Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Well it has been a while since I was here. I had to try and put this whole situation out of my mind and regain some normalcy. All the while wondering when this damn indictment would come through. It has arrived. I find myself conflicted. I'm happy to see some forward movement, but at the same time I am dreading the trial. This indictment has brought back all the old feelings of hatred and vengeance. The people in my life are happy for me and my daughter. I suppose they don't know what other sentiment to convey. I smile and say "It's about time" but really I feel my stability slipping away. I can't concentrate. I feel anxious. I understand why victims don't come forward and just want to put it in the past.
My wife seemed excited. She wants him to pay. I want him to suffer. Now I have to start all over again. I have to spackle the cracks in my psyche and hold it together. I wonder how Jeff Kyle did it. I know he wanted to kill his brothers murderer and it had to be gut wrenching to be that close to him and not be able to extinguish that life. I worry whether or not I will be able to hold it together through a trial. What if he gets probation or by some act of satan is found innocent or it is declared a mistrial? What if? There are a lot of what if's. I don't want to chase that rabbit down that hole but it is so hard to resist. Will I even be able to behave myself. Shit, I need a drink.
What of my daughter? Having to be in the same room as that asshole. I can only imagine how uncomfortable she will feel. That's probably my biggest problem, my damn imagination. Will she have to take the stand? What damage is this trial going to do to her? Seeing her hurt is like pouring gas on the fire. Her pain fuels my rage. I guess I will just have to deal with it. But I swear. If he walks on this, he's a dead man.
My wife seemed excited. She wants him to pay. I want him to suffer. Now I have to start all over again. I have to spackle the cracks in my psyche and hold it together. I wonder how Jeff Kyle did it. I know he wanted to kill his brothers murderer and it had to be gut wrenching to be that close to him and not be able to extinguish that life. I worry whether or not I will be able to hold it together through a trial. What if he gets probation or by some act of satan is found innocent or it is declared a mistrial? What if? There are a lot of what if's. I don't want to chase that rabbit down that hole but it is so hard to resist. Will I even be able to behave myself. Shit, I need a drink.
What of my daughter? Having to be in the same room as that asshole. I can only imagine how uncomfortable she will feel. That's probably my biggest problem, my damn imagination. Will she have to take the stand? What damage is this trial going to do to her? Seeing her hurt is like pouring gas on the fire. Her pain fuels my rage. I guess I will just have to deal with it. But I swear. If he walks on this, he's a dead man.
As hard as it is try not to think of the "what ifs". They are completely out of your control. Justice doesn’t often come in the way we want it to. I am preparing for that myself as there is not really “justice” for juvenile offenders as in the case of my son’s perp. - it’s about “rehabilitation”. Part of me says “Fuck rehabilitation!!! I want him punished! I want him to pay, suffer and die.” But there’s nothing I can do about it as the court decides. I have resigned myself to believe that my son’s perp’s punishment will have to come in different ways. And karma is a bitch! I have to believe that to make it through.
I agree with heartsadx3 that I hope your daughter will come through this empowered, regardless of the outcome. Communicate that to her often.
How will you get through court? To put it simply, you will because you must. It may very well be the hardest thing you ever do, but you will do it BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU. This is what I tell myself over and over and over whenever I have fantasies about beating, killing, confronting my son's perp - my child needs me, my child needs me, my child needs me. Your daughter will need your strength especially in the moments she may feel that she has none herself.
Perhaps you aren't the kind of guy that's into counseling, but consider it especially for your daughter to help her get through the judicial process.
Thanks again for your candor. Best to you and your daughter.
"What If" is making me crazy. This is their grandfather. They lost an entire half of their family unit. What if they see that half of the family in the court room, on his side, supporting him? What if they see him and are reminded by the fact that they did love him at one time, and they see that he is old, and in a nursing home now, and they miss him, or feel bad for him?
What if the Asshole starts to cry? What will my kids feel? What if he is deemed innocent? What will my kids feel? The local news will be there covering the story. What if their friends happen to see it and recognize their grandfather? What if I want to reach out and bust his nose into his face and rip his penis off and shove it down his throat?
Kill him a thousand times in your mind. It still won't be enough. Or focus on your daughter's wellbeing -- and your own -- and take each day one at a time. Breathe, and let this be a day to find something good about life. Wishing you all the peace YOU can muster.
Matthew 10:28 (Show me Matthew 10)
And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
That was a verse that I read this week. Its hard to imagine but God is not worried about our perpetrators and he doesn't want us to either. He knows the judgement that is coming for each of them for their actions.