Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group

This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well as discuss ideas, techniques, concerns, surprises, and challenges they may face with their children.

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Help please!!!

SPAHRIAL
SPAHRIAL

Ok let's start with its not my child. It's my boyfriend's child. I am so lost partly bc I have no clue how to discipline him. I know that I can't discipline him like I do my girls. I also know that I don't want him thinking it's ok to hit my two girls. I also can't put him in time out for the full 6 minutes. his father tries to help but I don't think it's effective for his son to talk over him hen he tells his son know. I deeply care for the bf and his son I am just struggling trying to compromise with his dad but also let the little (6) boy know he has to listen to me too. We don't yell at him. I have watched his mom fail to much from yelling at him and the boy just breaks down in tears. His mother's other suggestion is to spank him but I hardly do that with my kids let alone one that has so much wrong with him. I just need help and advice from more component  mothers and fathers. thanks in advance 


andimandi
andimandi
Hello there. When you say that this boy has "so much wrong with him", do you mean ADHD or something else? Also, since he is not your son, or your stepson, why is your boyfriend putting you in this position of having to discipline him at all? It is absolutely not ok for him to hit your girls, and it is your responsibility to protect your children from him. Your girls need you to keep them safe, and your boyfriend needs to discipline his son.
momenttaker
momenttaker
It isn't unusual for a six year old to act out when he's been through a lot, such as a breakup between his parents. Couple that with ADHD, and he's acting impulsively far more than most. Also, the discipline being input now isn't necessarily going to show effect for years.
A psychologist once told me that negative things just keep repeating themselves endlessly inside the brain of someone with ADD/HD, like a bad movie that keeps hitting rewind, and with observing my own son, now a teenager, that's probably true.
The best thing for any child with or without ADHD is consistency in boundaries and discipline, which you probably already know. If you and your boyfriend live together, than you should develop a viable plan that both of you implement. If not, than the discipline really is up to his father.
I have found with my own son that negative reinforcement tends to lead to low self-esteem, but sometimes a strait action leads to consequence might be in order, like "If you hit, your (favorite thing) gets put in time out for a few days.
Also, having a positive reinforcement for good behavior can build his self worth, and increase the good things he's doing versus the acting out that you are seeing,
Lastly, teach him a good way to deal with his inner turmoil, have him practice it, and be especially keen on praising him when you catch him using the right way to deal with conflict.