Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

Are these ups and downs normal?

bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
I have to say I feel a little guilty that I am having trouble, but I do realize that I must take care of myself to properly care for my daughter.My moods are up and down,one day I am crying at the drop of a hat and then back to normal the next day,I am angry and sometimes just feel like how could this happen.I question how good a mother I am although I do know this is not my fault but I question my judgement,( I let my daughter play in a room with her 2 male cousins and let them shut the door).and I knew at the time it was not a good idea but I didnt want to be the overprotective psyco mom.I feel like no one thinks that what happened is a big deal.My side of the family does not know what happened at my daughters request and my husbands parents dont seem to care.I just dont know what to do with the anger and hurt and feelings of failing my daughter.
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
I can tell you... you aren't alone. I battle those emotions too not as strongly as I once did but I thought my feelings would consume me. I eventually went on antidepressants because my anger was becoming a huge problem in parenting and my moodiness. Unfortunately the trauma did a number on me psychologically and emotionally. I also have additional stressors in my marriage. The medication did wonders for me I was afraid to go on them but I'm so glad I did. I've evened out a lot. I also attend a celebrate recovery meeting once a week and am working a 12 step program. Just last night some one sharred on forgiving his dad for his abuse and his daughters abuse. Hearing things like that give me hope that the wretched stuff inside me can be removed that peace can be regained and healing to my mind and body. One step at a time.

Part of the process is forgiving ourselves. Its very hard to do and I battled that monster a long time but no amount of self condemnation and blame will change what happened. I use to sit focusing so hard on what I failed to see wishing that I could freeze time and make a choice that would save my daughter from being violated. Over and over but of course I can't and eventually I had to accept it happened. I can't change it but I can do everything in my power to help her now and ensure she never sees that person again.

It does get better in time and it takes al it of time. Do whatever you have to to keep your sanity.
bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
Thank you for the kind words.My brain knows it is not my fault but my heart aches.I thank God it was not worse.I really dont know how people forgive,I almost feel like to forgive is to condone what happened,I mean normally when people say" I'm Sorry" for things they did or said the normal response is "Oh thats ok dont worry about it".I cant get past that.
Naive1
Naive1
Just writing to second Heart's comments above. Learning that a child has been sexually abused, and dealing with it, is a complete upheaval of your expectations for life as a loving, sensitive parent. No one dropped a real bomb on your home -- it's still standing, and you're all still walking and talking, so it's impossible for others to see the damage. But the damage is devastating and you need all the support you can get.

And just because someone says "Sorry," that doesn't mean he or she fully understands if he or she did something wrong, or how or what. The "sorry" is for them to offer. The decision to accept it is yours, when you are ready. You can just say, "Thanks," instead of "that's okay," because it probably isn't okay with you yet. And...that's okay!