Welcome, Nancita. Yes, this type of in and out does hurt. We grieve for our grandchildren whom we love. We can't fix or change our estranged child but we can work on our healing. Many parents get very depressed and give up on life but we don't have to! We don't have to be someone's slave, either. Sometimes our enabling does more bad than good. There is no one right or wrong answer but I do encourage people to start thinking about this differently. Learn to reframe the "I must be a bad parent if my beloved child acts like this" into "I was a good parent, this is about my adult child's decisions in life not about my value and worth." I keep recommending the book Done with the Crying and the second one, Beyond Done with the Crying. I have also read Joshua Coleman's books but they lean more to parent apologizing and making amends and this doesn't fit every estrangement situation. So good parents sometimes get caught up in apologizing for things not of their causing or fault. Each author has a different viewpoint so take what's fits your situation and let go of what doesn't. Write often on here if you'd like and respond to others. Sometimes we are slow on this forum, there are many more such forums on Facebook. My goal is always helping the parent heal and I wish you the best on this journey we walk alongside one another.

My eldest daughter has been in and out of my life as well. I was close with her son who will be 5 this June until this last July. She is too busy and when i finally called her out on it she tested me that I am emotionally retarted not emotionally immature as since i am older i should have learned how to be more mature. This last outburst from her and closed me to her now and I want nothing to do with her anymore, she is in a relationship where her boyfriend calls her derogatory names. I have offered my home to her in the past and that's where it is now in the past. I spent 11 years beating myself up with my other adult children and no more. You can get through this its hard as hell but believe in yourself more. Take care

Thank you. It is helping me to know that there is hope of getting through this. I guess there is nothing that says our children have to stay around once they grow up, but it hurts anyway.

Family is emotional which is why its harder i think. When they were small they needed you and now they do not need you anymore plus family dynamics have changed so much. People work on weekends as well as all hours of the day or night. All we can do is take care of ourselves and try to find happiness where you can. All the best and remember you are not alone.