Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

Grief

HoytJP
HoytJP
I feel incredibly sad this am. It's been nearly 3.5 years since disclosure. My dad passed away on 12/6/14. He was living w/me when he passed so my husband & I hosted all the family & friends that came to visit. Most of them don't know about what happened to my family, but they may have wondered why my husbands side of the family was not there. Of course it's always bittersweet to see the family/friends during this time. But I was especially happy to see a couple of my cousins that I haven't seen for many years. Of course all the family/friends have returned home now, but I really missed my cousins this am.

Then I started to think about relationships & the cousins that my daughter will never know as I do my cousins. I'm saddened by this & grieve for her. I'm sad because of decisions that I had to make for my child/family for her/us to remain healthy, but all decisions have consequences. I grieve for her in the loss of her happiness that could have been. But I also know in my heart that this decision was not made my me. It was made by the monster that abused her & family that supports him. If they had her best interest at heart, I would not be grieving for her.
Naive1
Naive1
Here's the good news, Hoyt. Your children can get to know their cousins when they're older. I grew up far from my cousins, and we had almost no relationship. Gradually, after joining Facebook, I was able to reconnect with them as adults. I have had the opportunity to see most of them, and it has been a pleasure to discover these wonderful people I never knew. It has been a present from me to myself. What you have done to protect your young family, they will be able to re-establish on their own when all parties (hopefully) are mature enough to appreciate the reasons for their separation in the present.
Naive1
Naive1
And my deepest sympathies on the loss of your father. Sympathies for the loss of routines that added meaning to your day. Take time to grieve ALL the changes.
heartsadx3
heartsadx3
I too grew up close to cousins and still love connecting with them when I can. My husband and I also grieve over our children not having grandparents like we did. We both had poor parenting but rich grandparenting. We both spent lots of time with these grandparents who sheltered us from the chaotic home lives and gave us some sense of solidness and joy. So of course we both wanted that for our children but our parents although in some ways better than who they were when we were kids are still making very horrific and unsupportive decisions towards us. Nothing says that better than my own father telling me that we have a nice family meaning my mom and step-dad (perp) and I need to get over what happened to my daughter and that he supports my mom. We will also be setting out in new directions with our family because they won't have the grandparents we had and I do very much grieve that. But they will have supportive parents and hopefully a good solid home life that we didn't have.

I like Naive's comment about connecting later in life. We do have friends who I feel are more like family and whose kids are like family to me. I invest in those relationships now. My kids will have cousins they will have never met (from my brothers) and even though that makes me sad it is what it is and it certainly isn't my choice. I still have a hard time knowing that ONE person's inexcusable and horrifying choices can cause so much pain to SO MANY people. And that so many people would support someone so evil before a three year old I really don't have words or reasons because how can there be any. There is none. They are cowards and they don't love us or have any sense of common moral values. Keep on you are doing the RIGHT AND ONLY THING YOU CAN DO!!!! We support you fully and completely understand!!!!