It's been about six months since I decided to take a break from this forum, just to see if I was able to function without it. I want to offer a  heartfelt welcome to all who have arrived here for the first time in the interim, and to say I still love and support you to the fellow travelers who were here when I was active.

This year marks seven years since my daughter disclosed being raped by a former neighbor when she was eight; she waited 15 years to tell me, and I absolutely fell apart, utterly shattered -- full of guilt, anger, horror and shock, unable to take refuge in denial, because I finally understood why her personality had changed at that age. As old-timers here know, at the time she disclosed, my daughter was a full-blown opioid addict, a fact she had hidden from me until six months before she disclosed the rape. It has largely been a very dark, often terrifying seven years. But....recent months have brought many miracles!

Miracle 1: In December, my daughter marked two years of sobriety.

Early last year -- it now seems so long ago -- a controlling man (monster?) she was living with, whom she had met in rehab, beat her savagely. She ended up in the hospital, and was transferred to a mental health hospital several hours away.

At the mental health hospital, she happened to meet a guy who had brought a relative in to have her meds checked, and they got to talking. They got along, really well, and this guy was very supportive and understanding, having struggled with similar abuse as a child and subsequent substance abuse. They sensed a real connection, but were determined to be only friends. They really tried! But within a few months, after my daughter had moved out of a women's shelter, they moved in together.

Miracle 2: This arrangement worked out well. Very well! In nine weeks, I will become a grandmother! Alphabetically, baby comes before marriage, and so it will, in real life, for my daughter! :D

Miracle 3: My daughter is filled with wonder and excitement about the baby. She has recovered a strong sense of self and her spirituality. She is interested in what's going on in the rest of the world, and we talk a lot now about current events and big ideas. She is also intent on completing online that one last college course she needs for her bachelor's (seven years later), and wants to tack on a professional degree ASAP.

Miracle 4: Because, by happenstance, our entire nuclear family all ended up moving to the same city a few months ago, she and my younger daughter are finally getting to know and like each other -- for the first time in decades. They talk and laugh and get together without my husband and me. It's the relationship I always wanted for my children, but which trauma nearly destroyed. We now all gather for Sunday dinners and...it's really fun! Sometimes I just sit back and listen to my girls talking to each other as loving sisters at last.

Miracle 5: My husband and I are still alive, healthier than we've been in years, and still gainfully employed. At one point, my husband had a very lucrative career, but after all the expenses and losses of the last seven years (expenses = psychologists, doctors, rehabs, and however much we unwittingly spent on Oxycontin and heroin + a massive tax error made during the worst of my shock and depression after disclosure; losses = the market dropped out just as we listed our house for sale -- we owed money at the closing), we have no (zero) retirement savings. Even though we're only a few years from retirement age, somehow the money keeps coming in, and we have slowly begun to save again. We have four years to go, and, if we can avoid major illness, with that small nest egg, we may be able to supplement our Social Security and live in reasonable comfort. God willing, at "worst," we now have a choice of two healthy daughters who can take us in. 

The healing finally feels real. 

Hang in there, old and new friends. Long ago, visitors here told me that healing really was possible. I didn't know it would take the better part of a decade. But it's finally here. As terrifying, depressing and broken as life can seem after a child discloses being victimized by this horrible crime -- and whether you are able to keep the faith or not -- one day you will again find yourself not just surviving, but actually feeling that life is worth living. This nightmare will not always be the center of your existence. You will, without a doubt, go through hell in the meantime, but one day you will notice that what had looked like the brightest fire ahead is actually the light of miracles at the end of the tunnel. 

You're in the right place for support, love, shared wisdom and hope you may find nowhere else. I'm so glad you're here. Love you all!