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A Poem I wrote recently to family members

13yearslater
13yearslater

Please STOP


Please


Stop sending me cheery invitations 


That advertise the privilege of your innocence



Cheery invitations that ask me to pretend 


That life remained as it was when I woke one morning


Innocent to wrongs 


So personal


So unthinkable


That will never be unseen in my brain 


That shattered MY innocence and MY privilege 


Before that bedtime



Please STOP


Please


STOP sending me cheery invitations that include the boy, then nearly a man


Who hurt my baby 


While charged with her protection


In the night of her very own room 


A haven of safety 


Then not 


Then 


A nightmare 



Please STOP


Please


STOP sending me cheery invitations that include the boy, 


Nearly a man, 


Who stole my family from me


Stole the simple joys of celebrating holidays and milestones


Replacing joy 


With angst so deep and wide that the scab never fully heals


And opens fully 


With the consistent scratch of your too-often, too-cheerful missives 


That ask me to pretend that all is right


That assume I will put on a face of cheer 


To celebrate 


When instead they make me want to scream out my anguish



Please STOP


Please


Stop sending me cheery invitations that ignore a mother’s mandate to stand by her daughter 


Who cannot 


Will not 


Should not 


Be asked to celebrate in a room with the thief of her innocence



Please STOP


Please


Stop sending me cheery invitations that ask me to choose between 


my parents and my daughter


Stringing me on a rack that pulls 


And pulls


And excruciatingly pulls


Ripping me open


And keeping me awake in the night



Please STOP


Please


Stop sending me cheery invitations that advertise your privilege 


As a woman who has not had her family torn from her 


Who cannot fathom


Or chooses not to 


Because her children stayed safe through their journey to adulthood



You are a mother who has happily, luckily


Not known her baby hurt


Not known her baby violated


Who cannot imagine that the hurt resonates


Continues on 


And on 


And reawakens


Each time she is asked to celebrate 


With a now-man who stole our innocence 


Without apology or remorse



Please STOP


Please STOP sending me cheery invitations



Please


Please 


STOP



Naive1.2
Naive1.2
You have a gift. Let it all out, baby. This is really important.
13yearslater
13yearslater
Thank you. It helps to express it.
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
What we all feel!
lusks1
lusks1
Haunting but beautiful because t tears at my soul in a healing manner. I hear you.
ashley73
ashley73
13yearslater - Wow. Powerful and brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you have had to live through this. And your precious girl.. So unfair.
lotus1978f
lotus1978f
That's beautiful and heart wrenching. Any responses from them?
13yearslater
13yearslater
Well, mostly anger at me for sending it. My parents got it and were sad for us that we still feel so much pain. But my brothers and their wives couldn't look beyond their anger that I sent it to not only them but also all the nieces and nephews (who are now successful adults). They felt it was unfair of me. I felt it was honest and brave of me. I felt it explained to them why I have not been in their lives as much as I once was. I felt it explained why i wouldn't be at their upcoming events such as bridal showers and the bris of their newborn even though I am family and supposed to be. I felt it was time that they really understood all of the ramifications of the family actions all those years and hoped that they would understand why and that we are doing the right thing and standing by our girl.

Eventually my brothers spoke to me again but there is a further tension there. I think they really and truly want me to pretend that all is fine so that they can.

I miss having a family, but it hurts too much to have this one.