Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group
This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.
I'm having a really hard time with my son right now. He just started middle school this year, so he just changed to a brand new school. He has been on Biphentin 20 mg for a couple of years.. it's still working well for him, and he's right where he should be in terms of managing his ADHD.
He had a psych ed report completed in school last year which revealed a moderate LD as well, and we just got notice last week that he has to change schools in order to move into an intensive support program full time. I'm not sure if it's all these changes that are scaring him.. or if it's adolescence rearing its ugly head, but he's really turned into a child that I don't recognize as my own at all.
He's gone from a sweet, mild-mannered, extremely loving child to a kid that's always snapping back, talking back to me and being EXTREMELY disrespectful, and YELLING at the top of his lungs at me. We've had four nights this past week which resulted in him yelling and screaming at me, telling me he hates me and hates his life.. I, rather than yell, just put him in his room for the night with the lights out, because I just can't deal.. I don't want to scream back at him. I'd rather just put him in his room and let him think or work out what he needs to work out, while I sit out here and just cry because my heart is broken.
He just isn't the same kid anymore. I try and talk to him every day and see what's bothering him.. how he feels about things..etc.. up until school started this year, we've had a great relationship and could talk about anything. But not anymore. He yells at me for everything. I'm sending him to bed because I can't take the stress. And we both cry every day.
Please help.. if anyone can shed some light I would really appreciate it. I just don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I feel like there's no joy left inside me. Between the stress of him having to change schools because of his ADHD/LD, and his attitude, I just don't feel like I have any energy left to deal with any of it. I'm drained, sad, stressed, and have a child I don't even know anymore. Please help.. I don't know what to do.. :(
He had a psych ed report completed in school last year which revealed a moderate LD as well, and we just got notice last week that he has to change schools in order to move into an intensive support program full time. I'm not sure if it's all these changes that are scaring him.. or if it's adolescence rearing its ugly head, but he's really turned into a child that I don't recognize as my own at all.
He's gone from a sweet, mild-mannered, extremely loving child to a kid that's always snapping back, talking back to me and being EXTREMELY disrespectful, and YELLING at the top of his lungs at me. We've had four nights this past week which resulted in him yelling and screaming at me, telling me he hates me and hates his life.. I, rather than yell, just put him in his room for the night with the lights out, because I just can't deal.. I don't want to scream back at him. I'd rather just put him in his room and let him think or work out what he needs to work out, while I sit out here and just cry because my heart is broken.
He just isn't the same kid anymore. I try and talk to him every day and see what's bothering him.. how he feels about things..etc.. up until school started this year, we've had a great relationship and could talk about anything. But not anymore. He yells at me for everything. I'm sending him to bed because I can't take the stress. And we both cry every day.
Please help.. if anyone can shed some light I would really appreciate it. I just don't know what to do. I'm so sad all the time and I feel like there's no joy left inside me. Between the stress of him having to change schools because of his ADHD/LD, and his attitude, I just don't feel like I have any energy left to deal with any of it. I'm drained, sad, stressed, and have a child I don't even know anymore. Please help.. I don't know what to do.. :(
deleted_user
Does he have any other role models he can talk to? I don' t why it is but kids that age blame mom for just about everything under the sun. So much of that just comes with that age. I went thru a stage w/ my mom at that age & after a couple of years she was my very best friend. Just keep loving him & will come around to see how much you cared.
SpiderMom
Thank you, Blondiekids2. I sure hope he will someday. I just wonder if we'll ever get to that point. Neither of us has anyone else except each other to talk to. I am a single mother and we don't live anywhere near any of our family, and even all our friends have moved away. He only has his few school friends that he can talk to, and he'll be losing much contact with them when he moves to his new school next week. I'm sure he's blaming me for having to transfer too. It's like I can do nothing right, and I'm hated for everything I do and say. He makes me feel like I'm the worst mother in the world. :(
deleted_user
When my oldest son started middle school, the school had a mentor program in which the younger kids were paired up with an older student "mentor". See if your school has anything like that. It worked really wee for my son. Also ask if they have a "Follower's" club. This is a Christian based support club, but you have to ask if it exist. They cannot solicit members. It is important for these kids to feel they have a support network because life is hard enough on a daily basis, and their frustration with their condition really ramps up in middle school. They can be overwhelmed by added classroom pressure and the added social pressure that comes with middle school, and cause them to act out more.
rockym
I too used to send my son to his room when he acted like this. I learned that I needed to stay with him and be present instead. No matter what he says or how he says it, at least he is communicating with you. Instead of sending him away, validate his feelings. He is scared, angry, frustrated, etc. and doesn't know how to deal with it. Say things like, "I can tell you are upset, what's wrong?" tell him, "It's going to be okay." tell him it's okay to feel this way and encourage him to talk I(or yell) to you about it. you will be surprised what you find out. Look at it like this, if you are upset about something to the point that you have lost it like your son does, do you want someone to tell you to stop acting that way and try to shush you up? No, you want to get it out and move on. Once he is calm, come back and talk to him about how he expressed his feeling and how he could do it better next time. If he refused to talk to you or tells you to leave him alone, stop talking and just sit with him, tell him you are there for him whenever he is ready to talk about it. Kids just want to know everything is going to be okay. As parents we need to be in a good place ourselves to be there for him. Find a way to do this for you. Doling out consequences and yelling and crying doesn't help you get to the root of the problem. I know it sounds weird, but I was in the same place with my now 13 yr old son who also has learning disabilities, ADHD and ODD(not so much anymore) he too had to switch schools for 8th grade this year to attend alternative school and he wasn't happy about it either. When I took the parenting class (beyondconsequences.com) I learned how to do these things and our relationship has improved so much after the past few months of doing this. Not so much crying anymore. I know where you are, I have sat in parking lots and just cried my eyes out over my son so many times in the past. This concept seems to be working the best so far. It must be hard to do this without family nearby, I am sorry you are going through this. With a little work, you can get through it.
SpiderMom
You're all right.. it's not just the ADHD and LD that he has to deal with right now.. it's the age as well. Thank you very much to you both for your advice and information.. I really appreciate it. It certainly helps to know that others have been through this. I thank you all for putting things in perspective for me.
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