Parents of estranged adult children Community Group
One or more of our adult children walked out of our lives and never looked back.
Today is my birthday and I am feeling emotionally drained. My 2 oldest didn't even have the decency to text, send a card or call. I have been at odds with my oldest daughter since I left my ex 5 years ago. I took up with a old boyfriend, moved 3,000 miles to live near my oldest son and grandkids. My bf and son didn't get along, so bf left twice. Ever since then my relationship with my son has been bad. I am far away from my family and friends and only have my oldest and his family, and youngest daughter who lives with her bf. I am accused of always being negative, but I am alone and never asked to do anything or go anywhere unless I am needed to babysit or take my daughter to dinner (only when the bf is gone). So yea I am a bit bitter. I am a very, very giving person to a fault, but have kind of turned into a sourpus. I like resolution coming from conversations so no I'm not going to sweep stuff under the rug. My oldest also talked me into buying a fixer upper that he promised he would finish quickly, but it's been over 3 years. I think the mere fact that he feels ashamed may be part of the problem.
I just need to know if anyone else feels helpless and abandoned. I left my ex after 25 years being with a control freak. He immediately went on a dating site and found himself a new wife. Now everything I ever asked for and was denied she is getting along with my children attention. Part of me is feeling jealous, altho in no way, shape or form would I ever want him back. It just hurts my feelings that I raised all 4 of mine pretty much without his help and now because he has money they all turn to him as if he is super Dad.
I just need to hear any advice on dealing with my emotions. I'm fine when I am at work and don't have to think about it. And at my age, 58, it isn't so easy to move across country and just find friends. Most people are already settled in with their groups. I don't want to break down and act like nothing happened because it did and I'm hurt. I never would think to not get ahold of a family member, let alone my children. Thank you for listening
I read your post and feel your pain.I know it may not mean very much but Happy Birthday to you from me for 06/16. No acknowledgement for your special day is cruel and hurtful. you have every right to feel hurt, helpless and abandoned. Its a tremendous loss to accept and adjust to. It good that work keeps you distracted and I agree its not easy to up and move across the country. I have experienced estrangement from my son and as a result cannot engage with my grand daughter. The pain is excruciating at times but like you say when you are at work you feel ok. I am seeing a therapist at the moment which I do feel is helping me. I think because you are a kind hearted giving person its challenging to understand how children can do this to their own mother. The way I cope is dealing with my emotions as they come along and treating this like a bereavement. I am kind to myself and try focus on positive thoughts and being thankful I am alive. On the bad days I keep myself to myself and read the experiences of others in the same situation and it helps me feel not so alone. birthdays and anniversaries are hard but once they pass i pick up again.
You are still young and have a lot to give. Where do you see yourself in 2 years?
keep you head up and spirits higher xxx