OMG... readying this, I'd think that I posted it! Except my son is almost 16. Hasn't had homework OR tests/quizzes all year! I keep telling people that their kids should take all the same classes as my son; they'd have a really easy year because none of his teachers gives homework, notes, tests, etc. I've tried after-school tutoring, professional tutoring, paying for good report card grades, at-home incentives (extra computer time, etc); he just doesn't seem to care. I keep holding on to the hope that one day it will "click". Here's hoping!

You are describing my son and my own struggle. He had the same attitude about his classwork and school. He is almost sixteen and his grades were declining to C's and D's. He swore grades did not matter. He was at ease with his grades. It was a daily and exhausting struggle asking him to show me his homework. He will make so many excuses, leaving it in locker, doing it during Study Hall, etc. I heard them all. I thought I was a failure as a mother and started to doubt my ability as a parent. What made this worse was I had no support from his father who I am divorced from. He blamed me for my son's grades and said ugly things like if our son was with him he wouldn't be having issues with his homework and that I was the problem. His way of dealing with our son was just let him fail so he can understand. Well, I did this after speaking to the school counselor and his teacher and they also told me I should allow my son to fail so he can learn. Needless to say, my son ended up going to summer school after he fail one of his classes. Allowing him to fail does not work when he does not care. I had to pay for summer school over $200 that I did not have, all from my pocket. On top of this, driving him to a school that was almost thirty minutes away because no other school nearby offer the class that he needed to make up. My car is over ten years old and barely runs. I had no gas money at the time when the gas was over four dollars a gallon. I had no idea how to get my son to the school. He had another week to go and no gas money. Thankfully, his friend's mother who lives near us, her son was also going to summer school and making up the same class. However, her son's class was earlier. I was able to convince the school to allow my son to change his class from PM to Am so he can finish summer school and get a ride with his friend. He was able to finish. As you can see, I tried everything and felt so alone. So many times I felt like I was the only parent dealing with this. Like RyMa, I offered to pay him for good grades, I took away so many privileges. I had countless of meetings with my son's school. He was pretty much housebound but nothing worked. I lectured him the importance of grades. I didn't know what to take away from my son anymore. Finally after begging the school for a year to help me with my son. He was provided with a school counselor who would see my son once a week. Still, his homework issue has not improved. Six months after, I was able to convince the counselor to ask my son's teacher to email me once a week. Knowing this will help me immensely not having to double guess every day. Every week I will ask the teachers if my son owes any work to them, what work is it that he owes and if he is passing. If my son told me that he had no work to do, I would simply print out the email from his teacher saying differently. After only doing this for about a month, my son's report card went from c's and d's to a's and b's. He still doesn't study. I was told from his counselor that it is one step at a time. That after my son gets into the habit of handing in the homework on time then he will work on the studying with him. Once he studies he will easily get A's is what I am told from the counselor and all the teachers. This worked great for my son. I was at my wit's end, not seeing a light on the end of tunnel, crying so many nights. But that report card was more than just a light at the end. I was finally able to breathe. Instead of tears of frustration and sadnees, I had tears of joy. I never gave up on finding a solution for my son. I hope you find someone to help you find a way that will work for your son. There is always hope, one way or another. Never give up on your kid. Whether your kid is one, two, ten and even at age sixteen. You will find a way. Good luck! :-)

You are desciring my son to a tee. He is gifted, and has Adhd, and thinks that if he does any better in math , which he can, he will not have as much pressure. he is 11 and has Anxiety disorder as well. His grades are well below what he is capable of. He even workes hard on certain homework then not turn it in. No reason. Drives me nuts. He is on Concerta 36mg and Zoloft 50mg for anxiety.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I, too, have tried everything, and nothing seems to be working.

Alyxiss, I'm glad you finally found something that worked. I've been trying all year to get my son's teacher to email me with a list of deadlines and tests but she wouldn't do it. I just added it right to his IEP for this term, because for me, it's a necessity to have that advance notice. She's doing it now, and we have ample time to study together.. but now I just need to somehow convince my son to be on board too.

