I am sorry that this has happened to you. Are you in therapy? If it helps to talk about it, I am all ears. I don't know if there is a normal parent reaction. It's a tough situation and we all have different ways of handling it!

I also am so sorry that this happened to you - it is one of the ugly sides of abuse that I just do not understand, and can imagine the pain that you have been through. I have a friend who also had some type of sexual abuse at a young age with some friends sons - and she too was effected by her parents not doing anything about it. I can't imagine - we have been very honest with our daughter (who is only 5 now) that we are doing everything we can about her abuse, and she understands that her abuser is being dealt with. I think it is certainly appropriate for you to be on here, and can certainly give us all a different view than we are seeing.

I was abused as a child and my parents did nothing except try and make it seem like it was normal for this to happen to children... Now that I'm a mom and my brother raped my daughter I reacted very differently than my parents... It was like my whole world was falling apart when my daughter told me... I immediately wanted to physically harm/kill my own brother... Thank god he was far away in another state when I found out or else I would be in jail... The first thing I did was take my daughter to the emergency room and reported it to the police... After that I took my daughter to a child advocacy center and had her forensically examined and interviewed... After that we agreed to press charges on my brother and proceeded to wait two years for our day in court... I immediately got my daughter into counseling and myself into counseling to help handle everything after some time my husband(my daughters father) also went to a counselor to help him cope with the secondary trauma he was feeling from this assault on our daughter... This happened 3 years ago and we are all still in counseling...!!!

I allowed my daughter to talk to me about her feelings and helped her understand exactly what happened... I also completely removed anyone from my life that did not 100% support my daughter, this included my own mother and father as well as my brother of course....!!! But also disconnected with any friends that where not 100% supportive...!!!

This to me is how a "normal" parent should react... The sad thing is that "normal"'doesn't mean the majority... Because to often... Parents react much the same way that your and my parents reacted... Sweeping it under the rug...!!!

I'm so so sorry for what you have been through... I completely understand the pain you are in and have suffered... My best advice is to find yourself a trauma counselor who specializes in sexual abuse and make sure it is a female... This will help you so much... I have completely changed me in the best way... I waited until I was 30 to find this help... I can't imagine how much better my life would have been if I had done this for myself when I was 20...!!!

You have my support anytime you need it... I am furious at your parents for there lack of parental abilities and I am furious at the creepy pedophile who raped you when you where a little girl... Big hugs to you...!!!

Oh I'm so sorry sweetie...you are welcome here and if you go on the survivors board you'll find many that had similar parent denial. My mom also ignored what happened to me and my daughter was abused by him (step dad) as well. My mom despite proof of his pedophile habbits on the internet continues to deny her husband has a problem.

I often am amazed at the other mothers here who care and go above and beyond for thier kids when my own did nothing but support the perp. I wish you well in your own healing,

Thanks, guys. For me, therapy has been utterly useless, and I've been in therapy on and off since age 10, though it wasn't for the abuse back then. I never told anyone until I was almost 17. I once watched the Oprah episodes where she talked to 200 grown men who were molested as children (And I am male, btw), and there were so many stories like my own-that their parents acted like nothing was wrong. I'll tell you this as well: it messes with you down the road when you're figuring out your sexuality, especially as a gay guy. In my case, it was my 13 year old cousin who now has a wife and young daughter. Scary, huh?

One of my daughter and my biggest supporters and bestest friends in the whole world is a gay man who also has an abuse history... His parents walked in on the abuse happening to him when he was only 3 and his father beat him with a 2x4 telling him repeatedly... Never do that again.... As if a 3 year old even knew what he was doing... After the beating his parents effectively swept it under the rug. And my dear friend literally repressed the memory of this until my daughter disclosed her abuse to us... Then it all came back like a flood of emotions... It was very difficult for him... I sat with him as he cried it out... For him counseling was also not the answer.... But I have been there as a support for him as he has been there to support my daughter and I... I'm very sorry this has happened to you... And yes your right it is scary this cousin of yours has a family... Have you ever thought of telling his wife about the abuse he put you through... I think it would be honorable of you to tell his wife because she should be educated in this area in order to be aware of the potential danger her husband posses for her child...!!! I don't know if you have access to his wife via Facebook or
Something... But I understand if your not ready for that. It is a big step to take... Another dear friend of mine was molested by her stepfather and when my daughter disclosed and she saw how I handled everything she became very angry with her own mother for sweeping it under the rug..... And reached out to Facebook and told every single on of her stepfathers Facebook friends his potential danger and warned them to keep
Kids away from this man.., I was so incredibly proud of her bravery in doing this... She did get a mixed bag of responses but a few mothers with children thanked her profusely for saying something because they had allowed this man access to their children which they said would never happen again....!!!

Well anyways I wish you luck and of course the support of friends you may have... My friends have now completely replaced my family, and i would be lost without them....!!! As you can see quit a lot of my friends have also experienced abuse and parental denial... It is way more common than one would like it to be...!!!! It's a shame that there are not more people like me who give andamn about their children's well being after abuse...!!!!

Big safe hugs to you.... May you find support and inner peace...!!!

