Parents of Addicts Community Group
A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.
My 18, going on 13 year old son, is constantly and I mean constantly working me. He's clean (for over a year) and I thought I have already overcome a lot of this old behavior of mine but, somehow, I've fallen into his trap.
Part of the reason is my husband. He's very, very easy to manipulate. My son takes advantage of it and favors his dad because of it. I'm the "heavy" and say no more but, lately, I don't know. I give him $ after he earns it but sometimes he can't wait for it because he NEEDS a cigarette. I fall for it. I also feel he uses me and when he doesn't get his own way - he is distant - sometimes physically and sometimes emotionally from me. I can't believe after all this time I'm blaming myself.
This is codependency - I know. But how does one determine if it's their own behavior that creates the distance or the behavior of someone that gets them to feel like it's their fault for the problem? Does that make sense?
Part of the reason is my husband. He's very, very easy to manipulate. My son takes advantage of it and favors his dad because of it. I'm the "heavy" and say no more but, lately, I don't know. I give him $ after he earns it but sometimes he can't wait for it because he NEEDS a cigarette. I fall for it. I also feel he uses me and when he doesn't get his own way - he is distant - sometimes physically and sometimes emotionally from me. I can't believe after all this time I'm blaming myself.
This is codependency - I know. But how does one determine if it's their own behavior that creates the distance or the behavior of someone that gets them to feel like it's their fault for the problem? Does that make sense?
I had to take it out again and refresh my memory of the wisdom in this book.