parents of sexually abused children Community Group

This group is to help parents of sexually abused children. While our children's needs always come first, we forget that we need help too. This group is here to help. I myself have children who is victims of sexual abuse and struggle daily, with it. Please join to help support one another.

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Children's Health & Parenting
/ parents of sexually abused children Support Group

Two daughters

Raging
Raging

Yesterday, i learned that my husband of almost 8 years has been sexually abusing both of my daughters.  It started when my oldest daughter was 7 and she is now 16.  He started when my youngest was about the same age and she is 12 now.  I can't figure it out.  I keep trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.  Why didn't i see it?  Why did they wait to tell me? Recently he moved out and i guess that made it easier to tell me.  Both of them said they were scared.  Neither of them knew about the other one.  My youngest told my oldest which gave my oldest the strength to tell me.  I thought i was dreaming.  I can't sleep.  I cant eat.  Its disturbing that the investigators haven't picked him up.  Hell they haven't even interviewed my daughters yet.  I feel like i failed as a mother.  I can't stop the images that keep replaying in my mind.  As my 16yr old got older the morw he expected from her.  As she got older the more vocal she became and thats when he would go towards my youngest.  Or when my youngest was more readily available.  My oldest told me it would happen almost everyday.  She told me that i was at work or running an errand so how would i even know it was happening.  I hate that she is trying to comfort me.  I should be comforting her! I can barely breathe.  It hurts to know they were being hurt and i wasn't here to stop it.  It hurts to know that he has completely changed their lives.  He took away apart of their childhood.  He took away their trust in people.  Hell he took away my sanity.  He was supposed to help me protect them of harm.  I barely ever allowed them to stay the night at friends houses for this reason.  Now i wish i would have let them so they could have had a day of peace.  

Eeyore
Eeyore
good morning. I totally understand where you are now ! please be reassured you are not the only one to have experienced this, you are where i was 7 months ago and its the deepest darkest hell you could ever imagine.
my husband of 28 years abused my daughter (his step daughter ) when she was a teenager and she only told me in January this year so my wounds are still very fresh as well.
I feel guilty that i didnt know, that she couldnt tell me, that i left her with him, that i brought him into her life and so many other things.
Its one of the hardest things as a mother we will ever have to face and because its such a tabboo subject no one ever talks about it.
first of all please go and have a look at the MOSAC website there is so much information on there.
Have you got any close family or friends you can talk to ? i was lucky to have a few friends i was able to tell and they have supported me throughout everything. you need someone you can voice your questions to or just let of steam with and if you havent please feel free to message me instead if you need to talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel !
did he admit to it ?
have you got any professional help for yourself and your daughters ?
please post this in the Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group theres more people on there support was invaluable for me.
x
Raging
Raging
He's still walking around free as a bird. He doesn't know i know yet. The investigators haven't even interviewed my daughters yet. They told me on Thursday they were hoping to interview them friday. Friday came and they called and set up the interview for Tuesday. That's almost a week since i reported it. I tried explaining he moved down the street from my house and across the street from my youngest daughter's school. They said it could be months before they ever pick him up! I have a protection order but he doesn't care. We did have our first therapy session as a group yesterday. It helped a little bit. We decided to try and take our lives back. We went to the drive in but when we got home there was a letter from him. I have talked to some family and friends but honestly it sucks hearing i am so sorry you and the girls are going thru this. Then hearing you all are way to good of ladies to deal with this. People think it happens to low income families and kids with drug addict parents (at least thats what i use to think) but no it happens to anyone. It doesn't matter about your income or the fact that you're the person that will buy the homeless food. Its just taught me that you really never know people at all. Thank you for your response and i will defiantly check out that other site as well.
angrymom79
angrymom79
Yes, it happens to anyone. I'll tell you what the wonderful ladies here told me 2.5 weeks ago when I felt like I was falling down a well every moment every day: this is the worst part, and it will get better. I'm so sorry you and your daughters are experiencing this... I wouldn't wish it on my enemies. Television taught us that as soon as the victim disclosed, police were at their door, and this could not be further from the truth. As I read more posts, I realized that this is a painfully slow process and once you realize that too, your mind will begin to adjust to this new reality. There are a lot of hoops to jump through, and the legal system is slow, so take a breath, and hold on tight. It's been less than three weeks for me and I think about it every minute, of every day... but I'm not spontaneously collapsing in tears, having anxiety attacks, and I'm starting to sleep again. I found that getting out (when you can) helps a lot--even a walk--and talking with other moms helps too. It's comforting to know that you're not alone in your feelings. I promise you, it will get better. Make a list of the things you need to do, and stay on top of the police. You can do this.
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/parents-whose-children-have-been-sexually-abused
rachel262612
rachel262612
How do you go threw will filing charges on your husband and why am I so reluctant to do it. I believe my daughter more than anything but I feel so bad for him going to prison is this normal. What is wrong with me. I don't know what to do. I am a good mother, I kicked him out the first day we was married for 16 years he was super dad and so loving how could I have not seen this. I am so lost and just terrified. I know my daughter wants Justice and I have another daughter who is his biological daughter, how do I tell her that I am sending her dad to prison
mariazhowse
mariazhowse
I completely understand Rachel! My daughter just told me 2 days ago that my husband of 10 years (her step father) has been sexually abusing her and taking videos/photos, grooming for the past 9 years. The investigation has begun and she is already in treatment for an eating disorder so her healing has begun. I told him to leave and felt bad about! Like how do I feel bad for a man who abused my daughter?! Who am I feeling sympathy for him? I feel so disgusted with myself for not being stronger and able to just say screw him. I am also completely lost and emotionally a wreck. My daughter feels relief and safe in her own home finally which makes my pain worth it.
CasMac1
CasMac1
Ladies I have been there many, many years ago. It happens with the person you trust. It's not your fault , you couldn't have stopped it. The men must be removed immediately so your children feel safe. It is odd you feel bad because you didn't do anything, but you know you have to do the right think. Report to Police. Go to the hospital or to your doctors and get it documented. This will be very hard. I had a 3 year son sexually abused. When I saw his back and rectum, it made me vomit repeatedly. These men have a mental problem,, that a child sexually turns them on. Do not believe anything they say. Therapy does not work, it brings the violator back in your safe zone. The only way a child can be safe with a man who did this is if he get castrated. Even then it's is possible he will hand molest. It's very hard but keep them away. I made big mistakes and have paid dearly. Do not let him near you or your kids, make sure he only get's to see them with a court appointed guardian, and that's after he has taken sexual abuse courses. Don't hide it, it's not your sin , it's his. I am so sorry for you my heart just feels so much hurt for you all. I truly hope that investigators get on the ball. But go report to police that is a must. Whatever you do don't take them back. I did after therapy and lies. It won't work. There are lots to support you here. Again I am so sorry you are going through this. Your children have to be taken care of now. They need protected from a monster. Your kids can get therapy through school usually make sure they know, in case your kids act out . That is common. Sorry if I sound harsh. casey