I wish I had known some of the obvious signs that I was ignorant of. Like seeing all the straws suddenly and never thinking they were there for other then drinking sodas. Seeing matchbox covers folded up that I know I never did like that but they were all over.
Finding my coffee grinder spotless.
Notes saying she was sorry and then by that night she would be bitch again and not understanding why or the mood swings. Sleeping during the day excessively and up all night, I just assumed when one can't sleep they sleep in the day and then they can't sleep at night.

These aren't many things, but if I had been aware of these things I think I would have reacted rather then assume it was nothing.
And they are the first things a drug user tells you about when you ask about signs. Infacr when I was asking my friend about my daughters personality up's and lows she was the one who asked me if I thought she was on drugs. I said no , not at all why would she ask that?
She said to me she had used drugs when she was younger and it sounded like some of the same things with her anger and then being sorry. She would apologise when she was high then when she was down she would be bitchy again it was drugs. I had no idea till that second. Then she mentioned the straws and match book covers.
And I think that my daughter is so smart and liked by everyone, I just never thought she had a problem.
Now I see these things so clearly but making parents aware is wonderful if they are listening. You talking to them is great, the shows on Tv are informing, but do parents like myself listen when you don't think your kid has anything to do with drugs?

Congrats and Good Luck with the Program. Please let us know how it goes.
I know alot of people will not agree with this, but there were a lot of different signs. My husband and I were not on the same page in the beginning. So I downloaded a program called Spector Pro it monitors every key stroke the kids make including all passwords to Myspace, facebook you name it. (all conversations sender and receiver). It was there, that I confirmed my worst fears. Not only was he using, he was dealing. No I am not sorry I did it. I needed to save him from himself. If any parent even questions the idea that their child is using. I highly recommend it.

I can think of some things..........

Finding spoons are suddenly missing! Finding them in the bathroom, outside in the yard, his/her bedroom. Hard core cocaine user tools for "cooking" coke or crack. Syringes! Razor blades, knives too. Wearing long sleeves in 90 degree heat. Signs of a cutter. Facination with the macbre. Denial of being on drugs - LOUDLY if asked. Dilated pupils - all the time. Sudaphed, Tylenol Cold tabs, cough and cold medications. Powdery substances on surfaces in bedroom. Locked doors and refusal to open these locked doors. Isolation preferred to family. Definitely mood swings. Changes in body image! Piercing self. Wondering where the $10, $20 dollar bills went that you KNEW were in your wallet. Refusal to bring "friends" home for visits. Decline in grades, forgeting to turn in homework, and definitely skipping school. Denial of having sexual relationships as early as 12 yrs old. Have Dr. or nurse practicioner do an exam and check for signs of abuse, purging, infections that won't heal and be honest about why! Appetite changes such as refusal to eat a normal 3 meals a day, but sneaks food into room at night. Bizaar habits, or obsessive habits newly acquired. Lighters laying around, or found in pockets when clothes eventually DO end up in the laundry. Unlocked windows especially in the basement (sneaking out). Injuries that cause bruises on face and arms. Don't believe they ran into the wall or door! Could be they got beat up by a dealer for not paying for their drugs. Know the "lingo" for street drugs! Just a few of the things that came to mind!

D.

People need to understand that this can happen to any family. I was so naive about drug addicts and addiction when it all first began when Gary was around 14 or 15. I was sheltered growing up and just never dreamed anything like this could happen to us. I had known many people who smoked dope and eventually quit, I thought he would do the same, but instead he took drug use to the highest level.

I think it is great that you are doing this program. However I don't know if we knew from the beginning if we could have changed anything. I too would stress this can happen to ANYONE. Never in a million years didi I think we would be going through this, It seemed like it was the bad kids who were the ones using drugs, Not so, my son went to one of the best business schools in the country and came home at the end of his first year addicted to oxycontin.Which 3 years later ended up being a heroin addiction. He came from a loving "normal" family. We have met so many great families and kids in rehab, You would never suspect any of them are addicts,

Hi cherrie1 - You said "..... if we knew from the beginning if we could have changed anything." That's true - to a degree. But....

