Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi everyone, I just joined the group.
Some background: I am married to a wonderful man and together we have a daughter who is now 14. We used to live in a duplex with my husband's father, mother and sister living in the upstairs suite, and us living in the main floor suite. Back in September we had a text from my daughter's friend's father telling us that our daughter was suicidal. She was very depressed and wanted to end it all.
We panicked of course. So worried! We called in youth counsellors and through a lot of help my daughter came forward during a conversation with me, with the fact that her Grandfather had sexually abused her. She wasn't sure of the age that it happened at but was very clear on the details. Through Child and Family services and the police, we pressed charges against my father in law and he had to move out. He never denied the allegations, so at least there is that.
My daughter had counselling right away. Unfortunately, my mother in law and sister in law chose to move out and live with him. They believed my daughter but felt that it wasn't a big deal! They are in complete denial.
We then had to sell the duplex as we all owned it and found a nice little house about 5 mins away from our old place. My daughter didn't have to change schools etc.
I am now faced with the trauma of this all. I am mad, sad, frustrated you name it. I want to cry suddenly and I picked up some road rage. I have a lot of anger as we were never able to confront my father in law. I am also mad because my mother in law wants contact with my daughter even though she still lives with that sicko. My mother in law and sister in law are in complete denial and still want to visit with my daughter. We are cutting them out even though they didn't do anything, but they are standing by the abuser. My husband is really struggling too as he has no other family. Basically my daughter and I are it, along with my family members.
So that is the quick version of our crisis. I crying a lot. I have panic attacks and find every day really hard to cope with. I find myself trying to do anything to make my daughter happy. It is exhausting.
Thank you for this group!
Jazz
Some background: I am married to a wonderful man and together we have a daughter who is now 14. We used to live in a duplex with my husband's father, mother and sister living in the upstairs suite, and us living in the main floor suite. Back in September we had a text from my daughter's friend's father telling us that our daughter was suicidal. She was very depressed and wanted to end it all.
We panicked of course. So worried! We called in youth counsellors and through a lot of help my daughter came forward during a conversation with me, with the fact that her Grandfather had sexually abused her. She wasn't sure of the age that it happened at but was very clear on the details. Through Child and Family services and the police, we pressed charges against my father in law and he had to move out. He never denied the allegations, so at least there is that.
My daughter had counselling right away. Unfortunately, my mother in law and sister in law chose to move out and live with him. They believed my daughter but felt that it wasn't a big deal! They are in complete denial.
We then had to sell the duplex as we all owned it and found a nice little house about 5 mins away from our old place. My daughter didn't have to change schools etc.
I am now faced with the trauma of this all. I am mad, sad, frustrated you name it. I want to cry suddenly and I picked up some road rage. I have a lot of anger as we were never able to confront my father in law. I am also mad because my mother in law wants contact with my daughter even though she still lives with that sicko. My mother in law and sister in law are in complete denial and still want to visit with my daughter. We are cutting them out even though they didn't do anything, but they are standing by the abuser. My husband is really struggling too as he has no other family. Basically my daughter and I are it, along with my family members.
So that is the quick version of our crisis. I crying a lot. I have panic attacks and find every day really hard to cope with. I find myself trying to do anything to make my daughter happy. It is exhausting.
Thank you for this group!
Jazz
The number one best decision I ever made early on in thus process was to stop waisting energy on those who were not supporting us and to focus that instead on my family and daughters healing. Second best maybe tie was getting help for my anger and depression and joint a recovery group and being proactive in my own healing. Oh and getting a cat she is the best therapy for all of us.
Love one day and one moment at a time. Love your daughter love yourself it will get better. You are an amazing momma and we here offer our love and support. Hugs!!!
I think this is kind of what it must feel like for those who lose their entire extended family in an earthquake or a house fire, with two gigantic differences. First, of course, you have to deal with the excruciating wound of child sexual abuse, which is bigger than all of us -- this is something we can't undo, that will never go away (although healing IS possible, and PROBABLY will happen to a very successful degree, even for someone who was suicidal). Second, there's no funeral -- no formal announcement to the world of all you have lost, and because of your innate and correct desire to protect your daughter's privacy, you're certainly not going to be posting this on Facebook. So only your closest of friends may have any idea about what you're experiencing, and even they don't get it, because it's unfathomable (until it happens to you). It's very lonely, being the one helping to hold together the world of a shattered child, while trying to hold yourself together, too, with little or no direct support, and none whatsoever from your family.
Therapy will help. Coming here will help. Therapy costs money. We're' free here. Do whatever works to say whatever you need to say to anyone who will listen and support you. I have to hop off now, but I am glad you've found us. Thinking of you!!!
Each day is a challenge. But at least I know I am not alone.
We knew then that they could never be part of our family again.
This is all just so overwhelming. I am so angry.
I just don't get how people can just be in so much denial. My guess is that most of the people who aren't reacting might have had a history of it themselves. Sometimes admitting it is horrible, would mean admitting the they too were victims. Through my daughter's disclosure I found out a lot about the women in my own family. Most have been sexually assaulted or raped. It is such an epidemic. So many survivors out there and it took me ages to find even this website. I wish there were support groups out there in my city.
We were also shocked to learn of a relative's recent rape. That makes two out of 7 females in the same generation. Amazingly, that's about average!
This will cause conflict with your spouse, your friends, your child and even within your own self... And through all this you need to carefully remind yourself the blame belongs to the perp.
Anyone who dismisses your child's feelings can walk the plank for your ship is in distress and will sink if burdened with unnecessary stress and adversity.
Focus on healing for you and your family first and foremost. Again to accomplish this, the distractions of the non believers or the dismissers will only derail you from the main objective of wellness in your home.
Best wishes and stay strong!
Turn about is fair play
Their feelings and sentiments can be equally dismissed by you.