My heart is broken. I literally have pain in my chest as I write this. I have 2 daughters ages 38 and 33. I came from a house of neglect and abuse. My mother put everyone before her children. My siblings and I often went hungry. The House was filithy. The kids were filithy. Cockroaches everywhere. Truly white trash. When I became pregnant at 15 I got married to her father.  I went on to graduate from high school. I then went on to nursing school. I had a second daughter 5 years into the marriage. 7 years into the marriage I left him. I left him with the 2 girls. I was 22. Free for the first time in my life. I was working as an ICU nurse so I was financially dependent. I dated some. Yes, I showed some wild oats. Less than a year into my divorce I met my soul mate. The girls came to live with us and we all 3 thrived. My husband took on the role of dad to my girls and they love him. Their own father began using drugs and  eventually the girls lost contact with him. My husband and I have given the girls everything. New cars, educations and money. I was always obsessed with keeping a clean home and dressing the girls properly. When the girls were married we gave them nice weddings. The day my first granddaughter was born was one of the best days of my life. She is now 6 and we are/were very close. Our youngest daughter gave us 2 more beautiful granddaughters. Sure the girls and I had our ups and downs. What mother daughter relationship doesn’t. Life was good. About 2 years ago my oldest daughter began snapping at me. Then really yelling at me over the least little thing. I tried talking to her to no avail. I chalked it up to stress. Then on Valentines Day 2018 she called me. During the conversation she began crying when I asked what was wrong she said I abused her as a child. I yelled at her constantly as a child then I went on to verbally and emotionally abuse her even as an adult today. She shared with me a few of her memories with me. None of which I remember. She said she has been around a lot of 5 to 6 year olds lately while volunteering at my granddaughters school. So she has started remembering a lot of things from her childhood. She wanted to know what kind of thrill I got from belittling and berating her. Especially as a young child. At this point she was speaking with such rage. She went on to accuse me of being an controlling, horrible mother. I listened to her. That my friend was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life.  Through my tears I apologized over and over again. My daughters are very close. So the next day I called my youngest daughter. I wanted to apologize to her for any pain I may have caused her. She told me her life was “not as bad as her sisters”. Since then neither daughter will return my calls or texts.  I’ll be the first to admit I was not the perfect mother. My husband & I worked hard to provide for them. I thought we showed them love. I thought I was a decent mom. Needless to say I’m a broken person. I will never be the same. I miss my granddaughters immensely. I know they have to be asking for me. They are 5 and 6 years old. They are old enough to know something is not right.  I’m not sure what to do next. Any advice is appreciated.