Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group
This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.
I am really struggling with trying to stay out of my son's life to an extent. For so many years I have been in constant contact with teachers, parents and coaches just to be sure he is... I don't know how to explain it, I guess I just wanted to make sure everyone understands him and knows how to deal with him. He's 14 now and I am really trying to pull back a bit to allow him to handle it himself and come to me only when he needs it. I don't think he will come to me for help until an issue explodes and then it would be too late. I need to have more faith in him. My current struggle in this area is with the wresting coaches at school. His Math teacher is the wresting coach and he has been after my son to wrestle since he returned to that school after Winter break. My son really doesn't want to wrestle. I am fine with his decision as he does do a lot of other sports, football being his most favorite. He is very anxious to play high school ball next year which leads me to this dilemma: The teacher that will be my son's Resource teacher next year in high school is also one of the football coaches, he also helps with the middle school wrestling. He called my son on his cell phone Wednesday night to ask him to wrestle, my son said no. The teacher/coach asked him to come to the wrestling meet at his school on Thursday and he would like to talk to him about it. My son felt obligated to go because this person will be his main teacher and football coach next year, so he went. He didn't want me to go with him so I just picked him up after the meet. he got in the van and he was pretty upset. He said the guy kept pressuring him to wrestle and kept telling him it would be good for him to help out with football skills. My son said he kept telling him no and the guy asked him if his parents were there. I know this freaked my son out because he thought that if he talked to us we would force him to wrestle. I assured him that we would definitely not force him. I have a feeling that my son may have gotten a little upset during their conversation and may not have been very respectful. Now he feels that this person won't like him and it will make next year miserable both academically and in football. I don't think this coach would do that but I don't want this to weigh on my son's mind. I asked him this morning if he wanted me to call that coach and talk to him and my son said no. What would you do? I feel this very strong urge to call him because of the postition this person will have in my son's live next year but don't want to have to keep meddling for fear my son can't handle the situation. Any advice, outside opinions, Please!?
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rockym, I feel that if your son felt he was pressured to wrestle that it is totally his decision if you are ok with whatever decision he makes. I cant say that he wont suffer with his teacher/football coach next year but all I can say is a good teacher would want what is best for a child. If he does not have an interest in wrestling then I dont feel he should feel obligated to do it. Also like we said before about our sons being 14 but one in the 8th and the other in the 9th. My sons birthday fell on the cut off day but academically he was ready to go ahead to K-5. In the long run his maturity level has chewed him up. In our case my son really has wanted to play baseball. He may not be the best but he is a good player when he applies himself which he has a very hard time figuring that out. He has played since age 5 and yet many times I wished he had not but let him anyway. I let it be his decision to make until when we moved up here and he wanted to play fall ball. I was so worried about how his actions and behavior would turn the team against him because it couldnt give 100% even though they wanted him to play. Our rule was that if his grades were not up or if he showed no drive to practice at home he would be taken off the team and it would be our decision not his. Needless to say he was taken off the team when he signed his progress reports with my husbands name and returned them back to his teachers. Now that I am no longer at school with my children I have had to let him make decisions on his own at school but could not get him to understand that by what he done he also made a decision to not play. I would let your son know that you support him in his decision but if you see that he is deep down unhappy by feeling that he has to do it, I would explain to him that you will contact the coach and tell him how your son feels and that he should also be respected. Good Luck!
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