1. There is more power with knowledge, than without. A parent can't control their child, but they can learn that they do have control over how they respond to them - to stop the enabling, to know that their child is "sick" and can't help how they behave when using. 2. A parent who is educated in this will know what signs to look for and to address it sooner than later. Before the children turn 18 the parent has a bit more "power" than a parent who discovers their child using after that age. 3. If more people in the community are educated about the stigma of addiction, it will make it easier for a parent who finds their child is using to get help. The shame and embarrassment isolates and makes it difficult to seek help or to share their concerns and worries with others. They feel judged. 4. The name of our program is called "NOT MY CHILD" - because most people feel it could happen to their child, like you said. This disease is a disease, it isn't selective. It happens to good, bad, rich, poor, etc. That is another item we stress - to help parents get past the denial.

We cover a lot of the things we never received when our child were in school. There weren't any programs like this at the middle school. And the high school programs were not very helpful. Occasionally, the school would bring in a expert with an overhead and a lecture, but most of them were about statistics based on surveys the local colleges performed. I attended these "Parent Information Nights" and other the years - before, during, and when my son was in recovery and I tell you - after learning about teen usage through parenting classes I attended at my son's treatment center - I realized how much more parents need to know in the VERY beginning - so they can address right away.

In addition: our "PART 2" program (that I haven't worked on, yet) will address PREVENTION. Studies show that the more a parent talks about drugs to their children - it reduces their chances of trying them by 42%.

So in a nutshell - there IS more we can do and change if we have the knowledge. I know, myself, I was blindsided. I had no exposure to alcoholism or addiction in my family. I also had no idea how devastating this illness can be.

Please do not think for a minute that I was saying anything negative about your program. I think it is wonderful and think it is much needed. I have often thought given the opportunity I would like to be involved in something like that. I don't want any other parent or child to have to suffer with this horrible disease.

What I meant was I don't know that we could have stopped anything. As a parent we try to fix and by doing that I have enabled. Knowing when to stop is something I think every person has to experience for themselves. It would be helpful to know ahead of time different signs to be looking for. Believe me I watched for everything!!! My sons drug problem started when he was away at college. And we did all the steps, tried several rehabs. But we came to see we could not stop it. Best of luck with your program. Hopefully it will raise awareness because I think a lot of parents have no idea that drugs are everywhere. I am sure most would think not my child. Never in a million years didi I think I would have a heroin addict for a son. I do not like how people think of addicts. No one wants to be an addict. Poor choices are what led them to it but at some point it becomes out of their control. People need to be more educated to understand this is a disease. I think your program sounds great!!!

I didn't take it negative AT ALL! I do know that even with all of the knowledge in the world about addiction isn't going to stop a child from trying it. I personally know of 4 drug counselors who have children who became addicted. But with the knowledge the parents can act sooner and know how to respond in a way that will help their child, not enable them.

It is a bit more challenging for you because you said your son started in college. Are you sure or is this when you found out about it?

It's good to know that your son, at least, tried rehab - especially since he wasn't a juvenile anymore. For what it's worth - my husband and I have friends whose son became addicted to heroin at 15. At 30 he finally stopped using and he is doing awesome! I know it's One Day At A Time but he's been sober for over a year and a half. His parents never gave up hope.

Note: My husband and I learned a lot from them. Since they had no knowledge, as to how to respond to him, they enabled him big time. They said would hire the best lawyers and get him out of situations. They also said they wouldn't have sent him to the most expensive treatment centers either. My husband and I were fortunate to have them in our group because hearing their stories, first hand, made it more real.

We have been very fortunate that my son was always willing to go to rehab. He just at some point stoped doing what he needs to do to stay sober. He was living in a long term program and was clean for a year. Then he said he just stopped doing what he needed to and relapsed and it was far worse than any other time. He ended up in jail and in the beginning we bailed him out, (he has never been in any trouble) he got rearrested and bailed himself out. Then we finally asked our lawyer to have the judge put him back in because he was a danger to himself. We told him we will not get him out again so he stayed in 2 months . Two weeks ago he was sent to a court ordered year long program. If he messes up again it is back to jail. I have learned so much being on these sites talking to former addicts who all say they needed to suffer their own consequences. As a parent going through this the first time you want to help and you believe that if he goes to a 30 day rehab everything will be fine. It's not they need long term treatment and they will always have to stay on top of it working a program. No one we were friends with had gone through this so you just learn as you go along. I have read everything I could get my hands on and have learned a lot. I just wish people not affected with the disease would have more knowledge and understand. It is a crime how much you have to spend on rehabs and insurance companies fight paying. It is hard to figure out what to do or where to turn. We have spent thousands on rehabs. I miss him terribly he is in CA and we are in PA. We have not seen him since last Jan. when he relapsed. He is very happy to be where he is now so we can only pray this will be the time he turns his life around.