I have heard nothing from two of my EC during this time. I have not contacted them either but I decided to send a text this morning simply saying happy easter. I almost didn't but I am seeing that both of the EC have responded, which is kinda strange or unusual. I also did too much and gave too much. Now I am seeing this as my codependence. I saw myself as a professional mother and then had to reinvent my role in life but I like the role I have now as just human being with no responsibilities to raise children. Done with that. I loved it but it is over. Like you, I decided to change myself and accept reality and work on me. This pandemic has made many of us fearful, others seem to not care at all nor take precautions. Hugs to you, stay strong.

I'm right there with you both. My ES adult daughter stopped talking to me about 3 years ago. I haven't received a phone call or email from her.
She doesn't know the sacrifices I made for her. My last marriage was the end of our relationship. I'm starting to worry about who will care for me when I get old.

I know i will have to take care of myself or live with my son and his wife...nope.I am thinking of where i can live where it is cheaper but then your stuck.I truly do not desire to live in a apartment or a facility so will have to work till i no longer can

I think it is wise to make plans for our aging futures. Our adult children may not be able to take care of us or our health needs. I have a plan in mind because I have health issues. I do want to live in a senior community apartment because I don’t want to be all alone in a big home trying to manage things and having to cook and clean when I no longer can. Some of my relatives have needed total help to eat or dress or walk. Being ready is better than living in fear. Find out what senior living options there are in your area. Sometimes friends move in together like the old golden girls show.

There's a site on fb called seniors living together. I joined it but am not sure i could live with another person any more..have been alone for 4 years now and have become used to it.My whole life i was with people and now the silence is welcome But who knows...would help maybe with finances and loneliness not sure

I have joined two book clubs and a writing group. One of the book clubs is created by a bunch of women over age 70 for the purpose of creating friendships. I have not been active enough in pursuing friendships. I don't want to be the older adult, with a deceased spouse, who is all alone and has no friendships. My sister lives alone and has no help when she has broken her leg, and broken other bones. This makes life harder, I think. I think living with a good roommate can ease the loneliness of older age with estranged children. I'd have to have my own space, like my own side of the house and bathroom probably. I know many women who only want the friendships of their adult children and that is not what I want, or will ever have. I like being alone, I can entertain myself, but I have come to realize I have not made enough of an effort to create sustaining friendships.

Hello....I am new on here and I am in the same position. Heartbroken. Raised my two daughters as a single mom. My daughters are 23 and 25. I had no problems with them until they went to college. Just curious to know if anyone else had a similar situation?

Welcome G. There are many parents who have been rejected by their young and old adult children. For tons of reasons. This site is often slow and I find the community associated with the book Done With The Crying is very helpful. Maybe if more of us on here chat, we can build it back up. I recommend Done With The Crying book as ac must read. You are not alone. If you’d like to start a new posting on here, I’ll check back in a day or so.

Oh my Gawd Im so glad Im not the only one .There has been nothing but fighting with my kids since this started.It took Covid to find out who really cares. Siblings ,havent heard from one.
I am also just making a life for me and my husband

I totally understand your hurt because I have a daughter who cares nothing for me. I will say she is a caring mother, just a horrid daughter. She told me a few years ago "I don't want any input from you." All I do is send birthday and Xmas cards with gift cards and I feel like a hypocrite for even making that contact.

