Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I know this is a no brainer for most of you,and a lot of you never understood how I could continue a relationship with my sil(mother of perp).I was on the phone with my sil on Saturday when daughter called me, I told her to hold on and she got a notebook and wrote this,I must add we have spoken about me continuing a relationship with sil and daughter said she was fine with it.So anyway she wrote this "it bothers me now mom,I cant take it anymore! I did mind" So now I feel like I was being selfish.My sil has been very supportive,her son admitted to what he did,Do I cut off all contact with her for daughters sake? Im a little confused,my sil never tried to get out of anything and told me to report if I must,she never tried to turn family against one another,she took responsibility.But my daughter is my main concern.I will cut of contact if necessary for her to be ok.I know this is not like other situations but I wonder if letting her control who I have relationships is a bad thing.When my husband and I first got together he had a 4 year old daughter who did everything she could to keep us apart,even told him that if he was with me he could forget about her,a therapist told us we must not let a child control our decisions as long as they were healthy sound decisions.Please.I would like your honest opinion
As a survivor of child abuse myself I speak from the heart when i say, please do everything in your power to reduce triggers about the abuse for your precious daughter. She needs to regain some control in her life, because the control was stolen from her by her cousin and it left her feeling powerless. She needs to see that her words have impact, her feelings are important and that you are there for her first above all else...!!! She comes first!!! She is way more important than any other person in this world!!! She is suffering, and she is brave enough to come to you for support! Just honor her feelings and put her first...!!!
I can not explain in any words what it is like to be a survivor of abuse or what it feels like to have PTSD from
It... But I can only hope to convey how much it means to have someone stand up for me and to honor my feeling and my words...!!!
You have the power to help your daughter right now... Because she spoke up!!! She blessed you with her trust and her voice, all you have to do is honor her in this way and you will be helping her more than words can say...!!!
I know it hurts and it is hard to loose family, but remember you are a grown up and you can handle this pain... Your daughter is still developing and she needs help holding her pain...!!!!
I'm so sorry to say all this but I not only speak as a survivor of child abuse but I also speak as a mother of an abused daughter and I have seen first hand how much it has helped
My daughter in her healing process to remove any triggers that she has... This includes my own mother! And it has been so worth it...!!! My daughter is thriving and healthy and is able to talk about very difficult emotions with me because she knows I will always be on her side!
So please remember it is temporary.. Tell your daughter that you will discontinue your relationship with sil until she feels comfortable with your contact with sil and that you respect her feeling and that you are so proud of her for telling you how she feels!!!
Right now the central focus is your daughter period. She needs validation of her feelings and the event. Perhaps after more time has passed and she has moved on this won't be an issue. I'm glad you posted this here and you are standing up for your daughter and putting her interest first. Good job momma!!!
The reason it is so important to allow your daughter to have some power and control right now is because if she continues to feel powerless she will resort to self distructive ways of gaining control in her life, anything from self harm, to eating disorders or just poor choices as she goes into her teen years... I say this because I've been there and done that and I know what the danger is first hand!
But it sounds as if you are doing all the right things and making this very tough choice to put your daughters needs before anyone else including yourself will ultimately be worth the pain and struggle...
Just be gentle with your sil and make sure you tell her that your there in spirit if not in the physical form of a friend to lean on... She should understand. And remember she is an adult, so therefor she is better equipped to handle this trying time... Where as your daughter is still to young and needs you more than anyone to be with her now!
My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm wishing you all the best, and so much joy and tenderness as you walk on your healing path with your little girl!