Yikes! You're describing my kid too! He's almost 16 with ADHD and has really never cared about his grades though he does wish I'd stop bothering him about them. Honestly he looked at me and told me getting D's wasn't failing. He does take medication and with that at one time he was getting A's & B's (though not due to increased studying, just increased attention in class which is okay with me). As we've struggled with finding the right medication (the last one had too many side effects as he got older) the grades have hit the gutter again. After having the experience of things being better it's really hard for me to deal with this again. My son, on the other hand, really could care less. Like everyone else here I've tried everything I can think of: paying for grades (not proud but if it works...), restrictions, lectures, even the sink or swim method (sank like a stone). I feel like it would be a touch easier to take if I wasn't the only one worried about this!

He does have an IEP and we're trying to beef that up but let's face it, that can only help to a degree. I have other things on my plate (single mom probably says it all) and find myself exhausted dealing with school (where they are very supportive, thank goodness) & MD around med issues. Can't tell people how great it is to not feel all alone.

WOW - I know exactly how you feel. My son is in 2nd grade. His backpack is always filled with C's & D's & his response to me is "well I got more right than wrong - so what's your problem"...but yet he goes nuts when he gets to the next level on a PS3 game. My son does just enough to get by & like you said could really care less. If someone gives you good advice on how to make it better I'm all ears. I spend more time worrying about what kind of teenager he's going to become & whether or not he'll be a productive adult then anything else. Meds DO NO solve the problem, all they do is help make it through the day. There is no magic pill for pride...I can tell you that because we are on our 5th type. I take it 1 day at a time, some days are better than others. I also use his PS3 & DS against him every chance I get. What does he enjoy?

I'm new here and struggling with what to do about my son and your story sounds like my son as well. He'll be 16 in April. He only wants to pass and is having a hard time with that. He failed the first semester of Algebra 2. At the rate he's going he may fail the 2nd semester as well. He has a D in Chemistry C in English. Driver's Ed, PE, and shop classes he has As and Bs. I can check his grades online and I obsessively check them all day long and cry when his grade goes down. He failed every one of the "important" mid-terms (Algebra, Chem, and English) but managed to pass the classes except for the Algebra. He hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD. I am trying to decide what to do about that. We filled out one of those assessments in 5th grade (can't remember what it's called) and out of his teacher, his dad, and me, I was the only one who's results leaned toward ADD. I believe his dad is in denial. He doesn't really believe in this stuff. Thinks he's just lazy. His teacher just believes kids play too many video games nowadays, which he doesn't do. He spends his time piddling around in the garage. I've been debating about discussing it with his doctor. He's had problems in school since 1st grade when they started reading. It was such a shock to us because he was the kid all my friends and family raved about, saying how smart he was. He spoke very well and hardly used any baby talk,and LOVED to be read to. Had to have a book every time we went to a store. I actually worried he might be a "nerd" in school or a bookworm type! HA! Not what happened. I got nowhere with school people. Had him tested in between 4th and 5th grade by a neuropsychologist where he was found to have deficits in working memory and executive function. I showed this to the school and didn't know what executive dysfunction was and didn't know what to do about it. If he does has adhd it is the inattentive type. I guess as long as he's not bothering them, the teachers don't care. They all agreed that he was smart. Back in 1st of 2nd grade his teacher commented that he looks at her while she's talking but she wonders if his mind is actually somewhere else. She didn't act concerned at the time. She said it like it was funny or cute, so we didn't really take it too seriously either. Everyone figured he'd grow out of it. I was probably in denial. My very smart son could not be having problems in school. No way! Now I see the kids who's mother's wanted their kids to be like mine and they are doing fine or very well even and my "smart" child is on the verge of failing. I worry every day that he won't graduate on time or that he will end up quitting because he's so far behind. I was hoping that if we got him on medication it might produce some motivation. Has anyone seen an increase in motivation with medication?

This descibes my son also and from reading and our psycitrist this is what I have come up with, They shut down after so much school work, there brain meets the lemit and thats it although it look like he's refuseing and being a pin its just his mind shutting down. Then there is the profectionist in him, If I can't do PERFECT I won't do it at all. This being why my son age 8 can not tie his shoes cause he wont try just started riding a two wheel bike last summer, cause he had to do it perfect the first time or not at all? I don't realy know if this pertains to you or not but I thought mabe it might help?

I don't know my post probly was a bunch of stuff you all have herd sounds like your more experenced then I and I have a wonderful future to look foward to.. My only hope is that god will grant us a marical. Because my only hope right now is medication and looks like that only helps a littel bit. But I Pray that god will take my son into his arms and guide him through school because we all know school is the most important thing for our children.