I glad you found us, but sorry you had the need to. I am a parent of 3 children who were abused by a family member. I will tell you what I told my children,

I am proud of you for speaking up and standing up for what is right
I am so sorry this has happened to you
That person will never hurt you again
Lets try some things to help us through this hard time

We all have a therapist. Currently my oldest daughter is refusing therapy. " don't need it" "it doesn't help" etc. I am letting her try her own self therapy. She writes poetry, stories, listen to music, paints, draws, etc. I will get her back to therapy one day. We need to find one that will click with her. I am guessing this is your issue as well when it comes to therapy. I have also learned that men react differently. My husband also refuses traditional therapy. He has his own self therapy. which is great but I can see it is not working.

So, if it helps you to pour it out, do so with us. We all have different stories, ideas, views, etc. We are all accepting and try our hardest to help each other.

Love to you

Wolverine,

I am so sorry this happened to you and that your parents didn't react appropriately. There is no "normal" but my 8 year old son disclosed last December that my husband's 13 year old son had been sexually abusing him. I remained calm. Waited until the right moment later that day to tell my husband (I didn't want to traumatize my son). He removed his son, the perpetrator immediately and reported the abuse himself. What I've told my son and continue to tell him is that it was not his fault and that he did nothing wrong - that it was all his stepbrother's fault and that he was being told lies by his stepbrother so he could do things that were not safe.

I've had my son to see a psychiatrist for trauma based therapy, but he doesn't understand the gravity of what happened to him. He doesn't know what sex or sex abuse is so I know the real work will come later when he's old enough to realize.

I am so glad you posted here. You are loved and supported here. As a parent of a boy victim I am always interested to know what the best things to do for him are. What are the best things I can do for him - especially when he's old enough to realize what was done to him? If I may reach out to you for these answers I would be ever so grateful.

Oh, and I'd like to add that I tell my son how brave he is for finally telling!

SABINUT - very good point. We all learn from each other here. As victims and as parents.

Wolverine22, my daughter was 8 when she was sexually assaulted, repeatedly, regularly, by an adult neighbor. She revealed this to us only when she was 24. I cannot even imagine the lengths to which I would have gone to defend and avenge her when she was little, had I known. We have been through quite a rough couple of years since disclosure, as she has also been dealing with substance abuse and the financial fallout from a wretched, abusive ex-boyfriend (she kept THAT aspect hidden from us, too). She is now clean/sober, involved with a truly great guy, returning to school, and seems optimistic about life for the first time in years.

My daughter also had little success with therapy, at first. Actually, she was in therapy for over a decade with a psych to whom she never revealed her childhood sexual abuse, so there was no chance of success from that effort. After disclosure, we brought her to a therapist who used EMDR to help sexual trauma survivors; however, as we learned later, she was pretty bad at using this technique, to the point of malpractice -- she wanted my daughter to focus on the worst of the abuse during their sessions, and this only left my daughter more upset and anxious, and did nothing to help her stay away from substances. We have since learned that EMDR is successful when therapists start small -- banishing the pain of little worries and irritants. The method gradually sinks deeper into the brain, relieving the larger traumas without necessarily addressing them head-on. Additionally, she has found meditation helpful. She began to feel more empowered by attending and leading recovery groups. As you mentioned elsewhere, helping someone else deal with this pain can be very helpful for one's own soul.

What works best for you is something you will discover, but please keep working on recovery, and on getting a grasp on everything for which you can feel grateful. Focusing on the positive seems to draw us along a path toward contentment, and gives us something positive on which to build.

Please stop by here anytime. We hurt for you, too, and want you to heal.

Sabinut, I sent you a PM, and for anyone else, feel free to message me if you want to talk 1-on-1, nothing's off-limits. Native, I'm glad she's getting help. I take medication and need my antidepressants to function, and I have a feeling I'd be depressed even if I hadn't been abused.

Depression runs in our family, so I thought my daughter was "just" depressed. She could never explain to me why she was sad. We were so close, it never occurred to me that she simply didn't want to explain it. Meds can be a lifesaver. Learn to put yourself first in your life and always treat yourself well!!!

I'm very sorry for your parent's poor reaction. That must have been and still be very difficult for you and not something a child should experience.

I thought I might share a little with you about my brother in law who was also abused. It started for him around 7 years old and continued into his early teen years. He never told his parents until he was an adult. He started having severe issues with depression and starting seeing a therapist a few years ago to help him work through it. Once he told his parents about the abuse, his mother called the mother of the abuser to tell her (it was her sister). Her sister didn't believe it and talked to the abuser about it. He said that is wasn't abuse and that they both wanted to do it. The sisters didn't speak for about a month and then moved on like it was nothing. He didn't really feel supported either and they just brushed it under the rug. Now, his mother often pressures him to come to family events even though he doesn't feel comfortable being around the perp. The good thing is that he is mentally healthy now and has been married to his partner for several years. He still has difficulties when he is triggered but all in all, he is doing well. He also struggled with his sexuality in his teens and tried dating both girls and boys. Eventually he figured himself out and realized he was gay. I guess I'm telling you this so you know you aren't the only one going through this struggle. I'm sorry that your mother didn't give you the support you needed. Maybe she just had a hard time facing reality. Hopefully one day your parents will come around and give you the support you need! Hang in there!