Parents of Prisoners Community Group

A group that tries to share with each other how they deal with being a good supporting parent of a prisoner and the unique problems that arise. What to share or not, how to deal with spouse of prisoner, ex-spouse of, children of prisoner which we may not see either anymore,so forth

304 Members

1,118 Posts

0 Online

deleted_user 01/17/2011

My son doesn't show any emotions whatsoever, only anger every now and again. He doesn't show any remorse or guilt over what he done to my grand daughter. He never shows any pleasure, excitement or even lonliness. He's my son and 33 yrs old but I'm still unable to read him. I am very worried that he may be a socialpath. What's the difference between a Socialpath & a Physciopath? I am broken hearted thinking my son may be one of either. Can these people be helped and what causes these diseases or are they really diseases. I blame myself but I try to go back in my memory of him when he was a child and I know I treated him well and loved him dearly. My other 2 children are ok. He's the youngest so I think I spoiled him even more than the other 2 because he was the last one to leave home. Please if anyone can help me see what I did wrong let me know how I can fix this problem. I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Cuba for a week's vacation so I hope I don't ruin my holidays thinking about this. God Bless you all, In his love, G

slc123 01/17/2011

Oh honey, I don't know the differences or even what the "symptoms" are of these problems. But please don't blame yourself...you did what everyone else did and that is try to raise your children right. Please try to not worry over this or try to figure it out until you get back. You did not do the crime so try to enjoy yourself for the week. When you get back, perhaps someone on here will have addressed your questions (than knows the answer). You are a sweet kind loving woman. Don't beat yourself up. Safe trip and come back refreshed and maybe you will be able to look at things a little more clearly. Hugs, sharon

deleted_user 01/17/2011

Ginny when we became parents we didnt get any rule books, we all just did our best. Along the way we made mistakes just like our own parents did.The only person that could answer your question is somebody that is train in that field to tell whats wrong with him.Its no gain beating yourself up about something you have no control over. My boy shot a policeman then killed himself. Is that my fault . NO. My other boy has been in and out of jail for 20 years and thats not my fault neither. It doesnt stop me loving them any less. The way I look at it is if I make mistakes do I go around blaming others. The only thing I can think of does your son suffer from aphergus but im not quilfied to know. be kind to yourself. We all did our best . Love Wendy

deleted_user 01/18/2011

To put it simply YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. He is an adult and knows right from wrong. Stop beating yourself up and go out and enjoy your holiday.

deleted_user 01/26/2011

Thanks to all that replied and made comments on my post. I did go to Cuba, has a wonderful and relaxing vacation in the sun. The only thing is it wasn't long enough, now we have to get back to reality, lol Fridged cold weather here in Canada but at least we're home, safe & sound. I know what you people are saying is true but I still can't seem to release myself from my own prison. I beleive I'm suffering more than he is, I have myself put in Prison, The most problem I have personally is wondering how anyone can cope being locked in such a confined space and see only them 4 same walls everyday, I think that would drive me crazy, I just can't imagine it myself being locked up with no freedom. I sure wish I could deal with that thought. Any suggestions please. Blessings, G

deleted_user 01/29/2011

they make that choice to go there so they make the chioce to cope as well..Let go and let god and you find life a lot easier.

deleted_user 01/29/2011

Thanks MrsGreen for your advice. I understand now what you said that you can force the horse to water but you can't force him to drink, that got to be his choice. I'm trying to let go and let God do his work in my son. If my son makes another mistake & ends up back in Prison well again it's his choice and he only got himself to blame. I've done what I can do for my son. It's heartbreaking but we can't hold their hand 24-7. Take care and God Bless, G

deleted_user 02/03/2011

My son is exactly the same way and I am wondering the same thing as you. He was recently denied parole and told he could not apply again for another year. I know he could not answer the question...why did you do it? He has no idea, has no social conscience, and maybe has a disorder. I recently read online about the kid who shot the people in AZ: "his age is a risk factor for such behavior, the years between 18 and 27 are among the diciest psychologically, especially for men. That age range is the riskiest time for the development of psychotic disorders. If he does suffer from a disorder, it would be entirely unsurprising that these symptoms would be worsening at this point in his life."
I told my son to seek help from a prison counselor, and I hope he does.
Denise

deleted_user 02/03/2011

I googled it:
Characteristics of people with antisocial personality disorder may include:[3]

Apparent lack of remorse[4] or empathy for others
Persistent lying or stealing
Cruelty to animals[5]
Poor behavioral controls — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper
A history of childhood conduct disorder
Recurring difficulties with the law
Promiscuity
Tendency to violate the boundaries and rights of others
Aggressive, often violent behavior; prone to getting involved in fights
Inability to tolerate boredom
Poor or abusive relationships
Irresponsible work behavior
Disregard for safety
fyi...denise

deleted_user 02/21/2011

we were told the same by the military about our son.....I read up everything I could find..........
long and the short....it does not matter......as for answers why why why? You will never know what tips him to do the wrong rather than the right....either way....his choice....You have to work out your happiness regardless....that will take work, time and letting go of your son and quit trying to find the answers...you will just drive yourself around the bend!

deleted_user 02/21/2011

Denise I read your list of symptoms, my son doesn't show of any of these symptoms. He's never agressive or every gotten himself in trouble before. He's just had a lot of fanacies about doing a lot of inappropriate sexual behaviours but as never ever carried them out before actually having sex with my Grand Daughter, which to him was OK because she was 15 and to him wasn't a child. He has a lot of mental issues I'm sure. Hopefully he will get the help he needs soon. He will be transferred soon to a Physciatric Prison/Hospital setting. Thanks everyone for your comments, they were all greatly appreciated. Blessing on you all, G

deleted_user 04/07/2014

wow...denial much.

jaxielin 06/15/2015

Hi Ginnie, I went through the same things. And then I found a really great website that said that a lot of kids this age are actually high functioning autistic kids with Aspbergers. Its a very common thing. They lack empathy because they don't know what it is..but they are smart and a bit antisocial. They love video games and watching movies and they try something because they want to know what its like. They don't think of the impact they have on the person they are harming and although logically they know right from wrong, they don't think what they are doing is actually wrong. I don't know if your son is feeling any of t his, but if he is close, have him tested. They teach them coping skills for aspergers if they can find it.

tmob71 01/27/2017

Hi.
One thing that I have learned is that if you did the best that you could do, then you must move on. We raised our child to follow God and be a productive citizen...they choose their own path. Just try to love them through it and encourage him to get counseling...God Bless.

Join the Conversation