I am so sad for you Paulette ,this is such a sad road to be on , my son has been in for 4 years and has 11 years more , he has never been in trouble before , but addiction to the computer is so demanding ,oh I feel the same way about Mike ,I see him as a baby, a toddler a teenager and a husband and father , I see his whole life before me , I gave him life ,I am his mom, and he is on my mind everyday. I too am nervous about what I say on the phone , I feel like a prisoner too! I see most moms on this site feel the same way , I will check in once a day , I don't know if I can help ,but I can listen , I know the heartbreak ....hugs Susieduty

Paulette, My son was arrested April 26 and I sit with you heartbroken. I found this group two nights ago and my husband is not ready to reach out. He is raw and can not even talk about it. Currently we are trying to keep this quiet among close family and friends because the burden to share and shame is too great./ Our son will also be serving years in prison. Each morning I awake in great pain. This nightmare is real and unfathomable. - As we navigate I pray I can be a source of comfort to you. Please know I am thinking of you.

Omg. . . . I sit here looking for others that can relate to the dispare I'm feeling. I feel like I'm been punched in the gut and I can't breathe...

Thank you all for responding. I spoke to my son over the phone Saturday. It broke my heart to tell him I can't afford his phone calls, but we can write. There are times when I get angry that he has put our family in this position, then I feel guilty for having those feelings. What I hate the most is the helplessness. I can't help him fix this mess! I want to hug him and put him on restriction to his room....oh, what a mess. All I can do is pray....

I'm right there with you all. My son was arrested on April 28th and I'm still just numb. He could be looking at years in prison as well. This is such a hard road for us moms to be on. I just cry and cry. I don't eat much anymore. I just feel lost. :'(

Hugs to all of you

Paulette,
My heart reaches out to you. I to have a son (my only child) in federal prison. He is on his 3rd year of 8. He left a wife and 3 children behind. I have had all the feelings you are experiencing. The anger, the hopelessness, the helplessness. I think all of us Mother's have these feelings. I can't wrap my head around why my precious son would do what he did, but this I know, my son was a precious gift from the heavenly father, I will love and support him until my breathe leaves my body. I love him regardless of his charges. He is important to me but most importantly he is important to God. My faith is all that has gotten me thru this. I know God has a reason for everything, no, I don't know the reason. I do believe that he will bring my son home a better man. I will be lifting you up in prayer. Hugs, Cindy

I feel like you all do
It's new to me, my son went to prison just two days ago and already it seems like an eternity. The tears flo.....I don't feel like eating......if I'm busy it's ok, but the minute the work day is over I'm just consumed in my sorrow. I hope it gets better

I think most of us feel the same way , sad as if our heart is broken ,And it is , it has been 4 years since my son has been incarcerated ,and I thought I wouldn't make it , .my family was very afraid for me , my son actually asked me to kill him , he was so ashamed of what he had done , like most of us , it's so unreal , it's almost a blur now ,when it first came out , but people were telling me he was depressed ,in his marriage ,his life , I beleive he couldn't overcome the addiction of cp. I don't blame anyone anymore ,at first I thought me and my husband did something wrong ,we looked and talked and cried our selves to sleep, I didn't want to go out ,I only talked or cried to my siblings , I saw 4 counslers , not to discourage anyone , but no one helped me , they couldn't feel my pain , but this site can .you all can feel my pain , hear my cries , I'm so happy I found you all , this site doesn't say ,it's ok what our kids did , but says we all feel the same hearbreak ,and I'm so grateful ,and hopefully we can support one another , a anolegy I say , is that my son threw a rock in a quiet peaceful pond ,and then the ripples just kept going , to touch so many lives , his , his wife ,his beautiful little girl..me .his dad ,his brother and family ,then our family's ,friends and so on, I can't wait til the pond is quiet and peaceful again ,I will pray for all of the moms and dads out here ,and hope peace will come into your hearts ! I found that this journey is one we all need to walk alone in our own minds , yes we need to talk to counslers ,people , any one that helps , I delved into staying so busy at first that I don't know if you if you can BECOME OCD.but I am now , I did art, I did glass art ,I painted ,I painted furniture. I made cute signs, I cleaned ,I cooked ,I have put every single thing / card/ letter / picture anything that my son has ever touched away for his daughter ,also was in horrible physical pain even before he went to prison , but physically I am better now ! my heart is still so hurt , I still write to him , he works ( so happy for that ) so he calls us once a month , we see him when we can , he is far ,and we are getting up there in age , but I look forward to running to my son .and hugging him tight ,I always want him to know how much we love him . I also believe ,he has more then enough punnishment ,from 15 years in prison , for sinning with his eyes ,and I'm hoping he prays to God ,I'm sure God will forgive our children , so can we ! Susie

