Parents of Addicts Community Group
A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.
With some alcoholics and addicts when they relapse - it's obvious, immediately. All hell breaks loose and it's difficult to hide it, from what I hear anyway. Some manage to hide it for awhile without being detected. I will explain in a bit why I made those statements.
A few months before my son's 16th birthday, we discovered he was using drugs. At that time we didn't know to what extent until he had his 1st arrest and then shortly after that it was one arrest after another along with all other behaviors and signs that we couldn't ignore. We tried to get him help, but he refused and took full advantage of the time to use drugs and do what he wanted until the courts forced him. It took months and months before the courts were able to "encourage" him to try treatment. That was 2 summers ago. He's 18 now and has been off of probation for about 8 months. After being released, he seemed to even improve more. He hated the constraints and rules. I loved the support.
More recently, I've been more and more concerned about him. Although he's engaging in healthy old and new interests (didn't do any of these while using), he isn't home a lot. He has a good friend he spends a lot of the time with (mom verifies) so I wasn't too worried but now he seems to be gone more and more. He was gone all day today but stopped by the house to grab his guitar. So I see normal behavior and, as far as I can tell, I've never seen him under the influence when he walks in the door.
Here's the issue - I have no proof. I have a husband that doesn't like to want to rock the boat. The last two nights our son didn't come home until 5:30AM and the next not at all. He's been doing this periodically on and off over these last few months but I knew he stays at his good friend's house. His friend is in recovery, so the mom would alert me if anything was amiss. She'd tell me that they were fine and I always felt rest assured We talk. I haven't talked to her in the last few weeks, however.
So - whether he's using or not - I don't like this behavior of using our home to hang his guitar, so to speak. But it doesn't seem to be an issue with him. What if my son is getting back into it? How do I raise the red flags when i don't have any solid proof? What if he isn't? As I mentioned, on and off for months he's been doing the sleep over thing or coming home very late and he appeared sober.
I know I'm rambling but - - has anyone experienced or had a loved one that relapsed but had no idea for any length of time? I know it can happen but, in the past, I knew. And I have a friend whose son was sober for over a year and all he did was take one sip of beer and he was back to using coke immediately. Within a few days he was spinning out of control.
Just confused. I know i need to work on my husband but he keeps postponing these discussions. No surprise there.
A few months before my son's 16th birthday, we discovered he was using drugs. At that time we didn't know to what extent until he had his 1st arrest and then shortly after that it was one arrest after another along with all other behaviors and signs that we couldn't ignore. We tried to get him help, but he refused and took full advantage of the time to use drugs and do what he wanted until the courts forced him. It took months and months before the courts were able to "encourage" him to try treatment. That was 2 summers ago. He's 18 now and has been off of probation for about 8 months. After being released, he seemed to even improve more. He hated the constraints and rules. I loved the support.
More recently, I've been more and more concerned about him. Although he's engaging in healthy old and new interests (didn't do any of these while using), he isn't home a lot. He has a good friend he spends a lot of the time with (mom verifies) so I wasn't too worried but now he seems to be gone more and more. He was gone all day today but stopped by the house to grab his guitar. So I see normal behavior and, as far as I can tell, I've never seen him under the influence when he walks in the door.
Here's the issue - I have no proof. I have a husband that doesn't like to want to rock the boat. The last two nights our son didn't come home until 5:30AM and the next not at all. He's been doing this periodically on and off over these last few months but I knew he stays at his good friend's house. His friend is in recovery, so the mom would alert me if anything was amiss. She'd tell me that they were fine and I always felt rest assured We talk. I haven't talked to her in the last few weeks, however.
So - whether he's using or not - I don't like this behavior of using our home to hang his guitar, so to speak. But it doesn't seem to be an issue with him. What if my son is getting back into it? How do I raise the red flags when i don't have any solid proof? What if he isn't? As I mentioned, on and off for months he's been doing the sleep over thing or coming home very late and he appeared sober.
I know I'm rambling but - - has anyone experienced or had a loved one that relapsed but had no idea for any length of time? I know it can happen but, in the past, I knew. And I have a friend whose son was sober for over a year and all he did was take one sip of beer and he was back to using coke immediately. Within a few days he was spinning out of control.
Just confused. I know i need to work on my husband but he keeps postponing these discussions. No surprise there.
Join the Conversation