How do you move through the emotions and still live life? I seem to be a walking shell.

For me, it was a grieving process that took quite a while. And that's ok - having an incarcerated child is a loss that only those of us who have experienced it can understand...we're innocent victims...and it's not a situation that you can necessarily talk about with just anyone. I did not handle it in a healthy manner at first. I still cry about it at times. I have run the gambit of emotions from shock, to guilt, to anger, to extreme sorrow, to embarrassment, to bewilderment, and everything in between and back again. And that's ok too. I felt bad about enjoying life...how can I when my son is in prison and can't enjoy a whole lot? I even lied to him when I went on vacation because I didn't want him to feel bad that he was missing out. He was SO mad that I lied...he didn't even care about the fact that I had gone. His words to me were "it's not like I could have gone with you anyhow, I'm glad you went." That was the point when I realized it was ok to keep living while I waited for him. It was the permission I needed, I guess. He wants me to be happy, he has said as much. If I don't take care of myself, I am not a good support for him. All I am able to do is keep loving him, visit when I can, make time for phone calls and skype visits, send him letters and goodies from time to time. I've made it my mission to make sure he knows he's still loved in there, and that this period in his life will not define who he is in the future. I'm sorry you're struggling, I totally relate. I have found that talking to a counselor (I know, I know) helps...someone who doesn't know you or your child and is willing to listen to the whole damn ordeal without judgement..it feels good to get it out like that. Sorry for the novel...I could go on for a long time. If you ever want to talk about it, let me know. I'm here, and a good listener. :)

Well my son is serving a life sentence. And it is not easy. Your own family does not want to talk to you about it. He has been down 17 years in Florida I live in New Jersey which makes our visits hard. I miss him so.. I feel guilty to if i find my self having a good time I always say how can I when my son is locked up. His brother has anger for him getting himself in trouble yet again. But i know he misses him to. Im just sad most of the time. We write each other alot. He is in the hole now for a year, 23 hours a day in a small cell. Its not humane. Its cruel. I feel for my son

I know what you mean about inhumane treatment and family not talking about it.My son is going through in Florida too and only 1 person talks to me sometimes.I can tell they feel he deserves it probably.People judge prisoners while the biggest ones walk free!

I would definitely love to connect since you have so much experience with your son!

My niece is in prison in Texas, and we've only recently learned the extent of the trouble she was in. I used to watch the Bexar county records for "proof of life." At least if she had been arrested, I knew she was alive. She had MANY arrests for possession, possession with intent to distribute, theft, unlawful carry of a weapon. We found out recently that she was running with Mexican drug cartels, while working as a dancer in San Antonio.

My brother, her father, is dead. As a survivor of abuse as a child, he became a drug user around 12 years old, turned onto drugs by my uncle. My parents bailed him out over and over again over the years...drug and alcohol offenses galore. For years, he wreaked havoc on our family, lying and manipulating my parents to bail him out. He died at 47. Her mother died of an overdose about ten years ago. She was a stripper. (I'm not making this up).

My niece spent six years in the Texas Child Protective Services system, graduated high school, and seemed to have a bright future. She claimed to want a different life. Until she started using and dealing.

We started communicating with my niece about a year ago, and things were going well. She learned manipulation from her father, and I've kept my guard up. But we were all supportive. She was supposed to parole out in December, but she didn't communicate with her sponsor, whose situation changed. Now she's demanding that we figure it out for her. We told the parole office her sponsor wouldn't be able to take her, and she got angry and told us that she "just needed to get out and she could couch surf." She wanted us to LIE to the parole office. It tells me she's learned nothing.

I am trying to be supportive. But we've been through this before with her Dad, my brother. I just want to wash my hands of the situation. She has no family. She lost her own child. I feel guilty because she has nobody, but I don't have the energy to take on her problems. I've been manipulated in the past. I feel we need to "outsource" her recovery to professionals, and have recommended a halfway house. Am I a terrible person for wanting to walk away?

I am also new to the group. I am having troubles coping with my son in prison in Florida. I need some coping mechanisms.

It seems to never get any easier, My child has been in prison for almost 20 years and it is still hard to cope. Mental illness that exist in prison is horrible and they think that sticking them in room by themselves for the majority of the day is helping but it is making it worse.