Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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Adult Daughters abused when they were children

TraLaw
TraLaw

My adult daughters were abused by my 1st cousin when they were both approx 8-9 years old. My cousin was approx. 20.


They only told me a few months ago. They asked me to stay quiet about it for now. My 22yo daughter told me and is so closed about it all.... she cant deal and  wishes she never told anyone. Her life is a mess, eating disorder and just hates herself. On the outside she seems perfect and seems she has a wonderful great happy life.  22yo talked to her sister, 23yo, about a week later and disclosed the abuse, 23yo also was abused, he did it to both of them. My 23yo daughter told me and made a police report that day, then a statement a week later. 22yo wont go to police or counselling. 23yo is in counselling.


This cousin is like my best friend. So over the past few months i told him im working  12 hour days, and just so busy. So he doesnt suspect they have told me. He lives 800kms away, so im just ignoring his calls and messages, then saying im so busy and tired.


His mum is also my best friend, she lives close by and i have told her the same..... im so busy etc etc So for past few months minimal contact.... i just cant talk to him, and his mum has done nothing wrong... YET! But when my daughter gets the investigation started in a month or two..... i expect his mum will be on his side 100% Even though my daughters are always being praised by her as amazing, wonderful young ladies atm. She will turn on them i expect.


I am unsure about it all. I want to tell everyone what he has done. I want every one to disown him when this truth comes out!


Im so scared for my daughters. Im so scared he wont go to prison.


I just cant wait for the investigation to start so i can verbally abuse him and tell everyone about him being a sick $%@#


I am wishing he will just admit it to the detectives when investigation starts and its easy!


I have so many questions about what to do.... i dont know where to start. Does anyone have a good story where the abuser gets prison and the victims get justice?

brknhrt
brknhrt
I can't say this is the story you're looking for, but the book Straying Toward Truth by Karen Fennell is a good book which tells the story of what happened when a therapist's own adult son disclosed that his uncle had abused him as a boy. It is told from three perspectives taking turns--the son's, the mother's as a mother, and the mother's as a therapist.
TraLaw
TraLaw
Thank you xo
JFoust
JFoust
You have to do you. But if it were me, next time cousin called, I’d say “You know exactly why I’m not talking to you.” And hang up. Again and again and again. Its your daughter’s choice about weather or not to prosecute but you have a story too. You were betrayed too. If I’ve learned anything in the past few years, its been that I have to grieve my own trauma separately from my beloved daughter's. They are linked but they are not the same.
MomofCBA
MomofCBA
I can relate in that for us it was our best friends young juvenile son who was the perp. It has been the hardest thing to not talk to them. You go from talking every day and always hanging out to nothing. I ran into her on the street the other day and we barely made eye contact. I want to scream sometimes because I just want to ask why? Why didn't she stop it. Why didn't I stop it? But again it all just takes time. We as the parent just have to work through our own trauma with all of this. I pray for you and your girls that they find peace.
helpme2017
helpme2017
You are doing the right thing. My child perp was also my cousin, and his sister and I were best friends. His mom( my aunt) was like a mom. I confronted him and he lawyer up right away. A lot of my family does not want to believe but some do. I also recommend the book mention above, it was very helpful for me. Praying for you and your daughters.
TraLaw
TraLaw
Thank you. Yes i have read that book. It was awful.... her family saying "your son (10yrs old) had sex with his uncle" and thats that!!!! So messed up i cant even!!!!
I just dont get it at all.
Our society is disgusting. My family will not be like that. My cousins mum, bro, and a handful of others on his side of family may be on his side when it all comes out..... but the majority will side with my daughters.

Still waiting for my daughter to start investigation. She wants to start in middle of Jan. Then the detectives will take 2-4 weeks to put the case together. The main detective has 3 weeks leave in Feb. So at the end of Feb he will be arrested and questioned. Im grateful i only have 2 months left of avoiding them and trying to stay nice to them. I cant wait to tell everyone he is a sick individual.

Just to get to that point is my justice now. To wipe him out of my life 100% and tell everyone why will be my justice. I hope my dauggters get their justice with that too and prison!
TraLaw
TraLaw
Helpme2017
Why does your family not believe? What is their reasoning?
In this day and age after #metoo and the church investigations.... how can people not believe?

I just dont get it.
crybaby
crybaby
If the girls testify together you have a good chance of prosecution....good luck
TraLaw
TraLaw
Thank you xxoo