Parents of Highly SensitiveEmpathic Children Community Group
Does this sound like your child? startles easily. complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin. doesn't usually enjoy big surprises. learns better from a gentle correction than strong punishment. seems to read my mind. uses big words for his/her age. notices the slightest unusual odor. has a clever sense of humor. seems very...
Even as I realize this is a problem with me overall....I need help in better ways to cope with it.
I am...not sure how to describe this really....abstract. I've had difficulties with others in the past (exes) and also have difficulty with my son who is a bit black & white, and requires a lot of DETAIL.
I don't really see this as bad. I've watched my son in sports classes ask the coach what they meant, and then ask again, and then when he still didn't understand ask them to physically demonstrate what they meant. I've always respected his honesty, his ability to ask for clarity and to truly understand.
That being said....it DRIVES ME CRAZY. I thought a lot about it tonight and realize the reason it makes me nuts is because I KNOW he is smart (as well as others who I've dealt with) and they just HAVE to know what I am talking about!
I was trying to explain to my kids tonight that I have been sick (cold/allergies whatever), that with my mamma instincts it is very hard for me to just go to sleep without everyone in the houseold being "tucked in", and that it's difficult to sleep while sick, then I'm the one getting up early in the morning to make sure they are awake in time and getting up etc....etc...etc...
Next thing I know...my son and I seem to be in this great debate over some small detail of the matter because he just had to clarify. And there I go clarifying for a while...but then I get irritated because he's smart....he must know what I'm talking about!
Then I feel my buttons are just being pushed when he really must have a clue what I'm takling about. Then I think, maybe he really isn't clear....and well, it just gets ridiculous and I end up in an "I am mother, hear me roar" type situation where I just assert it's bedtime, sleep, don't question it and whew!
I find this happening fairly frequently. I realize it and that it's not just with my son, but really has been with others in my life. At times, I think....maybe I'm not that clear. But my daughter and I were discussing this tonight and she feels the same....that they are smart people and they do know what is being said, just enjoy pushing the buttons or have such a need for details/clarity they can't help it....but either way, it is very hard for our ways of being to deal with.
I would appreciate any insights....
Hugs...
I am...not sure how to describe this really....abstract. I've had difficulties with others in the past (exes) and also have difficulty with my son who is a bit black & white, and requires a lot of DETAIL.
I don't really see this as bad. I've watched my son in sports classes ask the coach what they meant, and then ask again, and then when he still didn't understand ask them to physically demonstrate what they meant. I've always respected his honesty, his ability to ask for clarity and to truly understand.
That being said....it DRIVES ME CRAZY. I thought a lot about it tonight and realize the reason it makes me nuts is because I KNOW he is smart (as well as others who I've dealt with) and they just HAVE to know what I am talking about!
I was trying to explain to my kids tonight that I have been sick (cold/allergies whatever), that with my mamma instincts it is very hard for me to just go to sleep without everyone in the houseold being "tucked in", and that it's difficult to sleep while sick, then I'm the one getting up early in the morning to make sure they are awake in time and getting up etc....etc...etc...
Next thing I know...my son and I seem to be in this great debate over some small detail of the matter because he just had to clarify. And there I go clarifying for a while...but then I get irritated because he's smart....he must know what I'm talking about!
Then I feel my buttons are just being pushed when he really must have a clue what I'm takling about. Then I think, maybe he really isn't clear....and well, it just gets ridiculous and I end up in an "I am mother, hear me roar" type situation where I just assert it's bedtime, sleep, don't question it and whew!
I find this happening fairly frequently. I realize it and that it's not just with my son, but really has been with others in my life. At times, I think....maybe I'm not that clear. But my daughter and I were discussing this tonight and she feels the same....that they are smart people and they do know what is being said, just enjoy pushing the buttons or have such a need for details/clarity they can't help it....but either way, it is very hard for our ways of being to deal with.
I would appreciate any insights....
Hugs...
As a toddler/younger child, he had HSP normal sensitivities, (allergies, ill as a child, nightmares, slept with mom, stubborn with conviction at times.
As an adolescent, and into dating years, he had his heart broken a couple if times..very badly..because he feels very deeply. At that point, he began having very bad stomach issues..all of which were tested and tested, only to find nothing but IBS, which is common in sensitive kids. .
As a young adult, he practices present-based thinking, and listens to Eckart Tolle, meditates, and is off of his medication for depression, although he still needs an occasional anxiety pill. He is very different than the rest of the 4 sensitives in our family...he is a true Indigo.
I would suggest that you pick up the book, called The Indigo Child. You may find some help and resources for handling your wise child.
I love my son so much, and I cherish his independence, wisdom and stubborn nature, although, as a highly sensitive person, I have to struggle to keep my feelings in check...I get hurt easily..and he can really pull my strings.... :)
I hope this help (HUG)
Brenda
Since you see your son doing this to others, not just you, it is possible that it is not a challenge to your authority. It makes you so angry because you suspect and interpret that he is not only challenging your authority, but trying intentionally to irritate you. For both your sakes, can you give him the benefit of the doubt, and decide to reframe it so that he is just asking in response to needs of his own? I mean, accepting that there is some possibility that it is as you sense, but deciding that since you are not certain, and that thought is making you crazy, to interpret it a different way. Studies show that people interpret the same data in different ways depending on what their opinion is. Maybe 'try on' the other opinion? Maybe your intelligent son is able to see various possiblities in what is being said, unless you are very precise. Maybe his intelligence works in that way to actually cause him to see the possibility for misunderstanding and try to eliminate it in a kind of perfectionist way
The other thing is, how about telling him what you feel? That when he keeps answering back after you have asked something, you feel that he is not respecting your wishes and it makes you angry. At least after that he can stop it, (if he remembers) if indeed his goal is not to irritate you.
Good luck!