Sendings hugs...

Hang in there!!!!!

My son was kicked out of residential and out of outpatient, and into jail more times than I can count, and I was a mess for many years. About the time we kicked him out of our home was when I hit bottom and started to get better, and the principles of the AlAnon program helped me to grow out of that misery.
Today, he's 25 which is a miracle in itself as my husband didn't think he'd make it to that age. He's had the same job for 3 years and is taking care of business living in his own place, and really finally being strong in recovery.
It takes what it takes. Many hospital stays as well. I wish for you that your road will be easier, and I hear how difficult it is with one that age; been there, tried hard, gave up. He found his own way, and I found my own way.
May you begin to find peace.

He got kicked out for being rude and belligerent with staff - sneaking around the rules (he is the master at getting adults to make exceptions for him and even seasoned professionals fall for it). Thankfully no relapse. But we moved him to a new program (same format) and he is so angry to be "starting over" in phase I of a 3 phase program. He had begun to form a local sober network, too. But he chose for his closest advisers old guys from AA who told him he did not need a program - just AA. He took their word (since it was in sync with his desire to get to move out to a sober house) and basically got himself kicked out as he showed his lack of respect for the program. So now he misses his network and says he will probably relapse without them.

My problem this week - transporting him to the new place involved an overnight in a hotel. He spent the time verbally abusing me. I couldn't "escape" since I was in charge of keeping him there and it was not the kind of thing I could call the police for and besides, I just had to get through the might without him taking off so I could get to the program. It brought back all the fear from when he was at home and completely crazy. Since he is clean, it did not rise to the place it used to, but somehow it seems to have been traumatic. I was back in that position of having to gauge the level of danger, of hiding my money, etc. I am having trouble bouncing back this week.