I choose.
I choose to feel.
I choose you.
I always chose you.
I still choose you.

I wasn’t really given a choice — not really.
But if I’m forced to accept the choice presented...
If I’m forced to see the option that was offered to me,
I still cannot accept it.

It wasn’t a choice for me —
it was a choice for their comfort,
for their sense of security
in a life where they had no real security.
Had I made the choice they wanted me to make,
they wouldn’t have been any happier, safer,
more comfortable, or secure.
It would’ve been more of the same — or worse.

I was at a boiling point in my own life.
We each live our own lives,
even while living with and loving others.
I’ve had issues all my life.
I spoke of them to the other parent on multiple occasions.
They’ll most likely deny that I did.
I expect that.

I chose you —
over the other parent,
over my partner.
My partner knows that.
But being with my partner does not mean
that I abandoned you.
I wasn’t given the opportunity to be in your life.
That’s the difference.

The other parent says I made a choice
to be out of your life — that I chose my partner over you.
I think — or rather, I suspect —
you may reflect that opinion,
but you’re not as convinced as they are.

The truth is:
I chose you.
I still choose you.

I have tried to reconnect with you,
over and over and over.
Other people do not speak for me —
even when they say they do.
I choose you.

But you made a choice —
that you would never speak to me again.
That is not my choice.
I wasn’t given a chance to stay in your life.
I was only offered an ultimatum —
one-sided, biased.
I get it.
I’m not making you wrong.
I’m not making you bad.

As a parent,
I taught you nothing about life —
even though I thought I was wise,
teaching you how to survive.
But I wasn’t.
I was only showing you
how I survived —
from childhood to adulthood.
I was a grown man-child.

You gave me an ultimatum.
I didn’t accept it.
And so you chose never to speak to me again.
You’ve been bitter.
Maybe scared.
I don’t know.

But I tried — repeatedly.
I lied sometimes,
trying to protect myself from accountability.
I still tried.
Over and over.

I won’t bring other partners or others into this.
But everyone had a part to play
in the distance between us.
They are responsible for their actions —
not me.
Not you.
Them.
Each of them.

Ten years since this began.
Seven years since I last saw you.

What is my choice today?
Is it still that I “chose my partner over you”?
Is that what I’m still being forced to accept?
If so, let me be clear:
That is your choice — not mine.
Because I choose you today,
just like yesterday,
and the day before,
and the day before that.
I choose you.

But the real question is:
Will I be allowed that choice?
Will I be given that opportunity?
Your choices affect what my choices can be.
They limit my choices.
Do you see that?
You don’t have to see it.
I’m not trying to change your mind
or manipulate your feelings.
I’m simply offering another perspective.

Life doesn’t have to be “either/or.”
Life can be both.

I choose you.
I will always choose you.
I respect your decisions.
I honor your wishes.
That’s why I’ve stopped trying to reach you.
Your choices are being honored by me.

But make no mistake:
Your choices are not my choices.
I choose you. Again and again