Parents of Addicts Community Group
A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.
My recovering 23year old came home in November. She completed a very good program. Now she seems lost again. She is hanging with people some are OK and some not so much. She is evasive, rarely will share anyone names, and has decided to have sleep overs all the time. This week I confronted her telling that the amount of time she spent sleepover places was strange. She told me that is what teenagers do. I quickly responded you are an adult. It seems that she lost her teen years and now wants to make up for them. This unfortunately has lead her to bad people which also impacts my life. For example, last week after dating someone a few times she discovers he has a girlfriend. There are text messages exchanged and then threats. Being a good program worker I tell her to figure it out. She tells me it is handled and the next day creepy guy is ringing my door bell at 530am to "scare" us. Before I could even grab my phone or baseball bat the guy takes off and without cameras there is nothing I can do. ( camera delivery is tomorrow). My daughter at first seemed concerned that she had brought this on me but then did not understand when I told her that she could not have anyone over my house going forward. I also told her because of the quality of persons she was hanging with the car that is in my name plus the insurance would not be going out for sleepovers. I have told her the following things and was wondering if anyone has suggestions. Here is what I told her last night: the car doesn't go out for sleepovers, no one at the house or idling in front of the house at all hours, she has to look for better work than were she is now, and the car and insurance have to be in her name come July.
I feel like she feels she is still a teenager, wants to have fun and friends over any responsibilities. She feels like since she is recovering she has the right to hang with people who may or may not be in recovery and to be honest I am not even sure if she is fully recovered considering what she is going. She had an interventionalist who has been helpful with her behaviors but she has accused him of using. I have considered calling the rehab she was at to discuss her behaviors but in the end I am just max with what I can do for her.
Any thoughts are appreciated
thanks
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
But at 23 years old, basicly all you can do is love her, and allow her to fail so that she can see the consequences of her actions and decide if it serves her purpose or not.
You also need to take care of yourself. You can clearly see what addiction did to her but look at what it did to YOU. You need alot of support for yourself. Alanon is another great place to find that support I doubt that you can find face to face meetings at this time but they may be available online..
If you would like to learn more about addiction, and how it alters our ability to make decisions, then I highly recommend the movie "Pleasure Unwoven" by Kevin McCauley, MD. He was also an addict after being caught in the service as the flight surgeon for f-18 pilots and kicked out as a result. He spent the next 20 years researching addiction and the things he discovered changed the way we treat addiction after approaching it all wrong. You will love this movie for what it teaches.
In the meantime, keep us posted. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
God Bless