Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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Now what

momoftwins02
momoftwins02
Trial for my daughter is over. It was hard to hear the defense tear her and her cousin down trying to discredit them.
He (the perp.) was found guilty on both counts.
There is one more trial to go between the perp. and 3 cousins.
I just feel numb today -
there is so much sadness in the family and it caused a big rift I never would have imagined. It breaks my heart
what has happened to the family with this.
He (the perp. aka: grandpa) is in jail where he belongs but it doesn't make it easier.
I worry about my daughter healing from this.
I worry about her twin sister who although she was also a victim, they couldn't get her to talk about it in front of the forensic interviewer. Her twin sis is having a very hard time emotionally - she loved this man more than any other grandfather.
We told her in front of a counselor yesterday that grandpa is now in jail - she is in shock it seems. All she asks is when does he get out? when can I see him?
How can I help my daughters' with their confusing feelings ....

We were gone for 5 days and I still feel numb.. and tired...
Now what do I do
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
I wish I had some answers as my daughter is much like yours that idolized the perp also grandpa. My daughter was just three when at least one event happened I don't know if their were other events prior. But despite their response now you have and continue to do the right thing because despite our kidsfeelings or desires we know what is best. In time she will know you did the right and only thing.

I know what you mean by family rift I am estranged from my entire immediately family. They have abandoned me for the perp. There is nothing I can do. I'm so glad for you that the perp is in jail as he should be my daughters perp has already declared his innocence passed a polygraph and makes himself Rob e the victim of slander. Even though there was evidence from his computer on searches of having sex with children and lots pertaining to my daughter. That everyone believes is just fantasy not real actions and when I say what he did they say I'm lying. All that is hard to live with but at the end of the day my kids ate safe and away from,toxic family
Naive1
Naive1
My guess is that this is the perfect time to focus on routines -- same as always with baths, bedtimes, meals, etc. Normal now won't include the beloved perp, but can will still be normal, as much as possible. It might even be time to add in little rituals, like discussing the coolest thing you saw in nature that day. Increasing positive talk will support your positive emotions, and boy, do you need those now. Also, getting your children to focus on nature a little will encourage them to focus on it a lot, and being involved with nature can be so soothing.
Naive1
Naive1
If you're far from nature, you could instead discuss the nicest thing they saw someone else do that day, or a way in which they were kind to someone else. Your girls need to feel powerful, at last -- to know that they have a way of influencing the world around them in a way that is not detrimental to their self-esteem.
scaredmommy16
scaredmommy16
My daughter gets upset sometimes and I can tell she doesn't really understand her feelings. The last time this happened, I laid down with her and just rubbed her back and whispered comforting things to her. I told her things like how sometimes we feel sad and we don't know why, or sometimes things make us upset but we always have each other, etc. As mothers of these girls, I think we also deal with overwhelming and confusing emotions as well. We are all learning how to deal with them so I think the best thing to do is learn ourselves how to calm down and also be able to teach the children how to relax themselves. I am so sorry that your girls are going through this. They are brave for having come forward and hopefully soon this ordeal will be over so you can all move toward peace.
96Percent
96Percent
I received advice from a smart man.
He told me oftentimes when Ur struggling to give the right answers to your child
All you really need to say and all they really need to hear is
Mommy loves you, (give a hug) and everything's going to be okay.
That may not work for every single issue, but it's a smart simple answer that applies more often than you initially think and takes a lot of stress off from trying to explain what is really unexplainable to a child in any good meaningful way.
Good luck!!!