Parents of estranged adult children Community Group

One or more of our adult children walked out of our lives and never looked back.

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Una70 05/12/2017

I have a 26 year old daughter who hasn't spoken to me for nearly a year, she's getting married tomorrow and I'm heartbroken that I won't be there to see my only daughter married. I also have 2 sons who are refusing to attend the wedding because of the situation between my daughter and I.
It all began when my 25 year relationship with my sons father broke up, he was not the biological father of my daughter but he raised her. The relationship was abusive from early on, mostly physical but for the last number of years it was purely emotional and mental. My daughter was not living at home to witness the later years. He kicked me out on numerous occasions but I always went back because I felt like I was being a burden on other people, finally when he kicked me out I had the courage to stay away, my sons begged me to stay away as watching the abuse was really hard on them. My daughter however wanted me to return, when I refused she cut me off, she wouldn't hear anything I had to say. I miss her so much and want her back in my life but I can't seem to get through to her that I'm finally happy and in a healthy loving relationship, is there any hope for us?????

BelievingMom2011 05/13/2017

First off, you are to be commended for leaving an abusive relationship. I can only imagine the courage it must have taken. I applaud and admire you!!! And now you're in a healthy relationship and most of all, you're happy. Without a doubt you made the right choice. It sounds like your daughter is in denial and wants to blame you for the family falling apart. Hopefully in time your daughter will see the that your former relationship wasn't good, especially with the abuse. Unfortunately, she has to see that for herself - you can't make her see something she doesn't want to see.
I feel your pain about the wedding. My situation was a little different. My son did invite us to his wedding. At that point it was well over a year that we hadn't spoken. My husband, daughter and I were treated like out of town guests - by far one of the worst days of my life. I still wonder whether we made the right decision on going. We sat in the front row and I watched as he escorted his soon-to-be mother in law down the isle to her seat and he gave her a kiss on the cheek. I didn't know that my son had the ability to be so mean and heartless. We haven't spoken to him since that day and it's been 2 years.
Hopefully as time goes by, your daughter will reach out to you. Just don't give up your happiness. We all deserve to be happy - including mom!!!

Mumstheword 05/13/2017

I'm so sorry for your pain. It's heart wrenching to be denied participation in milestone events in our children's lives. My sympathy goes out to you today. It's all very confusing. My daughter had her first child last weekend. She did not call me nor invite me in. I'm presently blocked. She apparently married the father of the baby recently before the birth. How very strange to not really know.. I don't know why. Can only guess. It happens suddenly then she'll suddenly reappear. None of us on this site would have ever dreamed our mothering or fathering would result in these heartbreaking separations. I'm accessing all support offered to me and I hope you do the same. It helps me to stay close by others who know of my pain. Just being with other people who hold awareness makes it possible for me to go on. May you be surrounded with love and support today. Deep comfort to you.

Una70 05/13/2017

Thank you, I actually feel a little better knowing I'm not alone in this. The wedding is today so I'm hoping I'll get through this day without breaking down

Mumstheword 05/13/2017

Let yourself break down if you need to, let it come out. Then do something Self care based. . A bubble bath, a meal out, or a walk someplace beautiful and comforting. Give yourself a gift today. Hold your head up. You're still the mother of the bride. She misses you today. Self inflicted pain. Heart balm and Hugs to you.

Una70 05/13/2017

I have been crying all afternoon. My son, at my request has been sending me videos. I feel like I'm going crazy but I still want to see them even though my heart is being wrenched from my chest every time I see her. She looks so beautiful and so happy

unsolvedmystery 06/16/2017

I am choosing on purpose not to be at my daughters wedding. She treats me so horribly I am tired of the drama. I love her and always will, but sometimes the drama isn't worth the stress.

Cal2Caro 06/17/2017

My daughter who also treats me with such disrepect got married a bit over a year ago. She was super nice and needed my help, and money, and completely changed when I first flew 3,000 to surprise her at her shower, Her response at being surprised was "Oh hey, I kind of thought you might show". 2 weeks later I made the journey again for the wedding and realistically I would not have been missed. I wasn't included in most things mothers are, I.e., being in the bridal suite helping. Her step moms cousin who was the official got to be and also gave her notes and a hankies and such from her Dad. I took some diamond earrings I was going to give her but ended up bringing them back with me, as it was apparent I was unwanted. When wedding pictures came out there were approx 150 of her Dad and his new wife and 4 of me. Talk about a slap in the face. So yes looking back , even tho I wanted to see my oldest daughter get married, I was humiliated. Maybe to get back at me for leaving Dad? Very sad.

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