hi everyone. Yes, it is indeed a whole heap of sadness in all our lives. My ED hasn't visited her dad and I for 3 years now despite only living a couple of miles away. She occasionally sends the odd text message but never phones us and doesn't pick up if we call. She graced me with her presence to take her on a shopping spree for her last birthday ten months ago which seemed to go well. But not even a mothers day card since. I think it was a turning point for me when she didn't bother to visit or send a fathers day card. We parents often torture ourselves with self blame for every imperfection we think we ever didn't get right during our parenting years but although I admit my own faults as a mom, one thing I can say for sure is that her father was really quite a great dad. she was lucky to have such a good dad growing up. Not in a million years did I ever imagine I would one day feel ashamed of my daughter that she has grown up to be a person who shows so little respect or regard for her father. It made me suddenly realise on fathers day that the self blame is absolutely stopped now. I think it is a very hard thing to let go of the dreams we had of happy family Sunday dinners and visions of a future including stuff like Christmas together. But I think we can and must make new different dreams and goals for our own lives now. No choice because I don't see why I should doom myself to a lifetime of misery. Last week on website "abandoned parents" of author of "Done with the crying" book, I read analogy of The Boat. totally recommend it. It helped me see things clearer and draw personal strength from it. Even if our grown up kids don't love us, doesn't mean to say we shouldn't love ourselves.

The letting go is the hardest challenge to face. The dreams of having your "family" be a part of your life. Its all on Hollywood only ,yet it seems we were close before. I have been taking inventory about myself for years but as of late i am now doing that to them and realizing they are not who i thought they were . I saw them as wonderful people and myself as a loser so now am digging out of my hole. Starting to work hard at seeing myself as worth something. When they do text I am still happy they do though but now my world no longer includes them which totally goes against what i am or who i was .I am going to purchase the book done with the crying as well

Your right to move forward with your own life, shelda. Not just outer life but inner selves too if you know what I mean. I think shifting our mindset in how we view ourselves is a big part of healing. I been thinking something... where is it written in stone that "mother" completely defines me as a person? I remember once many years ago comforting a friend who was crying about losing job he loved due to a health problem, He was saying he was just a nothing now and that there was no point to his life anymore. I recall advising him "x occupation" doesn't define you as a person, who says you should measure your own self worth against that yardstick". Maybe I ought take my own advice, after all "mother" was a kind of "occupation" for twenty odd years, but it's not all of who i am. Before I couldn't even look at old photos. It would make me feel desolate. But lately I been thinking that instead of feeling sorry for myself like "that was a waste of twenty odd years of my life with no reward to show for it now" maybe I can view it another way: sure it was lot of fun when kid was little and situation now can't take that away from me, but then it was all pretty much downhill after that lol. Tbh. ED teenage years were often not especially rewarding and trying to navigate through her rebellious dramas was sometimes exhausting. But now she's grown up, I can force myself to let go. And since her choice is to not feature much in my current life, probably best that I mentally close that chapter of my life as 'mother'. Even perhaps look on the bright side that all the mental and physical energy it drained from me can now be freed up for a more self-focused life. On balance, maybe motherhood was bit of an over-rated occupation anyway. I have apologised to her for my shortcomings as a mom and tried numerous times to reach out to her, but I'm not going to beg. In all likelihood, she won't visit over the upcoming holidays this year, so I will just post her a Christmas gift and a card with a few kind, chatty words. That way she knows door is always open for her to come be a part of our lives if she wants to. But we refuse to be blackmailed: Estrangement came about because she started dating a violent criminal 3 years ago and we refused to accept him so she said if we wont, then she will cut us out of her life. I tried to reason with her: let's compromise - your an individual so why not visit us yourself and we won't discuss him at all. But that's not what she wants so there's nothing else i can do now except force myself to stop wallowing in misery. For a while, it put a strain on my marriage because my husband refused to talk about her and got mad at me if I tried to. I got resentful because I felt I had nobody else i could talk to about feeling so bereft (too ashamed to admit to people that I'm estranged from my daughter and she is not one i can feel proud of). But now I understand it is my husband way of coping with his grief and he's probably right that my obsession with her loss is not healthy.

Yes, you probably feel nothing for them because of the way they have treated you and how they do not show an interest. You are just tired and have had enough. They are the ones who are wrong and probably will not admit it. My daughter tries to blame me instead of looking at herself as she is the problem. Go on with your life, find out things that interest you, meet people who care about you try to develop healthy friendships that are good for you. See what time will show. Perhaps after some time, your adult kids will reach out. If that happens don't show them you have been sad or waiting on them. express your new life of taking care of yourself and connecting with others that care about you.