Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

1 year ago, our future looked hopeful!

warriormomx5
warriormomx5

1 year ago today, we left to go on my oldest son's make-a-wish trip to Alaska!  We felt like that was the start of our family rebuilding normality and bonds after such a long year and a half separated all over the place due to my son's battle with cancer.  Either my oldest was in the potatoes getting treatment or for complications of such, or my husband was working than sleeping at the hospital with my son, or the kids were at various people's (including monster boy's) homes for the day working on school, sometimes night, while I worked with my oldest on school at the hospital or through a surgery or treatment that my hubby couldn't handle, or I was going through various tests or appts. due to my pregnancy or trying to prove I was fine to legally drive...we had just so rarely been together as one family.


Our wish trip was the symbol of re-starting normal life!  Or so we thought...never in a million years would I have ever thought that it would mark "before disclosure life" instead.  It has almost been one year since the last incident of abuse occured...to my daughter...the day after we got back from Alaska...having gone to bet at 1 a.m...we woke up too late to go to church so we decided to visit Monterey boy's family and give them their gifts from Alaska...1 year ago these were our friends that helped to send us off in our limo...I had talked my husband into going to make this visit...he almost said no and that means this whole past year the abuse could have continued even progressing to my 5th baby...never would I have expected to use the first week we came back home to call CPS, prepare our home for inspection, make police reports, move my oldest son out of the home, lose my best friend...never did I suspect that for the whole next year I'd not sleep with my husband for about the same amount of time as during cancer year...I never thought my oldest son would be living in a different state...or that we'd be flying him back and forth for cancer screenings and Dr. appts....or that we'd learn that not 1, not 2, but 3 of our children had been sadistically abused by monster boy...for years...or that i'd be calling at least 3 other families to share that their child had been sexually abused by this monster boy...or that getting my traumatized kids into therapy would be such a chore!...or that my witnessing of these disclosures/events would count so little in the eyes of the police/cps...*sigh*


It's been such a long year BUT we survived!  And the truth is slowly coming out!  And the police and CPS are starting to see that we aren't making this stuff up!  And our reunification is almost complete so we can be one family under one roof again!  We have so much further to go but progress is progress.  I thank God daily that I overheard that conversation between my daughter and monster boy's little sister that day after our trip because that was the key.  It saved my children from eventually ending up dead, which I truly believe was where this was going to escalate to!  My daughter just said as much yesterday...that the boy tried to kill her...which makes sense why she has so many scars all over her body from knives and scissors.  O.k.  I'm done processing.  


If you're still in the midst of the junk, keep fighting!  There is another side...


hopefulmama
hopefulmama
I remember I was on the phone with my sister in law (abusers mother) when my daughter came running out of her room saying she needed to talk to me,I told her to wait, I was on the phone and she was frantic,she said we needed to go for a walk and she told me.I don't even know the date but it was summer,a year ago.I tend to push dates of bad things out of my head. It's funny when I hear people say "this happened on such and such a date", I don't. remember that way, My daughter's disclosure was a blessing, she had been in therapy for 2+ years and we kept hitting a brick wall, she was good for awhile and then not. The anger was intense,at times I thought I might tell my husband to get in the car and drive down to "talk" to him (you all know I don't mean talk). Warriormom I don't know how you go it with more than 1 victim and your families other medical problems,I imagine you must go mad sometimes,but I do think we mom's handle things better than the dad's, well I think we fake being more OK,My only consolation with all of this is that I imagine the perp standing in front of God,he is watching a replay of all of this,how my daughter is suffering,how we are suffering,how my daughter is cutting her arms, how she is thinking she would be better off dead,and God asks him why he did this to an innocent little 8year old girl who loved her cousin and just wanted to watch him play video games,I imagine the embarrassment he will feel, the disgust he feels in the site of God and all of His angels. I also imagine my mother in law answering for her non support of my daughter,for putting her head in the sand,for supporting him and telling us she will get him the best lawyer she can, and for offering to move him out of the country. She will have to answer also.But things do get better, my daughter said in therapy yesterday that she thinks the self harm is over and she feels a little better.It does get better and the support we give each other is a huge factor in healing. I have come on here and ranted and raved and you guys keep me sane,tell me when I am wrong and support my feelings.Sexual abuse is a HORRIBLE thing to endure, but we are all hopeful and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
Rant on, baby. This is the place!

I'm happy that your daughter believes that the self-harming is over, and perhaps it is, but (as I'm sure you will) remain watchful. Self-harm operates in the same way addiction does, so your daughter may have "relapses." One of the many mottos of addiction-related groups is: "Progress, not perfection." Be ready for regression by focusing on how long it's been since the "last time." That's your measure of progress. And remember, this is not within your control -- it's your daughter's choice, and all you can do is to notice when she makes good choices and praise her for those.