Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group

This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.

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SpiderMom 04/19/2011

Hi everyone.

My 11 year old son has ADHD and has been on meds for about 3 years. He also has an IEP and is in special education classes for Math and English. He was just this week also diagnosed with a Learning Disability, and while he is very bright, he still struggles and underachieves in some key areas.

My problem is that he feels stupid. I think he is at that age where what his friends think of him is very important, and he's told me that the kids do say mean things about the kids that have to go out for extra help. This new LD diagnosis means that he will continue to receive special ed help as he goes to his new school next year, and he HATES that he has to go for extra help, and is begging me to take him out of the program, which I obviously can't do because he NEEDS it. All he says all day long when he's home is how stupid he is, and it breaks my heart. I've tried so many times to tell him that he is very bright, and having ADHD just means that his brain works better in certain situations, but no amount of talking to him will help. I've tried discussing it with his therapist, and she just told him the same thing, and that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, and it's ok to voice your opinions about hating school and hating the program and feeling inadequate (which I get.. I'm glad he's talking to me.. but I dont' like that he FEELS like that!!)

Any suggestions? If I take school out of the equation, he's a happy go lucky boy with lots of friends and no worries. But he hates this program so much. I just want him to feel good about himself :(

rockym 04/19/2011

I have a 13yr old LD/ADHD/ODD in the same boat. He's was diagnosed LD in Reading/Writing in 3rd grade and is well below his grade average. To make matters worse he is very large, already about 6'2" so people think he's much older and expect more from him when in fact he's really about as mature as an 11 or 12 yr old. He has had several professionals tell him he is not stupid as well as his father and I. I am just trying to understand him the best I can and be there for him when he is feeling low about himself. I try to explain that this is just one aspect of his life and although reading is not his strong point, he has many other talents. Hopefully one day he will 'get it'. We can tell them they are not stupid until the cows come home, but it is something they are going to have to realize on their own. We just need to give them love and support in the meantime.

deleted_user 04/20/2011

I'm not sure this is an option for you (either with the school or financially), but sometimes the school will be willing to consider alternatives to in-school special classes. If he's able to work with a tutor or other specialist outside of school or after school, it may lessen the stigma of being separated from his peers. You want to reassure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of or to hide, but at that age he's not going to really listen anyway. :-) Kids are absolutely cruel to anyone they see as 'different'. I would think the school would understand this (anti-bullying anyone?) and be willing to work with you.

SpiderMom 04/20/2011

Thanks to you both for your advice. I spoke to the psychologist at the school again and she recommended trying to put him in some sort of extra curricular activity, something he enjoys and is good at, so he will feel some accomplishment outside of school. That is a tough one, because there's already not enough hours in the day, or enough money to get us through, but I will try and see what I can come up with. I think he really needs that. Like you said, rockym, it's just one aspect of his life.

Outside tutoring isn't really an option to me right now, unfortunately. I wish it were. Because, you're right, that stigma still exists, as much as we wish it didn't.

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