Hello Ladies.. I have been away from the estranged sites for a little while, focusing on living my life day to day. At this point, I am not in any communication with my ED; not that I couldn't be in a minute.. Leave msgs, that is. She basically doesn't want to speak with me; and is in this John Lennon-Yoko Ono type "cling-tionship" with her new partner; another girl who doesn't want anything much to do with her own mother (isn't even planning to see her on Thanksgiving.. "they don't do that", said my ED!!! So, ED moved over an hour away to Philadelphia (i work in other sections than where they are living) and all I get whenever I do talk to her on the phone is either a) "I need a loan" or b) "Elisa (the gf) doesn't want to have anything to do with you, so you know what that means."

So, armed with both individual and group therapy, I am focusing my life elsehere until Thanksgiving, when we'll see if ED and/or ED and the abominal GF show up! Then, if they do, we'll have this totally artificial holiday together with small amount of other family here; and the two of them will then crawl back into their holes, get on with their lives and I will go on, alone, in mine.

My therapist challenged me to remove myself from my ED's life for a good while. She supposes it may make my ED realize, "hey where is mom,whose always chasing me?" I'm not at all sure I agree: But, it's certainly a departure from what I have done in the past; and, to be honest, I don't miss the constant engage/disengage, give/take away which has been the ED's pattern the past few years.

I met with her ex-girlfriend yesterday (we have remained friendly.. see this young woman, whom I like, about once a month.) they lived together 5.5 years. As Hannah pointed out, "ED is 26.5 going on 11." She hopes that ED gets it together at some point, cause she's really behind in being responsible like others her age. But she has a real problem with being responsible.. not wanting to take any responsibility for how her actions create negativity for anyone who might want to depend upon her. Won't grow up. Stuck.. my therapist says she's "stuck seeing you through her childhood lens and can't see things yet through other, grownup lenses." So right on point.

So, I am working; trying to find a roommate to share my home (need the money; typically have rented attic room to students in past.. have not had someone here for 6 months..) socializing with my "best friend with benefits" and other friends and acquaintances.. just trying to live as "normal" a life, sans daughter, as I can muster.

Distractions are wonderful things. Don't get me wrong, I have times when I do miss what she USED TO be like when younger.. But I don't miss the denegration and the rejections. I don't miss the cruelty.

Will probably reach out to her within the next week to talk about her plans regarding medical insurance; as she comes off my COBRA Dec 1. Not even sure if she's mature enough to understand she needs to make a plan NOW and follow it through. She's very, very immature and short-sited.

But I'm doing a better job staying distant than ever before. I don't even look at her Facebook page to see what she's doing.. even though I have access to it.. it's "hidden" and I avoid going to it for up to a week.

I have made some good strides. I am holding onto hope that someday, before too long, she will wake up and realize she's changed things the way she thought she wanted it (me gone) but that it isn't exactly what she wanted after all. But that may be more fantasy than reality on my part.

so that's my update.
Hope others of you out there are doing ok.. I will be going to Las Vegas right after Xmas and getting trained, there, by my BFF, who is a computer person, on how to group Skype. That should enable me to offer it as an option for any of you who want to do so right after the New Year.

until I am in touch again
Warm Regards,
Marion