Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group
This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.
I have had to shoulder the burden of taking care of my son nearly alone for many years. The only times I got a break was when I had a severe nervous breakdown and when his grandmas would take for a few days on a trip. This doesn't happen very much. Most people say, "oh we can't handle him." My husband runs of to help other people and such to leave me to deal with things alone. I am very stressed and feel I'm nearing another breakdown. There is nowhere I can go for a break. There is only 1 mental institution and that's the state hospital. I didn't a temp. job there at an office asst. many years ago. It is a horrible place and it would probably make me worse.
People have become so selfish. It's always, "what's in it for me?" Most people don't want to help just for the greater good. And people wonder whay parents go crazy and kill their child, themselves or both.
People have become so selfish. It's always, "what's in it for me?" Most people don't want to help just for the greater good. And people wonder whay parents go crazy and kill their child, themselves or both.
I can certainly sympathize with you. I take on the primary needs of my son - 6 with ADHD. My husband has no patience to deal with it and tends to only get involved when he gets out of control. His answer is to scream at him. He does not go to the docs./counselling appointments with me and does not understand the providers recommendations. Sometimes, he even does whatever he please irregardless of what professionals have told us to do or not do to control the ADHD, the emotionality and the tantrums. Upcoming, I need to go away for a few days for an important matter and my husband will need to care for our kids. I am already dreading it because I know I will come back to huge problems.
In my area and I am not sure where you live-there are organizations that provide Respite care to parents with children. There may be certain qualifications, etc. in your area but it is worth checking into.
I know as the primary caretaker it is hard to get away and have some time for yourself. I do also agree that fewer people are willing to help just for the sake of helping out. Unfortunately, there is a lot of self-interest. It is really important to take care of yourself so you can be there as a parent the best you can. Hopefully, you can find an outlet to discuss your feelings either with a counselor, your doctor, and/or a church minister.
I carry most of the burden as well - my husband is a long haul truck driver and so I am a "single married mother". I am also 7 months pregnant and find that I have a very difficult time keeping my stress level down.
I also don't have anyone who is willing to take my son - he is almost 8 years old and doesn't have any friends, doesn't get invited to sleepovers or birthday parties, or just to play even for a few hours. My 5 year old daughter on the other hand (non-ADHD and who isn't even in school yet), has several friends in the community who want to play with her and invite her to activities. It's so hard not to compare them - one brings me so much joy and pride, and the other brings me so much stress and frustration.
I am not sure what type of suggestion to give you to make things better, because I often don't know either.... I don't know how we handle it... I have considered telling my husband I am taking the "weekend off" when he comes home and going to a hotel where I can just be alone and without stress - but we can't exactly afford that, and because my time with my hubby is so limited, I don't really want to give it up just because of our son.
I guess the best suggestion I have is to cherish the time when he is in bed. Stay up a little later if you can and take the quiet time to decompress. I've read that the more you learn about ADHD and the difficult behaviour that comes with it, the more better you're able to understand it and handle it... I've yet to prove that thereoy fully right, but I did find it helpful when I read more about it.... I sympathized a bit more with him and his challenges, and it made me less "mad" at him.
Good luck, I hope you get some rest soon.