I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how we ended up here. I too have a son who comes and goes from my life. He seems to only contact me when he's in trouble and needs something. My first (and only) grandchild was given up for adoption when he was born so I understand the heartbreak regarding your grandchild. Right now, I don't know where my son is living and he doesn't have a phone that I am aware of. He doesn't respond to any of my emails. I'm not sure any of us who are in this situation will ever know why this happens. I wish I had wise words to share to help ease your pain, but I don't. I am slowly learning to focus more on me and less on worrying about him and his issues. He is making the choice to distance himself from me again. I try to keep the lines of communication open but if he doesn't reciprocate, it's out of my hands. I cannot force something to happen that may not. I'm trying to just move on with my life and focus on my own happiness. I hope that you find some peace with this situation. Hugs to you.

Thank you for your reply. It soothes me deeply to receive reflections from someone who is navigating this awful experience. My heart goes out to you and your son. I relate to the "only when he needs something" pattern I know the next time I hear from my daughter will be some kind of distress call. May we both find the strength to let go while leaving a light on. I am finding nights to be just so hard. and anytime I'm not distracted at work. It's like a movie. So surreal to see picture found online of my daughter holding her new baby. I think "how can you not call me? Don't you need to share this with me with your sister with all of us?Come on honey. Your baby is my first grandchild. How could you?"' Yet she's inflicted so much pain on herself and those closest to her over the years. So out of my hands. There's a book titled When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Helps me with these heartbreaking comings and goings and uncertainty of it all so sharing. Mothers Day. Mm. Its so hard to enjoy my family with one missing as if dead yet alive and nearby. I sent my daughter a Mother's Day card. Baby one week old today.. I expect to hear nothing. I try to stay connected with her during these times. But it's hard. I want to get to place of acceptance. That this is her way of being in the world. She's almost 25. This pattern has been happening for last decade. I need to somehow separate myself from her dramatic comings and painful goings. Somehow reach a space between where I'm more comfortable than not hanging in the balance of it all. Thanks for sharing and listening.

My son did the same thing to me. I saw pictures of my Grandson with his dad's wife. My Grandson is walking now. He doesn't know I even exist. I honestly don't think there is a way to deal with this? People that aren't going through the same exact thing we are DO NOT understand and there's definitely no comfort there.

I don't look at social media because my counselor says its causes so much damage. I tried a few times after my daughter left... I soon caught on to the way it works " the pictures and words are intended to share with some and to hurt me". Either through others telling me or hoping I would see them. I really believe this ,as I watched it with my sister, her daughters... back and forth trying to make each other jealous and to show them " I have moved on" when it only make the conflict grow.. eek... I will never do facebook... I don't want to watch my grandkids grow up in another's arms... I would die.. bad day today! can you tell??

I also understand your pain. There is nothing more agonizing then the estrangement of a child. We've brought them into the World and to block you out of their World is heartbreaking.. My sound flat out told me he wants nothing to do with me and to stay out of his life! I literally had a nervous breakdown. I could not get out of bed for 3 months and prayed for my death. My "family" had a lot to do with why he hates me. I come from really bad, toxic people who caused me a lot of problems. In my life . They literally destroyed my life in many ways. I'm now at the point where Iam very angry at my son. And I think that this may be a healthy sign. Think about this. Would you ever cause your child this kind of pain? Of course not! Why, because you LOVE them!!! What these estranged children are doing is NOT love!! It's absolute cruelty!!! LEt them go no matter how much it hurts you!!!! Someone has got to love you!!! It sure as hell is NOT the estranged child! Obviously, they could care less!!! Walk away from it before it destroys you!!!!

I also understand your pain. There is nothing more agonizing then the estrangement of a child. We've brought them into the World and to block you out of their World is heartbreaking.. My son flat out told me he wants nothing to do with me and to stay out of his life! I literally had a nervous breakdown. I could not get out of bed for 3 months and prayed for my death. My "family" had a lot to do with why he hates me. I come from really bad, toxic people who caused me a lot of problems all my life . They literally destroyed my life in many ways. I'm now at the point where Iam very angry at my son. And I think that this may be a healthy sign. Think about this. Would you ever cause your child this kind of pain? Of course not! Why, because you LOVE them!!! What these estranged children are doing is NOT love!! It's absolute cruelty!!! LEt them go no matter how much it hurts you!!!! Someone has got to love you!!! It sure as hell is NOT the estranged child! Obviously, they could care less!!! Walk away from it before it destroys you!!!!

Hi,
I'm new to the group.
I haven't seen my 3 kids in 6 years.
I lost contact after I suffered a breakdown.My eldest daughter is now a mother and the only reason I have pictures of my grandson is because I copied them from my nieces messenger page.
I scour social media for posts.I still suffer deep sadness and mask my depression by being a workaholic.I am fortunate to have a caring spouse however the grief I feel everyday smothers me when I talk to happy grand mothers who spend their weekends with their grandchildren.
Recently I was told my daughter is getting married so the hurt and deep sadness is more acute than ever.
I have had limited contact with my son via messenger and text but nothing recently.I'd love to hear from other parents like me.