Like everyone else, this describes my son. Especially wahm2(reply 7) My son is in high school , he is gifted w/ ADHD and LD in executive functioniny/defecit in working memory. I just checked his grades and after crying and beating myself up I found this site. It just confirmed what I already know. Take one day at a time, keep my goals in site and never ever give up on my child. So maybe I can help you with what I know. Executive Functioning has to do with your childs ability to manage himself and the steps neccesary to achieve a goal, for example a research paper or a school project. It involves organization, initiation, self monitoring and oh yeah "working memory"= the ability to hold information in mind for the purpose of completing a task.
A good book to read is "Late, lost and unprepared" by Joyce Cooper-Kahn. Basically I act as my son's exexcutive assistant to help with his executive functioning. The problem is if I relax or don't follow through everything falls apart. It is alot on me, but everyone I now with similar problems do this,because the school can help but noone will do this for your child except you; and as they get older(meaning 12 grade/college) they mature and develop compensations and adaptions to help them in the real world.

On the other hand when I feel overwelmed and depressed I think about how depressing it must be for a smart child to have such difficulties. So I end this with my best advice tell your child something positive and uplifting everyday. Catch him doing something "right" and point it out to him. It so very vital.

My son doesn't consider studying homework. For some reason he thinks this is something completely different and doesn't have to do it. Our school has a homework hot line that we call every afternoon to get the work to all his classes (he's in middle school). He hates this. He always says he has no homework, yet when I check the hot line there's homework in every class, including studying. That's when his attitude comes out and I become a bad mom. He loves it when he gets good grades - it makes him feel good, yet he doesn't care to do anything to get those grades. Then he gets bad grades and all of a sudden he no longer cares about school. It's an endless cycle.

So don't feel like you're the only one in this situation. It looks like there's a few of us out there! Good luck to you!

This also describes my son to a tee!! He will be 16 in a few weeks and hates school, just does enough to get by and has a terrible attitude about it. When we give him an incentive, he may try for a week or so and get better grades, but it never lasts. I find that some teachers are more understanding than others. He does have an IEP, but again, this can only help so much; he has to put in the effort. I feel so alone in this struggle. My husband doesn't see it as much as a problem as I do, thinks it's something he needs to "get over". I feel better just knowing I'm not alone.

I have the same problem with my son who is only 12 and 1st year of High school and has a very High IQ...I can tell you now that if he doesn't want to learn he won't.....Because your son is so frustrated in his learning he has just given up which makes you feel like you have failed..Please don't have any expectations for your son..He needs a tutor who has worked with ADHD kids I know what your thinking"yeah where do I find one of them",put an add in the paper or look into it at the school...I have a tutor for my son and he is doing better..He actually does homework now.....Praise him on the work that he has done...Tell him he is not a failure he is a very smart young man and needs to learn to do things a bit different like oral exams otherwise they get bored easily....Best of luck...

As with everyone else, this describes my son to a tee! He'll be 16 next week and his grades are terrible. He just doesn't seem to care, although he says he does and he is bringing his grades up. When I go online to check his grades (also obsessively), I cry! Seems we all agree with the issues and symptoms, now we just need answers! The school hasn't been a lot of help. They keep telling me it is his responsibility to write down the assignments, ask for help when he needs it, complete things on time. They won't even tell me about projects or research papers. I find out about them when I check his grades and then it's to late. It is so frustrating. It is so wonderful to be able to come here and realize that I am not alone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I have to tell you that my hubby was the same way in school. He could have cared less all through school and into highschool. As long as he "passed" he didn't care. Even the easy classes. LOL. My brothers were the same way. They just didn't care a whole lot. One of the things my mom did was to use the same attitude. If you don't care, I don't care. Meaning she didn't care that they were grounded because they wouldn't do their homework or that they had to go to summer school because they hadn't put forth the effort. I always tell my kids to do their very best. My husband looks back now and kicks himself big time. He went to college and did awesome, but he wishes he has tried harder in school so college wasn't so hard for him. He grew out of the whole "don't care" attitude, I hope your son does too. Have you tried the whole no play time thing and no games ect? Sorry I can't be more help mom. But I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck.