Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

17 years and it still goes on

Seansmon
Seansmon
I have a son that was abused 17 years ago by my husbands brother. we went through all the hoops. Sent him to jail, lost my husbands side of the family as a result. Got my boy in counseling, wonderful woman who we thought helped him tremendously. But he had become so good at hiding the abuse (6 years) I guess that he also got good at hiding that fact that he wasn't really getting better in therapy. We quit on her recommendation, after he appeared healthy. Started again a few years later when school issues came up and some minor behavior issues warranted. Again he went, jumped through the therapist hoops, and was declared fit. My son then said he was never again going back to therapy as it is a waste of time. Since then he has gotten in trouble in cycles. He does really really well for a few months then just when his life is "perfect" he seems to feel the need to flush it down the toilet. Usually everything all at once. Job, girlfriend, even on occasion with the law. Although nothing ever enough to land him in jail usually multiple tickets leading to suspended license and huge fines. Or money, racking up charges he knows he can't pay, or stealing from us, or friends. We try to watch for signs but it always seems to blindside us. Just this week he's done it again. License, job, girlfriend, friends. He's now homeless and alone. I have this tremendous guilt that we let him down. I wish I had some kind of 20/20 hindsight. I wonder if he has some form of PTSD. (Post-traumatic stress disorder) I know he needs more therapy but he thinks it's all baloney. When he's doing well he's the best human being in the world kind, caring, responsible, hardworking and everybody loves him. That is the moment he feels the need to prove he is unworthy of the promotion he just got or the girlfriends devotion, us saying how proud we are of him... I know a weekly session won't work for him, he's give up too quickly. Are there in-patient treatments centers for this kind of thing? Am I way off base? Is he just an ass? Will we ever truly have our lives back? this has me in such a state of despair I fell as though I will never be able to climb out if it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This sounds like PTSD to me. It tends to cycle. If you can get him to listen to you- try some guided imagery by Belleruth Naparstek. She created a Cd called Healing Trauma that was a lifesaver for me and my PTSD. She also wrote a book called Invisible Heroes. Very helpful!

All you can do is love him and pray. He will have to want the change for himself. Tell him that he is a hero and a survivor. Anyone who lives thru something like this is amazing. He just doesnt' understand how strong he really is yet. Hope things will get better soon for you all, Laura
Bandmom5
Bandmom5
I agree with warriormama, and just want to add that my son has PTSD. He's still going to counseling, but he had 5 sessions of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) a couple years ago that helped him quite a bit. Here's a link to it if you want to check it out http://emdria.org/ . My heart goes out to both of you, this just keeps popping up one way or another in these poor kids lives. Sometimes it's more severe than others, and some of them need to learn new or renew coping skills. Maybe your son reverts to feeling guilt and shame to some level, then that makes him sabotage himself to some degree. I hope and pray he can come to believe that the abuse does not define who he really is, it's something that happened to him that is not his fault, and it did not erase all the good gifts and talents he has to offer those who deserve to have them shared with them by him. Hang in there, sending healing thoughts and (((hugs))) your way.