Parents of Addicts Community Group

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thought I would share this with you all

cardinal39
cardinal39
"Let Me Fall All By Myself"


If you love me let me fall all by myself.
Don't try to spread a net out to catch me.
Don't throw a pillow under my ass to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it. Don’t stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ...
Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ...
trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it.
The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ...
The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ...
resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ...
If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top.
In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ...
Don't you see ??
Don't you know ??
You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ...
I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ...
Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar."

love,,, the addicit
joemm
joemm
I read this a few years ago. It's nice to see it again because we all need to be reminded of what a addict really needs.
Joe
cardinal39
cardinal39
I have this hanging on my fridge,,,, we have four other childeren,,, all in their teens,,, so far none of them are addcits,, but I apply this to them also,,, Has parents,,, or least in my case,, I tend to "over" do for my kids,,, sometimes I don't allow them to fall on their butts,,, I've learend so much going through this ordeal with our 22year old daughter (herion addicit),, if I take a step back in time as she was growing up,, I realized how many times I've picked up the pieces,, fix the situation,, or honesty blew off things,,,, so in a odd way,, I am in recovery, and learned from this situation we are in.... there comes a time,, when we can no longer control our kids choices,,, we have to allow them to decide what is right or wrong,,, and there are consquences wether it be good or bad to every choice they make,,, my two youngest get the "priveldge" they are (15 and 16) as well as my 19year old,,,, of the new me.... I am not just handing them things anymore,,, materialistic and monetary things are rewards "you" earn from the actions you choose... sorry blah,,blah,,,

hopefully things are going well with you Joe,,,, I've learned never to worry about tomorrow, (it's ok to prepare) but just take care of the moment,,, what happenes yesterday, is already done, no point in fretting over that,, can't be change,,, in order to set boundaries for our kids,,, it first has to start with us,,, we need to set boundaries for ourself,,,.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you so much for posting this. I am in tears. It is so difficult, but so true. I travelled the road of enablement with my son for way too long. He is in his 3rd week of rehab and I am getting a much needed rest. I go with my husband for counselling on Friday. Just as my son is addicted to drugs and alcohol, I am addicted to trying to control and save him. I am ready to conquer MY addiction, too!
deleted_user
deleted_user
God bless you for posting that I needed that !!! i have a quote also

I am not alone at all. I was never alone.. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.
cardinal39
cardinal39
believerkik,,, remember this,,, can not control, cure,, nor are we the cause of our addicit,,,, set your boundaries not just for your son,, but for yourself,,, stop being a victim to this disease,,,, the greastest peace I had,, was the day I surrender my daughter to God,, that's my higher power,,, there comes a point where there is nothing you can do,,, an addicit is going to use,, regardless if you sit on them,, or stand up proud and take control of YOUR life,,,,, t ough love,, is not that we do not love,, we love so much that we are no longer going to spoon feed,,,, girl,, it took me a long time,, to get to this point,,,one day I realized I was such an enabler,, that I was no better then the drug dealer,,, except i was not getting paid,,,, here for you believe,,, I was the weakest link,, and realized I was destroying,,,, if you make life easy for an addicit,,, they will never stop and think why using is bad,,,,, disconnect yourself from the addicit,,, don't believe anything they say, say what you mean,, and mean what you say,, keep conversation to 15 words,, anything longer,, is repeated,, and then they are able to take words out of context,, and use them against us,,, it's okay to say NO...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Cardinal39 -- You said 2 things that especially resonate with me:

1. Don't believe anything they say -- say what you mean -- and mean what you say.
My son did SO much lying! I couldn't believe ANYTHING!! How frustrating. Your advice about saying what
you mean and -- especially -- meaning what you say is so good. Empty threats and giving in after saying
"no" definitely does NOT work!!

2. Keep conversation to 15 words. Anything more and they wil take words out of context and use them against
us.
I can't tell you how many times I've lived that scenario. It's very, very tiring and stressful. Fifteen words and
walk away or hang-up. It helps preserve your time and your peace of mind. Conversations can get real
nasty and out-of-hand after those 15 words!
Thanks!!!
cardinal39
cardinal39
your welcome,,, trust me I've gotten through so much,,, just by listening,, and deciding what's best for my family,,,, not going to tell you to be strong,,, because sometings our strenght becomes our weakness,,

first time my daughter got out of rehap and jail,, was so new to this,,, there were moments that I became so obsessed with her recovery,, omgish thing she is using,, look her eyes are drooping,, drive myself and probably the rest of my family insane,,, the second time,, my daughter went out on her three week "vacation ",,, herion binge,,, I remember going and sitting in my backyard,, not knowing where she is,, and how in the world could this be happening to my family,,, this only happens,,, to "that" kind of family,,blah,, well I looked up in the sky,, toook a helium balloon with my daughter's name in it,,, and released it,, and said God she is all yours,, there is nothing I can do for her,,, I tried to contol it,,, was always trying to find was to "fix" it,, cause I'm the mom,,, that's my job,,, and then I was done blaming myself,,, honestly after that day,,, peace just took over,,, it is what it is,,, and when God saved her from herself, and put her back in jail,, (which she will be getting out on the feb 29,, she will not have used in 90days) I was so greatfull,,,,, I have 31 days to decided what is best for,, our family,,,,

I visit her every monday,, write her letters,,, told her she is always,,, part of our world,,, but I can no longer to part of "that" world,,, I"ve learned screaming atmy addicit,, did nothing but raise my blood pressure,,, all of my kids,, now know that when I say no,,, I mean no,, and quit asking,,,, I believe everyone should be rewarded for good behavior,,rewards are something that is earned,,, I can't say I've become stronger,, but I begain to "know" myself all over again,,, darn it,,, it's okay to put yourself first,,,,

glad to have met you,,, and please my hands go out to you,, and when you feel you can't hold on,,, I'll be there,,

my name is Kim,,,
deleted_user
deleted_user
Kim -- Thanks for your insight, your encouragement, and your personal accounts. I will pray -- for both of us -- that God would grant us wisdom and discernment to know what our part is -- and isn't -- with regards to our loved one. My son still does not want contact with our family. He is healing during this time away from us and so are we. That is a good thing! And my husband and I will go for counseling tomorrow to help us heal and deal with this mess. You're right -- there's nothing wrong with taking a break and putting yourself first. I'll be praying for you and your daughter as you both near the day of her release. Karen K.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yes Kim thank you for your post ...i will be praying that the Lord sees your absolute faith . and I am praying for you as you make choices ..and I will be praying that your daughter is healed and has found hope and peace . be blessed
BUTTERFLY555
BUTTERFLY555
thanks for sharing the post and comments.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's always good to see this. Thanks!
mgs1
mgs1
Always a good reminder!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I read this out loud to my husband, when I was done he walked away. I need to read these responses ov er and over again. My son is so much like his uncle (who OD), that it is scary. I need to let go and let God. I love what you did with the balloon. I will do the same thing.