Glad you have moved this over to the estranged parent forum. The people on here go through estrangements with their kids, too. People are often very judgmental about parents whose kids blow them off. Like it is always the parents fault. The estranged parents on here are not judgmental.

Besides the books I suggested on the other forum, I think you might consider what the chase does to your heart, soul, body. Of course we all want relationships with our beloved adult sons and daughters. But if we have tried everything and are the only one trying, it gets to feel some kind of yucky way. I call this the chase, when we are pursuing them with all our heart and soul.

Some experts say keep chasing and pursuing and they will eventually come back. But this is often false hope. Your daughter has made it clear what you have to do (become born again and go to her church I guess). She has made her judgement of you very clear to you. And that is the part you have to make peace with and probably get on with your life and stop the unhappy chase.

I am pretty sure Jesus would say we are not to call others a sinner but to focus on our own sins.

My estranged daughters are also very judgmental of me, not religious, but they have finally told me they think I am unlikable and difficult. I came to a point where I realized this criticism and demeaning words and attitude from them is not good for my heart, soul, body. We are still good loving parents even if we are not perfect. Our adult children do not get to say the value of our souls. Your daughter did not become the second Jesus to pronounce judgement on you. We end up beating ourselves up because the EC beat us up.

Lastly, there is parental alienation where one parent creates a divide between the kids and the other parent. You might google this and see if you feel this is what happened. My ex still does the parental alienation stuff with 2 out of my 3 adult children. They are sick in the head and soul to do this. The kids get caught in the middle and can't win either way so they tend to pick one side and dump the other side. I am sorry, I know how this feels. You are not alone.

i have similar dynamics with my two sons. had? ? ? the son who loved me went and died in a car accident in 2019. the son who hates me attended his brother's funeral without so much as making eye contact with me. since the funeral i have been haunted by the wandering wonder of which of my sons died first.

rocking you gently and crying with you. i wish i had easy answers for both of us. i am shooting to take the love which is offered and let the hatred go.

Yeah I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t get it her and I where really close it was my youngest I was afraid I was going to have problems with. But she understands. It has to be hard having one son gone and the other having no relationship with you.

In my healing with my son, the hardest lesson I had to learn was to 'let go' of what I wanted, expectations of what "I thought"....he should/could do. When I stopped giving advice and poking my nose into his business our relationship just got better and better....it's Hard.

Im a single mom, 70 and my son just turned 27....your daughter is very young. I'm sorry she is causing you and your new wife such pain by her rejection...I do worry about her weight...when I was her age, I had anorexia, I felt I had No Control Over My Life....one thing I did have control over was my 'body'...sadly there isn't much you can do except love her and give her space.
Hugs to you!!

Sounds like she is being per say brainwashed by her boyfriends family. And their isnt anything that can be done until she sees it. As long as she knows the door is always open more than likely you'll have to wait. My thoughts go out to you and hoping she sees it soon for what it is liken to a cult. She is so young,and sounds mixed up so is grabbing for "stability". little does she know whats really happening.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I'm afraid it happens more often than we know. You are sadly, probably right about her boyfriend's family. I am sure it is the case with my situation as well. The wife's family is supportive of this abusive behavior.

I don't really know what else can be done except to not go down the rabbit hole of trying to please the other person and getting absolutely nowhere. You will find yourself miserable if you are doing all the work in the relationship and getting nothing in return.

Keep an open heart and mind but keep moving forward with life. We can't really control how others behave and how things turn out sometimes.

I looked all over trying to find people to talk to about this. I’m glad I found this group. It saddens me that we are all in this same boat. I always tried to do the best I could for my children. Like I’m sure you all have. I don’t like talking about with my new wife it makes me feel bad how my daughter is reacting to her and has never met her. And talking to friends and family hasn’t helped they all say the same thing she will grow out of it. But I doubt that. I really appreciate the support given to me here thank you

It is difficult for men especially to find support. Seems like all the Facebook groups and online support groups are mostly women. This is often a slow group but stick around. We need each other.

I know a lot of helpful books for estranged parents. One has to take what works and leave the rest. Some promote the amends letter but if one doesn't have anything to make amends for, it only serves to beat us up emotionally. And if one doesn't write a proper apology, the EC reading it just gets madder. It is often no win. A person who blames us using religious ideology is not going to forgive us unless we go into the cult they are in and embrace it. Reasonable, logical people tend to not want to go into a cult like this.

I also know of a good zoom online support group that meets once a month that is about teaching coping skills, communication skills, healing skills, etc. I know of another online zoom group of mostly women, Christian oriented, Joshua Coleman based, but that one sells the parents send the amends letter and the hope, always hope, always try, stuff. As always, take what works for you and ignore the rest.

Ignore people asking you or telling you to keep trying. She has her rigid boundaries based on the cult thinking. That is so sad. But I have known people with estrangements from the EC closing a restrictive, rigid religion who get out after a while and end the estrangement.

There is quite a lot of judgement and rigid rules involved in people deciding to estrange from a relative (parent, sibling, etc.). They simply decide the other person has no value or worth and it is okay to be so intolerant. Now the estranging is often manipulative or controlling or they have heard all the social media stuff about just getting rid of the toxic people in their lives and life will be better immediately. It doesn't work that way, sad to say. They buy a bunch of nonsense and many/most can't ever admit they were wrong.

If you are interested in the online support group and the other online groups that I know about, send me an email on this site. Tell me what state or country you are in. Just click on the envelope thing up above in the green area on a computer or I think it is under messages on the phone, the click down box.