Dear Susie....
I don't know where to begin....we thought about getting my son a private attorney. The attorney we selected called his public defender...(very nice man..I spoke to him and he was very kind to me which I greatly appreciated), any way the attorney called us and said my son has no defendable charges. He hasn't been charged yet, that apparently will happen by 6/12. He has been arrested on 1 count of sexual battery, 2 counts of lewd and lacivious conduct (child) and 27 counts of child pornography. OMG!!!! Like you I wondered what I did wrong as a mother? What did I miss. He was always a problem child...didn't care about consequences. He is begging us to help him, but there is nothing we can do. He is looking at over 200 years in prison. He is 34 years old. If I only knew the last time I hugged him that it would be the last time I would have hugged him a little longer, a little tighter. I am numb, numb, numb....

Susieduty-thank you! ❤️
I feel and am going through everything you've described.
I work so stay as busy as I can. . . .but cry all the way home driving and get home and feel frozen......unable to think, move, do something.
My stomach is in knots, my heart is broken, I feel so much pain for my son. He's a great guy and everyone that has ever met him loves him, he's warm, kind, friendly, loving, compasisonate and so intelligent, he can melt you with his smile....but....he's a drug addict and he sold drugs and got caught, now he's paying the price. I hope when he's released we can all put this behind us, he has admitted his guilt, he's been sober over a year.
Please pray for him, and for my family

Hello everyone out there. I am new to this and am heartbroken too. Our two sons look like they will be going to prison too. I am with you all and knowing you are there for me helps more than I can say. I live in France, we are English. I think of nothing but what has happened, day in day out. I wake up with it, eat with it, function with it, try to hide it, go to sleep with it. it's a living hell. They are our children, our two beauitiful boys who took a wrong poath made catastrophic decisions and now have to bear the consequences of their actions. Can someone out there say a few words of comfort?

What our boys did. . . The choices they made .. .that put them in this position do not define them as people.
They will pay the consequences, and start over. Everything will be alright. I feel this in the depths of my despair

Hello Paulette, Susie, all of you
I am sending you strength from a long way off but I am sending it nonetheless. I am in the same situation wondering how our two sweet little boys ended up doing what they did. Loving warm compassionate young men who took a wrong turning and changed the course of all our lives forever. it is like living with a huge ice cube inside your stomach, a feeling of despair and incomprehension. Does it ever go away? I havent told the family, not even the rest of our own children all know. Some do some don't. How do you tell a 14 year old boy who adores his brothers that they have done bad and will be going away to prison? Where is the support on how to handle all of this. I think most of you on the forum are in the USA; here in France it is much the same as with you; no compassion, no help, no anything.
Sending love to you all, hugs and kisses and let's all take a deep breath and start a new day. It is 9.21 in the morning here.

My son had such a bright and promising future ahead of him. Sigh....

My heart just breaks for all of us. This is our new normal and it stinks. I'm praying for all of us and our children!

Well, as of 6/1 my son has been formally charged. He now knows he is looking at life in prison. Dear, God...I don't know what to do. It's so frustrating to know I can't help him. He swears he didn't do any of the things he's been charged with. I want so much to believe him, but then I think about his two step-daughters....what about them? Bless their hearts if this is true, bless his if it's not. Only God knows the whole truth. Most of my family has been very supportive. My daughter has turned her back on her brother, just like his father. If he did the things he's charged with, he definitely has an illness. I don't have to like what he did or even condone what he did, but he is still my child. He is embarrassed about being in jail. Because of his charged he is segregated from the general population with other inmates of Like charges. It seems that with these type of charges you are deemed guilty and must prove your innocence. How I pray he is innocent! My son, my precious baby. So, so, sad.