also, my husband is his step dad. His biological father disappeared a long time ago.

Oh my, this is a difficult problem. Your son can't help it, so he is out of the solution equation. Your husband is the step dad and maybe feels resentful that he has to deal with these issues. But your son is part of you and if he loves you, he needs to try to work this out. If he won't do counseling, maybe a support group where he can hear other people with the same issues talk. He may better understand that this is a real problem and not deliberate on your son's part. We always try to focus on the positive side of my son and his quirky personality. Try to do stuff as a family that your son enjoys so he is more likely to be better behaved. I don't know if this is helpful, but I wish you the best of luck.

thank you. this helps.

How long has your husband been a part of your son's life? One thing I know is that if a person doesn't believe in counselling you aren't likely to get them to go never mind participate. The best thing I can suggest is to work with your son, be there for him and help him as much as you can- go to counselling with him, and work on how demanding your son is, you need to find a balance of him getting what he needs but not necessarily everything he wants. When it comes to things like the loudness of the tv- can your son leave the room? I know it's hard to other people to understand what is happening inside your son's head, myself I can't even imagine how things are for my son when he says "there's too much noise in my head" it's not really the TV that is the problem, my son can feel that way when things are quiet- this is something you should talk to the Dr. about. For me I have found it hard to not cross the line of understanding my son/sticking up for him and making excuses, "he acts like that because he has ADHD, and he can't help it" sometimes he can't but he does have to learn how to deal with it and control himself- I hope that comes as he gets older. Maybe talk to your husband about the situation, ask him what he thinks and what his role should be because it is important that things be consistent- especially rules.

I am in a similar situation my son is 8 and i got the diagnosis 8 months ago but have been fighting for it for some time and my BF although accepts that my son has adhd and undertands there is a point he reaches when the understanding goes and he thinks that my son knows what he is doing....Just because he controls something one day doesnt mean he can do it again the next, it is frustrating and the fact that their behaviour is not their fault doesnt mean that it should be ignored....You and you husband and your son should try sitting down together and coming up with the family rules and expectations, use a wooden spoon to take it in turns to talk and listen, for example if your son has the spoon he talks and you both listen and write down what he has to say even if it does seem ridiculous to you, he will feel heard and thats important but not only that you might find that actually your son has some quite valid and important points to make. It is easier to enforce rules if they are known, accepted and understood and then your husband can learn to not sweat the small stuff but knows when to act on the big stuff.

It is really hard having a child with adhd, as parents we feel angry towards them, we feel hurt by their behaviour we take it personally when they have spoken to us like rubbish for the millionth time that day and we feel like crying and moaning and we generally do to our husbands/BF's/partners....It is then even harder for them to not only have to see and deal with the feelings the behaviour brings out in them but also as the non parent to deal with the feelings it brings to have to watch it all happening to someone that they love it is harder for them than us and needs our understanding too instead we tend to just get angry at their seemingly endless lack of empathy and understanding when in fact they are just trying to cope.

I hope that this helps hun.

I just want to add to both of you that I have been through so much with my son but we are in a pretty good place at the moment. He started on meds in October and it has helped. It is not all because of the drugs though, he was already maturing but now he can focus and actually have a meaningful conversation. He treats people much better than he used to as well. I honestly think the hardest times were from 5 to 11. After that, things started to slowly improve. Life is far from perfect, ha,ha , but so much better than it used to be. I used to cry almost everyday. I felt angry when he was rude and then guilty when I got mad and yelled. It was a no win situation. Hang in there, keep working with them because they are so worth it and it will eventually pay off. My heart goes out to you both.

Forgot to mention, he just turned 13.