Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group
This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.
i have a 13 soon to be 14 year old. he has such a hard time making friends.. the problem, when he does make them, he does something to lose them, and really doesnt get what or why. he is in his own planet when it comes to this, will he ever mature, and be able to keep a friend. my guess is he doesnt see how he talks to them. maybe can be hurtful when he is trying to be funny. but he doesnt see it. do they ever mature out of this, my heart breaks for him. he talks about how much people hate him. it is so sad. he switched shools this year., had a great start , and now we are back to where we were two years ago.. any help would be great. yes he is on vyvanse. and it works for school. but i just dont know what to do anymore. he sees his brother and sister go off with there friends.. its heartbreaking.
I just wanted to say I understand. I have a 14 year old daughter. Her ADHD is mild but she has suffered from social anxiety and processing speed issues that have held her back socially. My other two kids...socially, are much more adept...one, another daughter is very popular. It is very hard. I don't think my 14 year old has had a real friend since 2nd grade and that was really because the other mom was pushing the friendship for her daughter because she thought mine was 'so nice'. Unfortunately, this friend moved away in 4th grade. By 5th grade, my daughter would show up to school and line up on the blacktop...just stand there in line next to her backpack and talk to no one. I thought when middle school started in 6th, things would get better. They did not. I can count 4 times she did anything at all in the past 3 years with other girls. She doesn't talk or text at all. She essentially calls these girls 'friends' but they are mostly acquaintances from what I gather. At the start of 8th grade, they had to get together lunch tables themselves in groups of 4. She was excluded and ended up crying down at the counselors office. In Sept, she starts high school. I just keep hoping, suggesting and trying different things.
Over the years what I am finding that works best is: structured social scenarios, where there is an adult in charge to interact as well and maintain some sort of 'community' so no one gets excluded. For the most part, we've had to go 'outside' of the school to try to build up her self esteem and working social knowledge as well as a sense of competency. We are finally seeing some bleed over now at school it seems she is at least feeling a bit more confident...
Therefore, classes, lessons, camps, or certain structured individual type sports or other activities she does well and seems to do well. I have also found where the adult/counselor/teacher is young/energetic and seems to be the type that might be trained to focus on encouraging 'inclusivity' and will make positive comments about ALL of the kids is where the pressure is lessened on her and where she does best.
We also had her work with a therapist for a while and had her practice doing social tasks such as calling friends on the phone while the therapist was there to listen and critique. Usually she'd say the wrong thing (in her case because of nerves she'd sound really 'short').
Another thing that has been successful: summer camp: the sleep-away kind. Kids coming in from all over that your child does not know or have a history with. Counselors that are trained to keep the peace and keep them busy and to keep the 'cabin' or whatever a cohesive unit. You might consider one for kids with ADHD or not. Just research and find a good one, ask questions and don't be prideful about laying out your concerns to the director and counselors so they will be alert. Best thing we ever did for my daughter. Worth every penny. Gave her the 'gift' of experiencing what it was like to be with friends and to do the kind of stuff that friends do together...if only for a few weeks. I feel like this really helped in her overall emotional welfare. She has missed out on so much of what childhood is all about and can't wait to go back this year.
Good luck.