
In other words you may feel hurt from time to time
But they have to live in their own skin 24 hours a day 7 days a week and with a vindictive nature, I'm sure the consequences of their actions is not all roses and bliss.
You may not see all the ways they suffer from their own actions, but you can know they sure are troubled.