ok mom take a deep breath....you are doing fine...i would sugest trying to find other parents with adhd children to talk to that are even in your school..also if you are having a crash at night you might tell the dr and have the meds changed to maybe even a small kicker right after school that worked with my son for a while but then we changed to a diffrent medication compleatly and that helped.

oh and talk to the school about the amount of homework . 2 hours is too much for any child let alone a adhd one have it put in his iep that his homework would be less or that there are diffrent concessions for him like useing a calculator in math....

First off I just wanna say I'm sorry that you're going through this!! I know first hand how hard it is doing anything with your child when they are ADHD. It sounds like you are taking in a lot and not letting out nearly as much as you should! Venting is always good!!! I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job mom!!! It's just that people on the outside always look at us like "what's the problem? My kid's good and my kid gets their work done fast and easy". HA! Noone can truly understand what it's like unless they have raised a child with ADHD or worked with them for some time. I've bumped heads with my son's school for the past three years since he had started k4 and now he is about to go onto 2nd grade next year. I used to get constant calls from the school about every little thing. I would put him on the bus and literally wait for the phone to ring. It's like the schools, and other parents and bistanders, are all idiots!!! They can't make it througha few hours without complaining and having something to say. And the fact that all us wonderful parents of ADHD kids can get up every morning and make it through day after day means something special! You are a superb mom and don't forget it!!!
My son was diagnosed as having a mild level of autism on top of his ADHD and they just started him on abilify to help his "imaginary world" play and help keep him focused on the "real" world about 2 weeks ago and I must say, WOW!! Come to find out, the abilify is also used to help maintain a balance in emotional disorders which he also has due to genetics most likely. Sometimes he screams, other times he cries when he can't seem to figure out how to control his emotions and determine how to express what he's feeling. He kinda seems bipolar on days. But the abilify not only helped him focus on "the real world" but helped him control his emotions so that his focalin could help him better for his ADHD and to focus in school. He has had 2 perfect weeks at school since. It's doing a really awesome job!! I wonder that if the abilify could help more ADHD children since most do have the emotional disorders to go along with it. Weather it be the anger issues or a more sensitive side. Which mine has both, which is common. The only thing is that we all worry about side effects and I'm thankful to God that I haven't seen any from this so far!! I'm sorry to ramble, but I just wanted to let you know that no matter what someone says, you are an awesome parent and you do the best you can from day to day and noone truly knows that more than you should yourself!!! I mentioned the abilify as it may be something some of the other parents may want to look into if their child seems to have the anger or other emotional issues along with the ADHD. I'm thankful for finding DS as the wonderful ladies, and men, have been a God send to me for so many reasons!!! I wish you the best and you are in my thoughts! Don't ever doubt your strength and ability!!! You are wonderful!!!
Much love and prayers...
Sarah

Thanks so much to you both for your replies and your advice.

Wantingcoffee, I will speak to our doc next week when we go see him. It's hard though because he's in school until 6pm, so although the meds are working pretty well, they're worn off by the time I pick him up. I do have certain things in his IEP to help with work (reduced workload etc) but it STILL takes upwards of 2 hours some nights.. it's been a very bad school year and we're counting down to the END of it. Hopefully life will be a bit easier then.

Piecesofme, thank you.. you pretty much said everything I was feeling that I DIDN'T include in my rant! It really does help SO MUCH to know that others know what it's like and that we're not alone. I'm glad your son is doing so well now.

My daughter is 10 and she has no homework it is put right in her iep. The school psychologist explained to me that she works so much harder in school just to focus that by the time she leaves school for the day she is spent and any time pushing/forcing her to do homework would do no good. Man your child is in school until 6:00? wow that is really a long day so i can't see how your child would even have time to do homework when he got home.

Well he's only in school until 3:30 but he's in an after school program until 6. (the life of a single mom.. *sigh*) They have homework time in the program, but nobody to sit with them, which my son needs, so it's a bit of a struggle every evening. Most of what the other kids are completing in class, or in the after school program, my son isn't, so we're struggling at the end of the day to get it done. You are right though, I do find that most days at that hour it's pointless to even do it.. because he's not benefitting from it at all. :(

I can relate! No one understands just how challenging this can be. I am so sick and tired of other family members (mother-in-law, sister-in-law.. etc.) telling me that my son is a "typical" boy! AS IF THEY KNOW!!!!! They just don't get it! I wish they would walk a week in my shoes!

Even those friends and family members that sympathize with my troubles with my son never really know how I feel and the daily struggles I have with him.

You are not alone!

Thank you.. this is why I love it here so much.. because we all truly understand what it's like to go through what we do. I've heard the "typical boy" thing more than once too.. My friend who has a daughter says my son is being a typical boy all the time, and that I shouldn't even put him on meds. I love her so much, but she just doesn't get it. I am glad that you guys do. Thanks for all the support. (((hugs)))

we are going through the same thing with our daughter, I just want to go up there and whip up on the teachersand the kids that tease her her harrass her. she actually had two days of school left but the othre day there were some kids picking on her, she was crying and fighting back, I got out of the car told them to leave her alone, she got in the car and I went in and told the pricipal she was done, I would be in monday to get her things, he said fine, she is suppose to be starting a new school next fall and we actually had a meeting with the school the theraoist told me to cancel it, that we were just going to have to sit down and figure out something else. it is very frustrating, we are suppose to work with our kids on social behaviors but no one works wih the other kids an acceptance of children that are different then them, I am so glad school is out,

I think the doctor appt is a great idea. I know how it is because I only have 1 friend whose boys are my sons age but have ADHD. She doesn't even want to have them play together because it might rub off from my sons ADHD! What the heck is that about? She treats her kids harsh and I don't get it. Other than he I have noone who understands what it is like going through this. My mom thinks we are medicating him because I am a drug addict, (I take pills from my accident 20 years ago that are perscribed medication to sleep and for pain) I am not a drug addict after 20 years. My mom thinks if I complain about a hard day with Jake it is my fault I do not know how to parent. I so get what you are going through and just wanted to offer some support.

When my son was little, if I tried to talk to my mom, or my sister-in-laws (who each had children at the same time I did) or my Mother-In-Law, or ANYONE, they thought I was way too sensitive and that I must be doing something wrong-- his behavior HAD to be the result of bad parenting and if I only had more patience, discipline, was a stay at home Mom, or anything else, then I would not be complaining and things would be alright.

Since then:
when my one sister in law sent her "angelic" oldest child to school, the entire school system let her know that he was experiencing severe developmental delays, social issues, and had major problems (and now he has an ADHD diagnosis), and
my other sister in law had a second child-- who she now calls "evil" (in a joking manner, but still she tells me that she gets what I was taliking about now. )
and the school has worked with us CONSTANTLY on Dmitri's behavior, etc.

And NOW -- none of them bother me anymore.

But I did learn a few things:
1. I cannot vent to my mom-- it does not work.
2. I cannot vent to my mother in law - it does not work.
3. I can NOW vent to my sister in laws -- who now get it.


I also try to keep my discussions about my son to be with Moms who have gone through things like I have. At my son's school, both his kindergarten teacher and first grade teacher had special needs children -- boys-- and I drew tremendous strength from them. I could vent, get advice, and they could vent after dealing with my son all day to an ear that would not get offended!!!

In other words, I started to seek out people who would understand, and found that my family was not necessarily included in that group.