Honestly, I think we have to actively work to change our self talk. If we keep saying we are the worst parent in the world, we are failures, and that everyone judges us, then we reinforce our own depression and loneliness. My way of dealing with this is to change what I am saying to myself. I make post it notes of positive sayings and I read them several times a day. We won't begin to heal until we change how we think. Sometimes - well - often if we are being honest - we catastrophize everything. It's the end of the world, we are terrible, people will say we suck, etc. I was listening to the radio late last night when I woke up and a psychiatrist was talking about how loneliness is an epidemic right now with the pandemic. I think we have to add this in to our everyday trying to cope with the estrangement stuff, the shunning, the cruelty. We can fight the change that our EC have brought in, and really beat ourselves up, and make it a catastrophe and then we just suffer more. Or the alternative is to really change how we think for the better. What if this "failure" in the relationship is really a gift for you, for me, and if we embrace the change and allow ourselves to call ourselves good and valuable, well maybe life will end up being full, and happy, and content. It's a journey of our life, one day at a time.

Its shame that tells you that the world is judging you (I recognize that the mother is always to blame according to the media and some experts so yes, we are blamed). So to tackle this shame, I would write myself a note that says I am valuable and I am worthy and I deserve respect and being treated well. I would read it say 4 times a day. The main note that took me about 2 years to fully understand was how their behavior is not about me as me. It is about them and what is broken or damaged inside of them to be so hateful and cruel. They tell us it is about how awful we are or how unworthy we are -- but that is not truth. So when I embraced that this was not truth, I finally had that "ah ha" moment and I started to stop feeling so down on myself or less than. These are some skills to try and see what shakes out for you. It takes practice and doing. The more we go back to the old stinking thinking the more we stay stuck. The ability to move forward truly is in our own hands. If we can't do it ourselves, counseling can help. I benefitted from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to learn to change my thinking.

If you watch most TV dramas like Little Fires Everywhere, you get the picture that mostly it’s mother’s going thx majority of parenting. In my case, I was a single parent for a long time.

It’s hard for my ED to be s hey with her father for ceiling her because he’s never been in the picture,

I don’t feel guilty as much as I am angry at being treated like dirt when, in fact, I am a wonderful parent. No one who knows me would question that.

I appreciate your suggestion to manage my self talk. I will need to focus on managing my anger as well.

Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts with me.

Maybe acknowledge your feelings by giving them their names and accepting them? It’s okay to be sad or angry. Someone told me once she says, hello sadness, and feels it and then moves on. Your anger is about something and if you can name the feelings underneath it, you’ll feel more peaceful. We have to acknowledge our feelings to reduce them. You are doing a great job, so allow yourself to see that!

Thank you for the encouragement. I’m starting to schedule vacations and get back to seeing friends. I can’t hold my breath waiting for ED to change..