Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I feel so betrayed by not only my earthly father but my heavenly father as well. I thought of myself as a good christian. I defently had my flaws as we all do but i thought god and i were pretty tight. My husband's faith would waiver about how we were gonna make it finacially to the end of the month I had faith god would show us through. I knew god sent my husband to me and my daughter and my two boys. i know god had a hand in our move here. i knew how great god is but now i am just so angry at him i cant bring myself to really pray to him. i still carry on with nightly prayers with my kiddos but past that i dont. i loath going to church now because i just end up so mad that i have a really hard time shaking it the rest of the day. i was a sunday school teacher, a member of the worship team, i still am a bible quizzing coach, i am a soccer coach through my church, i live at my church i am there 5 out of the 7 days of the week, i love my church family. But i have thought about just throwing that all out of the window. i keep going because of my kids. they love it there and they need jesus as much as i do but i just can not get past how angry i am. I understand this was not god's plan and that he has a plan to see us through but he knew what was going on. ok i get it my kids dont have uncurable dieseases, arent starving and there are millions of kids that have it much worse but these are MY kids. I am being selfish i know that but i just cant get over or understand why he didnt do something to make it stop sooner. Why did my daughter have to suffer for so long. to make me stronger? to make my 8 year old daughter stronger? to bring me closer to my children? to see where i was failing as a mother? to finally after years and years and years of lies or withholding of the thruth by my family to finally bring EVERYTHING all at once to light? All with my husband weeks away from deploying? i just dont understand all of this. I saw a video on facebook the other day of a little boy saying a verse for every letter of the alphabet. his verse for T was "trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding." that really hit me to the point of a small break through i cried and i kinda of even talk to the man upstairs. i wasnt so mad. but that is not how i work. i have to understand how anything dealing with my emotions work. i get it he is the all powerful I AM but why. why cant he just stop evil from happening to children. he loves them right. he said let the little children come to me right. come to me like little children right. well if he cant or wont protect the little children why would i a grown adult want to go to him? i hate the saying there is a plan in this.... if i hear that one more time i am going to throat punch the person who says it. i just cant. i said at the beginning of all of this that this is going to break us. our lives as we knew them are over. my husband said that wasnt true that we would come out stronger. well......... where is my strength cuz as i see it it is dwendling by the day.... who has the giant earser and where do i sign up to be next for it?!?!?!?!? is anyone else mad or have been mad at god? how did you work through it? i need him i really really really need him but i just cant get over these thoughts and feelings of utter and complete angry and not being able to understand. i want my god back..........................................................................
I have never personally struggled with anger towards God (although my husband has so I can ask him to give me his insight tomorrow) but I HAVE dealt with struggling through the WHY. You see, my life motto verse is Romans 8:28...
"For we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him and are the called according to His purposes."
You see, I have lived through a LOT of hell in my lifetime BUT I KNOW God is real because he saved me when I was 4 and fell out of the back of a van on the freeway...no scrapes, cuts, bruises, nothing...THAT experience gives me the faith I have been able to lean on during this VERY difficult time. And this most recent trial is only one of MANY I have lived through in my life!
Personally I have...
1) Been physically/emotionally abused for my faith by my own father
2) Demeaned by my whole family most of my life...think Cinderella
3) Most of my life not had parents to lean on for almost anything because they are both narcicists and my dad is a sociopath
4) Endured the "red letter" stares for being an unwed, pregnant teenager after claiming I would be married a virgin...even though as soon as I became pregnant I didn't have sex anymore.
4) Had multiple financial difficulties including most recently with our house going into foreclosure
5) Almost lost my 2nd son to a bone marrow disease when he was 4
6) Almost lost my oldest son to cancer when he was 14
7) Almost lost my young husband to a pulmonary embolism when he was only 35!
8) Dealt with my own medical difficulties including fibromyalgia and I'm only in my early thirties!
9) Learned my oldest cancer patient son sexually interacted with our only daughter and we had to send him away for a year...prodigal son type of pain I never thought I'd know!
10) And now had to deal with my "best" friend's entire family perpetrating on 3 of my precious children not JUST sexually but physically and emotionally too! I have now reported all 6 members of their family to the police. OH, Judas!
But, I also keep looking at the fact that OUR family was chosen for this purpose. Even the whole unfolding of how the sexual abuse came to light was literally a God-thing with split second timing! The very fact that all my children continue to disclose so that we can stop this family from hurting others...that I've been emotionally able to cope with calling CPS seriously over 50 times this past year, reported all this to the police, had to share with 4 other victim's families, dealt with the disbelief by everyone from our family to the local church to our own detective (who we've been told we STILL have to work with for the other perps!)...God knew OUR family was the one who'd go the distance to make sure this family could NOT blaspheme His name anymore! You see, they continue to go to church pretending that they are "innocent" and that we are "lying" about them! They used BIBLE studies to lure families in to get close to so that there would be a sense of safeness with their children...and abused that safe feeling down the road when the parents trusted enough to leave their children in their care! BUT, God is using this experience to prove to my kids that no matter how well people know the Bible, how much they go to church, how nice they are, STUFF is not what makes a person a Christian, JESUS is what makes them a Christian! I couldn't give them a better picture because literally monster kids all can quote the Bible inside and out! They ALWAYS would win at memorizing contests!
What I CAN tell you is this: God never said we shouldn't feel righteous anger. You have every right to feel anger! But God isn't the one to be angry at because the abuse is no longer occurring...THAT was God working His paths...and now the evil has come to light! Read Psalm 88. It is one of the most dark Psalms there is and yet there is a bit of hope. Listen to this sermon for that hope to be revealed: http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=11413123310 . It REALLY helped me and my husband! Also remember that the evil done to Job was not not BY God but ALLOWED by God because He knew Job could handle it.
Look, the scriptures also tell us to mourn with those who mourn and I think that is where you are at. I'm so sad. Sad to the depths of my soul. My heart breaks for all these precious children who have had their innocence stolen and self identity distorted! It's SO wrong! But we have the glimmer of hope through the storm to know that no matter what, whether on this earth or in the afterlife, they WILL get what's coming to them because God PROMISES He is our avenger and will judge the evil done in this world!
I hope this helped and didn't distress you more. <3
Because a few people in our church were involved in different ways in our case, we were asked to leave, and we didn't go to any church for almost a year. It was a time that I realized I had to turn to prayer and God's word, and to rightly understand the Bible. It's easy to misunderstand or misinterpret, and I found out that knowing ancient Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic, and knowing the context can often reveal the true meaning of verses, as well as looking at the writings of the students of the Apostles-- Polycarp, Ignatius, Tertullian, Irenaeus, Jerome, Christostum, Augustan, Eusebius, etc. I was given a link to a pastor (Chris Rosebrough) who knows those languages and is very familiar with the early church fathers writings, so listening to him has really helped my faith to grow and be healthier. It was something constructive that replaced all the thoughts of the abuse as well. Let me know if you are interested in the link.
The verse that the boy in your church recited to you, Proverbs 3:5, is one of my favorites, along with the next verse, 6) "In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." I also like Romans 12:2 -- "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." And I also like 2 Timothy 3:16 -- "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." These verses are what really help keep me rooted in my faith. It isn't easy when dealing with this issue, especially when it's your precious child who has been wronged. I hope the verses are a help, and not a source of more unrest for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.... {{{hugs}}}