Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My daughters' perp. admitted to wrong doing in front of an investigator but when
he came in front of the judge to get his court date he told them he didn't know
what the allegations were. I heard the judge said he may get an aggrivated misdemeanor
which means he MIGHT get 1 year in jail? We are just beginning this nightmare all over again. It isn't just my daughters' but I worry about the perp's 2 daughters.
A friend actually posted my story earlier - lusks1. I saw the responses to that and appreciate the comments.
he came in front of the judge to get his court date he told them he didn't know
what the allegations were. I heard the judge said he may get an aggrivated misdemeanor
which means he MIGHT get 1 year in jail? We are just beginning this nightmare all over again. It isn't just my daughters' but I worry about the perp's 2 daughters.
A friend actually posted my story earlier - lusks1. I saw the responses to that and appreciate the comments.
Every one of us here has had to draw a line of where our responsibility ends with regard to potential victims. Yes it's great if our words our heeded yes it would be wonderful if every perp out there recieved justice, their names in the registry etc but the reality is the majority do not. So we are left having to accept that harsh unfair reality. I was told by my counselor to decide what I needed to do in order to feel closure with regard to future known victims. My closure was informing the parents. I had to accept that I may not be believed, or taken seriously,enough to keep their kids out of harms way and that I decided is not in my control and is not my responsibility. I absolutely believe our abuser will abuse other grandchildren my nieces or nephews and there is nothing I can do about it. I hate knowing that but there it is. I pray that something else will result in,a conviction God willing. It took a long time I am not in contact with my brothers because not only did they not support me and my daughter i,could not stand by and watch them,make the same mistake i did. I pray my absence is a reminder of how serious it really is. You will find peace eventually because you,and your children,will heal and move on. Your children will no longer be in danger and you will feel better able to protect them as well as they will be better informed for the future. Don't stay in muddy waters. Let doubters and haters go. They make thier choices but you,dont have to stand by soaking up their mistakes. Break free.
Be prepared always to be disappointed in the legal system second.
Keep your head up and occupy your thoughts on how to heal yourself and your girls.
Paying attention to the legal system will only prevent your healing and cause pain and frustration.
Rare is the case in this where families feel they attained justice through the law.
If it helps, remember that his own actions will always cause him problems. You only have to deal with him once and awhile. He has to live in his skin 24/7 and deal with the repercussions of his personality disorder.
In my children's case, we got NO justice legally (because the family lied to CPS & the detective). We got NO justice socially (the family has refused to believe that the issues are as serious as they are therefore won't retreat from the groups we were both a part of). We have lost friends. Our extended family is more strained than ever. And I'll tell you the list of crimes he committed:
- distribution of child pornography
- photography of a naked minor (during sexual abuse)
- use of an object on a minor's privates
- rape (oral for boy, I think anal for different boy and vaginally for girl) of a minor under 12
- (I believe) Sodomizing a toddler
- molestation of a minor under 12
- use of a deadly weapon on a minor during forcible rape
- mutilation of a minor's privates
- oral copulation on both male and female children
- child abuse (physical, emotional and mental)
- bodily harm with a deadly weapon on minor
- lying to police and CPS
- serial abuse of multiple minors (counting possibly 11 now)
- serial sadistic rape (counting possibly 5 now)
- continuing to be around children without restrictions
If this list was in regards to an adult perpetrator, they'd be behind bars and would have had a supina to search their home. But our perp is only 10 years old...he started all this at 6. His parents did not tell the full truth and I know they know the full truth. They prefer to get on with life in denial though! So this kid continues to be out there in the homeschool, Christian circles...I'm sure picking his next target and figuring out when the best time to hurt them will be.
Anyways, I have found that my best defense is offense! Going through this process is like being a caterpillar. We had a life we knew before that was comfortable and full of the normal, yummy leaves. Then BAM! Sexual abuse invades. We go into the chrysalis stage for a while.. damage control, the legal process, starting therapy, re-learning how to live life, depression, sadness, etc. We hide from the world and don't know what the purpise of life is anymore?! Then, and only after we're truly ready, we break free of yet one last power hold the perp has on our life (in our mind) and emerge victorious, all the more beautiful for our pain and suffering in the chrysalis stage! We look different, we feel different, we act different...we are wiser, stronger, braver and can see the beauty in the little things more. We comprehend that our lives have meaning and that we can recover. When we get to this butterfly stage, we can go on the offense and share our story with others. Depending on who we are sharing with, we will tell basics or details (we don't want to be preyed on again), but we tell. We aim to empower others around us with the knowledge that will protect their families from the hurt we now know. We share about body safety with other parents. We teach our children how to discreetly share their story with their friends and to always tell us anything that feels wrong to them. We don't care how others view us! We are overcomers!
So, that's my advice to you. Focus on your girls and yourself and ride out the chrysalis stage so you can get to the butterfly stage and spread the truth to all who you feel should know. Silence is the perp's best ally...our 1st ammendment right to tell the truth will help him not win again!