Parents of Addicts Community Group

A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.

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marg6300 05/22/2012

Today I wrote my first letter to my son who is in Jail. Its not the first time he has been in jail but this letter I wrote today somehow felt different. I first told my son how much I love him and mentioned each of his siblings and step dad and how much they all loved him and then I talked about how God awful his life had become. He was selling his body for 10 dollars a trick just to keep the drugs and alcohol flowing. He had pretended to be gay and was staying with a guy lying just to keep the drugs and alcohol flowing. I asked him if he had hit ROCK BOTTOM yet? If he was going to get into some sort of treatment this time and stick with it and try to get better? I think in the past he only ever went into rehab to appease me. I asked him if he was ready to stop trying to kill himself. I told him a mom shouldn't have to bury their son... I am so grateful he is alive so I could say these things.... I asked him why he had been trying to kill himself for the last 12 years and why he was numbing himself? I may never get any answers to these questions but it felt good getting it off my chest and knowing he would have to read this letter sober......
I told him if he wasn't planning on going into a treatment center the minute he was released from jail that he would just be wasting his familys time because no treatment means no family involvement....
I think it was all a bit harsh but I don't know what else to say to him. He has been out of control since he was 12 years old we have tried everything and he just continued to get worse...

kimpalmer 05/23/2012

Praying for you and your family Marg.

deleted_user 05/26/2012

I sit here tears running down my face. The heartache we bear for our children. I am so sorry for your pain. I pray for your son and all the kids that have been taken from us through this evil addiction. God Bless

BubblesDavey 05/26/2012

I understand so well. I'm glad you were able to write a letter and that he may read it while sober.
The journey with our addicted children is a very hard one. The profound sadness I feel at times works against being happy, joyous and free. I continue to get up in the morning and say a prayer for my son.
I no longer ask for particular outcomes.
Take special care of yourself.

BUTTERFLY555 05/30/2012

that is terrible, I can only hope and pray things will get better for him. Perhaps now he is at the bottom. I am sorry for your heartache. Will be praying for you, your son and your family.

Lovemy2boyz 06/01/2012

Hi Marg. I find writing letters to my son, whether it is on paper or via facebook messages, or whatever is helpful. It allows me to say how I feel without interruption, and to make sure what I write is conveying what I really want to say. And I know he reads them and re-reads them and he has told me they mean a lot. Even wehn he doesn't like what the message is, he at least knows I love him. I will be thinking of you and hoping your son does ok when he gets out. <3

hopingforsunnydays 06/19/2012

Hi Marg, letters are great and enable US to get out what WE want to truly say. I did the same thing when my son was in jail as well. He said that reading them while he was 'sober' hurt like hell. OH WELL! Like I told him, it hurt us to see him wanting to just self destruct. I have you in my prayers always. I know it sucks! BUT you needed him to 'hear' your emotions and I pray that he does.

HUGS!!!
Kelley

marg6300 07/01/2012

well he has not replyed to my letter and its been over a month. I gave him plenty of time to let it sink in. I have heard nothing. I feel like I got my answer and it was not what I was hoping for...
I wrote again and said hey if you disagree you could at least write back to me and tell me your opinion... I don't know if he will but at least I told him again that I love him and miss him!

deleted_user 07/03/2012

I'm so sorry for you. It's sucks some times loving our kids so much! I pray that you get a replay of any kind, at least you would know that he's think about it.

HUGS!!!!

deleted_user 07/04/2012

Don't give up. I know it is hard but keep praying that God will give you strength and wisdom. My son called me from rehab this morning and took offense because I told him I was not buying him cigarettes. This is his 7 or 8 time going. He just spent all his money on drugs and want me to keep his habits up. I only get one retirement check to live on and can not keep sponsoring him. It hurts but I have no choice.

BubblesDavey 07/05/2012

I totally can relate to the previous post. Our son called to say he was hungry. We suggested he go to get food. He has been kicked out of several stores. He has some money for canning but we know understand that is for drinking and as long as we bring food to him or buy his food that works well for him. He is 44 yrs. old and he on a continuing decline.
Yes, "pray for wisdom" is a good suggestion and I thank you.

deleted_user 07/10/2012

I need someone to talk to because the treatment center will not take him until the 15th and a possible chance it might be the 10th. Please keep me in prayer that it be tomorrow. Tonight he says that I irritate him. I retaliated and told him that I am the one who should be irritated after years of his substance abuse. His saying now is that it is a disease. This is a chosen disease because of refusing to face reality and take responsibility of self. It is also a selfish act by someone who cares only about himself.

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