Depends on how well I know them or they know him-
"'Oh you know he's doing good, doing his own thing. You know. How's your crew?'

If they KNOW him I'll tell them ' we don't really speak anymore. A lot of issues there. I love him. I miss him, but no not right now' and I nod like to end it.

Shore, I do what you do, basically no longer feel I have to tell people the entire dirty truth. Most of my current friends do not know my adult kids in any manner. Sometimes I say the words "long time estrangement" because it seems to bring confessions from others that their kids, or siblings, are estranged from the family.

Oh I agree! Since this occured and now I'm more open even saying 'we don't speak' so so many people have said 'I have a brother like that' or 'I have a sister like that'

Definitely a pandemic of estrangement…I say everyone is great…happy..healthy…growing…they usually don’t expand. I do find that I don’t feel like explaining the situation and that I am embarrassed by it. It makes me sad. And when people do find out they have their own stories….hugs and prayers plus peace…Lynette - Matthews mom….

Sometimes I share and I have found others who are in similar situations. Mostly, EC has become "he who shall not be named". What is the point of it.

I agree. My response depends on how well I know the person who is asking. If it is just an acquaintance, I say oh the kids are doing well. If it’s someone I am closer to… I say, I have been cut off again. It’s been 6 months.

this is something I am not comfortable with at all yet ... i have found that i have avoided getting together with people because I know they are going to ask and I am embarrassed to say that we don't talk and I know nothing about my two daughers' lives. it's so sad because i know this will be really surprising to people and i will feel the need to explain more or they will feel the need to comfort me and i don't want sympathy - any recommendations would be really helpful and thank you so much

Krissi, I would suggest you figure out some sentence you are comfortable with and also that you realize the guilt and shame we tend to carry. I have told people that I have estranged adult children and they tell me that their brother or sister or own adult child is estranged also! This is an epidemic and you'll be surprised who you meet that opens up to say this is happening to them. But I usually say "oh they are good" and not much more. I have a nosy sister in law that keeps asking questions so she can gossip, but I just make my answers short and truthful but not truthful. This sister in law helped the one EC to estrange so I hate even talking to her and keep it short. If you are matter of fact, people will also be matter of fact. If you start crying, they will be sympathetic. Don't be embarrassed because you are among millions of estranged parents in this world. You can say "they are living in X" or "they are working at X" things you might know. Then you can switch it over quickly by saying "so how are your kids?". I don't ask people how their adult kids are or their grandkids are any longer as I hate this narrow talk. But I will respond to that question with "oh they are good and how are your kids doing?" and move it along so they have to answer. Get people talking about themselves and they forget to ask you nosy questions.

I had this church friend who was always bragging on her adult son. Because I kept asking her questions so she would not focus on my estrangements, I learned she sees her son about once a year and he lives fairly locally. He doesn't help her when she has physical issues, her daughter helps her. He travels and dates a lot of women and is too busy to see her. But she has all this big talk about him and what a great guy he is and it seems like they are so close and loving. So take all of this mom and dad talk with a grain of salt.

Thank you for this awesome discussion topic! I'm not estranged from my children, but I always hate it when people ask how my children are doing, because I always feel like my answers fall short of what they "should be", and I've always thought I was most unusual in this regard. So you posting the question makes me feel surprisingly comforted that I am not alone.

Like others mentioned in this thread, I usually avoid most questions on this topic by making sure I ask the questions and keep focus off of me. Or, I answer very briefly and try to keep it as positive as possible: "son still in the area", "daughter got another cat" or whatever. That works sometimes, but I've found that people eventually pick up that I'm very guarded and protective of myself and then stop asking questions of me altogether. I've noticed that it seems to help if I can share something about myself---even if just a little nugget of something like "I'm learning yoga or watched an interesting movie".
I dunno. As I've said in some of the things I've posted, I've always sort of felt like a misfit socially. My go to is always, ask questions. Be interested in others.