Parents of estranged adult children Community Group

One or more of our adult children walked out of our lives and never looked back.

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mustang1 03/03/2017

I think we did too much...gave too much... surrounded our worlds around them. I believe my daughter 34, just decided to have new parents, her in-laws, and just decided to cut me out. Her husband is uneducated, my daughter has a masters degree. I have a PhD. I think I intimidate him so he decided to just not like me and has criticized me from day 1. Once, we all played Scrabble and he was losing, so he tossed the board. I think he talks down to women. During the wedding his father seemed silent and distant as if I were not good enough to even speak to him. After 7 years I decided to just take it as it is really......why? No clue.....my relationship is but texts now. She even says I have caused her to go to therapy. I decide to just forgive her. I have lessened my concern, and I have decided to move on. I am and have always been a great parent. I gave my all...I deserve more if she is unwilling to give...that is her loss....and unfortunately mine. I still cry...I get depressed when I remember the great times. I just know I gave it my all and that was just not good enough.....so I will live on and give to others who respect and appreciate my love.

Victoryrose44 03/16/2017

I wish you peace with this terrible injustice! I agree that her husband probably feels intimidated by you. because your daughter loves you. He must feel intimidated by your daughters intelligence as well. Only a small person needs to separate a child from her Mother. That's his issue, but your daughter most likely is trying to please him by ignoring you. This is very sad. All you can do is to know that you did your best and was a good Mother! Your daughter knows this deep inside. Some day she will come to regret this. She shouldn't have to destroy a relationship with her mother in order to keep her marriage. If he really loved her he would never expect this! Good luck to you..

mustang1 03/16/2017

Thank you

DominickDunne 03/20/2017

Therapy can be very helpful in learning to cope with sorrows like this. Sometimes its our thinking that keeps us bound in our depression. It is a sorrow to have an adult child that doesn't want to be around us and a SIL who wants distance from us. I have the same situation, my daughter's husband prefers his mommy and there's no room for any other mothers (me). Please don't stay in your depression, seek help. Life can be good, we can heal and move forward. Your life is not just being a mother, there's so much yet to come. Find new hobbies, learn something new, meet new people, volunteer. Move forward however we can.

ginateresa 03/21/2017

Your first line is exactly what I think I did. Gave too much. Did too much. I was a single parent of three children. I have lost two out of the three. I don't think they respect me. I've been grieving for a couple of years and it still hurts. I'm with you.

Teri 04/22/2017

I gave my all too....It was like a death when I realized that the close relationship was really not real. She was compliant and sneaky for years... and I thought she was sweet and quiet... shopping trips, praying each night, photo sessions... late night talks.. vacations.. you know moms what I am talking about... she found another family too... and 18 years with us just gone...so it seems... painful is not even close to the right word... I have another daughter at home. I have stopped reaching out. Risky yes? I tried the constant reaching out... nothing but rejection... love and prayers to you all..

Teri 04/22/2017

Correction--- I will just stay involved with my daughter that is with me. She is hurting too... And not reach out to my estranged unless the Lord moves me to keep doing so...

Teri 04/22/2017

Sorry I am on a roll.... Do you think they really will regret? I don't know... I really don't... I think we have a generation that has become so self centered... that they may never appreciate..

Victoryrose44 04/23/2017

My Dad used to tell me, if you don't demand respect from your Children, they will "Spit on your grave". I agree that it is an issue with giving too much to your children. Allowing them to walk all over you! I bought my Son 4 brand new Camaro's. He crashed 3 of them. I know children who adore their parents and they were abused. The best thing you can do is walk away from the abuse which they have perpetrated on you!! No one has a right to hurt another, especially their own parents!! Let THEM live with it! You've lost nothing anyway!!!

Teri 04/25/2017

Really thought we did all the right things... it was my hearts desire to have kids, and be a stay at home... The happiest day of my life was when I had my children in my arms... now... the unhappiest is mothers day... I will be a disaster... love to you all moms... you wouldn't be here if you were not GOOD moms...

BelievingMom2011 05/03/2017

We've learned that reaching out to our son only gave him the power to be nasty to us. He seemed to have satisfaction in "putting us in our place". He'll be married for 2 years in a few weeks and that's the last time we've seen him. One of the worst days of my life. Through my faith in Jesus, I can say I'm at peace with it all. We did nothing to deserve this. We were good parents and deep down he knows that. I suspect he struggles with that everyday. It's been a very, very, very long and hurtful road. A lot of tears. I still cry periodically, but not like I did. I have faith that he will be back one day and it will be because he wants us in his life. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my life as God intended and so should all of you. Don't let your child take your peace - they have already taken way too much.

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